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Wednesday, July 26, 2017

The Wonderful 1237 Strategy Guides: George Pataki

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Find a way across that chasm, and find it now!

Continuing our week's theme for washed up relics of the past, we have a fan-inspired/-salvaged strategy guide on a loser. Why is KoopaTV publishing strategy guides, and what game is the guide for? Why, it's for KoopaTV's browser-based Flash game (play it while you still can!), The Wonderful 1237! The Wonderful 1237 features seventeen unique minigames, all from each of the seventeen Republican presidential candidates you will be competing with should you play the game. (You have until 2020, so get to it.)

As explained in the Wonderful Wednesday article about those minigames, I'll be writing these strategy guides — one for each candidate, in a specific order. This one is about the guy who was the governor of New York from 1995 to 2006: George Pataki. He was also one of the first candidates in real life to drop out of the Republican presidential primaries, and judging from his statistics in The Wonderful 1237, that is likely to happen in the simulation as well. He's the third worst character in this game, and is bad at everything. Still, his minigame is fun, and you can play it at the bottom of this article.

Candidate Stats

Base stats and growth:
Beauty: 0 + (0–4)
Cool: 0 + (0–2)
Cute: 0 + (0–2)
Smart: 0 + (0–3)
Tough: 0 + (0–2)

Average untouched stats after 14 rounds:
Beauty: 28
Cool: 14
Cute: 14
Smart: 21
Tough: 14

Average likelihood of surviving Iowa if untouched:
Very unlikely. (George Pataki will have 7 delegates on average; need 11 to clear.)
The Wonderful 1237 VS Versus George Pataki endorsement minigame screen
“VERSUS... George Pataki! Fight.”


Basic Information

Urban Jungle.
Retrieve the leaf.
Approximate Time to Play:
Between 10 seconds and a minute.
Arrow keys. Left and right to move left and right, and up to jump.


Detailed Description:
George Pataki is turned into a giraffe on the rooftops of New York City. There is a special leaf on top of one of them, and Pataki wishes to jump across the rooftops to reach it. Meanwhile, there is a wind blowing that affects Pataki's jumping. George Pataki also has the ability to do a one-time, automatic flutter-jump, and his jumping distance is heavily affected by his velocity. The whole game is based off of your MOMENTUM, so don't stop.
Scoring is based on how fast you can get to the leaf. If you can get there under 13.1 seconds, you'll get a 100% score. If it's under 13.6 seconds, a 95%. Above that but below 14.1 seconds, 90%. 14.6> is 85, and 15.1> is 80. 15.6> is 75. If you're below 16.1 seconds, your score is 70%. After that, the time scale changes. If you're at below 18.1 seconds, your score is 65%. Under 20.1 is 60%, and under 25.1 seconds is 50%. Under 30.1 seconds is 40%, and then under 40.1 seconds is 25%. If you take your sweet time and get between 40.1 and 50.1 seconds, your score is 15. A score under 60 seconds gets 10%. If your score is over 60 seconds, your score is 5.
Optimal Tactics:
Hold down the right arrow key at the start. You can run onto the first two platforms without jumping. The longer you are able to hold down an arrow key, the more velocity Pataki will get, which means that he will be able to jump higher.

The Wonderful 1237 Urban Jungle giraffe platforming George Pataki leaf New York
George Pataki will be able to flutter-jump over the platform it looks like he's going to land on,
thanks to holding down the left arrow key across the entire span of the top-centre platform he just left.

Once you get to the end of the middle platform at the bottom, jump. Pataki should be able to jump high enough to get to the next platform. On George Pataki's flutter-jump, change directions to left, and you should be able to get on top of the top platform in the middle. While holding down left, jump at the edge of that platform. With flutter-jumping, you should be able to reach the platform with the leaf. This strategy may run into troubles depending on the wind. In that case, you might not be able to skip the buildings to the very right and you'll have to land on them and jump from there. It's easier to skip those buildings if the wind is moving to the right.
Keep in mind that you can jump in mid-air if you run off the platform (as opposed to jumping off the platform), which will also let you rack up even more velocity by being able to hold down an arrow key direction for longer.

The random element in this game is the wind, which has two parts to it: The direction (left or right), and the strength of the wind. The animation of the wind at the beginning (where it spawns and then blows) will clue you in on the direction. The wind will constantly be pushing you.

Other Trivia

Skill(s) Tested:
Velocity and displacement physics. Momentum, too.
Hey, at least one of the minigames had to have platforming elements, right? This is a direct instance where I thought of a KoopaTV fan (fan influence) when making content: ShinyGirafarig had been requesting more giraffe-related content in the media. Hey, why not, right? (Actually, in terms of development timeline, this game was developed before that guest article was published.) George Pataki, of all the nominees (competing with Donald Trump), is most associated with New York, which is where ShinyGirafarig is from. (That's why she gets to visit Nintendo's New York store as often as she wants. There's a guest post in the queue on her most recent experience back during E3 Weeks that'll be published eventually.) He's also really tall, like a giraffe. I thought it would be funny to have George Pataki make a fool of himself and involuntarily transform into a giraffe. To my knowledge, there is no actual connection between George Pataki and giraffes.

Play The Minigame Here!

Stay tuned for future strategy guides for the other candidates! There are only FOUR MORE after this. If there is any more information you'd like to know about The Wonderful 1237 or the development about this game (Ludwig clearly doesn't know much about George Pataki), Ludwig would be happy to share it. Be sure to play the entire game!

The Wonderful Wednesday article before this one is on Mike Huckabee, a much more successful governor and candidate.
The Wonderful Wednesday article after this one is on Bobby Jindal, a much more successful governor and candidate.
That guest article in the queue about Nintendo NY got published a week later.


  1. He's another one that I would have completely forgotten about if you did not write this up. What are some of Pataki's greatest achievements anyway?

    1. Hell if I know.
      Here's all of his responses from the first debate:

      So, according to him:

      He "brought people together" in New York as a three-term governor.
      He was governor of New York during the September 11, 2001 terrorism attack.
      He instituted you-need-to-work-to-get-welfare, reducing the welfare rolls by over a million.
      He revoked all of Mario Cuomo's executive orders on his first day, and reduced the number of government employees by 15%.
      Made New York safer in terms of crime.

  2. Thanks for putting a giraffe in your game. I am so overwhelmed with taking a child that I barely have enough time to devote to playing video games now.

    1. You're welcome!

      Do you consider a trans-giraffe to be a real giraffe?

    2. Depends if Twilight Princess Link is a real wolf or not.


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