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Friday, December 18, 2020

KoopaTV's Live Reactions to the Super Nintendo World Direct!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Featuring tour guide Shigeru Miyamoto.

A few weeks ago, KoopaTV reported that Nintendo's theme park—built and operated by Universal Parks and Resorts—would be opening in Japan on February 4, 2021. We discussed some of the sights you'd see there, along with the precautions that the park operators and you (if you'd visit the park) would take when it comes to sight-seeing during a pandemic.

Nintendo obviously wants us to talk about this even more, so they set up a special Super Nintendo World Direct, hosted by Shigeru Miyamoto (Nintendo's head Creative Fellow and a man that we're not on friendly terms with). They promised no game announcements. Just the theme park. Alright, we'll do that. We'll play by those rules, and live-react to the Direct. Just a warning, though, by Nintendo, they mean one specific place. We'd want it called Super Koopa World, but some plumbers show up...



[5:59 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLYOVd6U3X0
[5:59 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Huh, I'm surprised other people are watching this.
[5:59 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Unless they think game content will be featured, despite "No game content will be featured."
[6:00 PM] HeavyLobster: Will they play the Nintendoland theme throughout the entire park?
[6:00 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ....
[6:00 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Hope not.
[6:00 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Alright so this thing features Shigeru Miyamoto inside a warp pipe.
[6:01 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Hopefully he stays in there and doesn't come out.
[6:01 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ....Nevermind, he warped out of there into a castle.
[6:01 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Peach's Castle, to be exact.
[6:01 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: You can hear Princess Peach's castle music from Super Plumber 64, which isn't the Nintendo Land theme.
[6:02 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "There are so many characters, it feels like I've entered the real Mushroom Kingdom."
[6:02 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I hope he doesn't end up in the real one.
[6:03 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...But if he does, maybe he won't return safely.
[6:03 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Gweheheheee.
[6:03 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: There's some ? Block smartphone thing he's doing with a band he gets upon entering the park.
[6:03 PM] HeavyLobster: The Power-Up Band will monitor everything you do.
[6:03 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: There's a Daisy-themed one.
[6:03 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: If Daisy gets a cameo, will Waluigi?
[6:04 PM] HeavyLobster: Will it electrocute you if it catches you using emulators?
[6:04 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Here, we have a Koopa Troopa, which is another activity."
[6:04 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: He wants to steal the Koopa Troopa's key.

Super Nintendo World Direct Shigeru Miyamoto Koopa Troopa key coins POW Block
That key is NOT for you, Shigeru Miyamoto. (The one on top of the blue POW Block.)
Let's not normalise theft, despite the government doing so with income taxes.


[6:05 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I'm not sure what he was trying to do.
[6:05 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: But whatever it was, he was doing it poorly.
[6:05 PM] HeavyLobster: That bastard hates Koopas and has turned their suffering into a source of amusement.
[6:06 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: As a Koopa, I'm suffering just watching this.
[6:06 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ???
[6:06 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Miyamoto is saying to be careful with Bob-ombs.
[6:06 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Saying they exploded.
[6:07 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: But nothing is happening.
[6:07 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Or am I supposed to use my imagination?
[6:07 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...Nah, it's more likely he's a senile old man.
[6:07 PM] HeavyLobster: It says it's Nintendo World but it's just Mario World so far.
[6:07 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: How about we call it Koopa World?
[6:07 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I don't see the plumber himself anywhere.
[6:07 PM] HeavyLobster: Sure.
[6:08 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: 1-Up Factory?!
[6:08 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: IS THIS THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH?
[6:08 PM] HeavyLobster: Nintendo does have franchises besides Mario, right?
[6:08 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: wtf is that plumber doing to the shell

Super Mario World Direct TOKOTOKO Mario windup toy Koopa shell 1-Up Factory gift shop Osaka
Is this some kind of weird form of exercise Mario does where he attaches the bodies of dead Koopa patriots on a string as he takes a walk?
(No batteries required are the least of my worries.)


[6:08 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (There's an exclusive toy to the 1-Up Factory gift shop)
[6:09 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: He's eating pop corn out of a Star?
[6:09 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...Alright, the plumber's there. >_>
[6:09 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: And his brother.
[6:10 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (I took a screenshot for their photo shoot.)

Super Nintendo World Direct Mario Luigi Shigeru Miyamoto photoshoot pose
What's going on with Mario and Luigi's eyes?
(Obviously, there's not much to comment on for Miyamoto's eyes.)


[6:10 PM] HeavyLobster: Inb4 they're even stricter about not bringing in outside food than theme parks normally are.
[6:10 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: There's a Chef Toad running a restaurant.
[6:10 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Kinopio's Cafe.
[6:10 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: He seems incompetent.
[6:11 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I wonder if any of the food is gluten-free. <.<
[6:11 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: There's a Toad sweatshop in the background as they're making food.
[6:12 PM] HeavyLobster: The kitchen is only staffed by Toads. The Sticker Star influence is showing.
[6:12 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Miyamoto acknowledges that this is part of the SMB 35th Anniversary. So will it disappear after March 31, 2021?
[6:13 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Miyamoto says there are plans to open Super Nintendo World in Singapore, Orlando, and Hollywood.
[6:13 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: But refuses to give details on those plans, such as dates.
[6:14 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: He's taking a "sneak peek" inside Bowser's Castle, aka trespassing.
[6:14 PM] HeavyLobster: I'd look scary too if some stranger broke into my house.
[6:15 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: He's reading Lord Bowser's private letters.

Super Nintendo World Direct King Koopa Bowser's challenge letter Mario Kart kanji
Fortunately, as an extra privacy layer, Lord Bowser writes in a secret language.
(Maybe there's some secret stuff here about Xi Jinping being Winnie the Pooh?)


[6:15 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Like how Princess Peach read his diary in PM64.
[6:15 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: What a jerk.
[6:15 PM] HeavyLobster: That was a whole lot of nothing.
[6:16 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...
[6:16 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I hate Shigeru Miyamoto.



Well? Are you appalled by Mario, Luigi, and Shigeru Miyamoto's treatment of Koopas? Are you willing to fly over to Super Nintendo World in Japan to rescue the Koopas, making sure you don't trespass or “sneak peek” into Lord Bowser's castle in the process? Or would you rather wait for a more local theme park? ...Or no theme park at all? Let KoopaTV know your thoughts in the comments.


That February 4 date isn't happening.
But the park did open up on March 18. Here's everything else in it.

12 comments :

  1. As I recall, didn't Miyamoto say something about being the dad of the Mario bros? Wouldn't that mean (since he considers himself bowser Jrs mom) that Mario and the Koopas are family? I know you already wrote an article about the previous incident, but wow. What a dysfunctional family.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He did say something about that.

      I reject Miyamoto's notion of a family, be they Koopa or plumber.

      Delete
    2. ...Excuse me, what? The-the Mario Bros and the Koopas are what!? Ugh, that is SO cursed! I wish I could unsee that!

      Delete
  2. I kinda wish it had more Nintendo properties than just Mario. I remember when I first heard about Super Nintendo World, I was so excited to see a Pokemon theme park, but nope, just Mario. I guess there's always the future. In addition to Pokemon, I think it would be super cool if they added a Kid Icarus attraction, but we all know that's not happening.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think anything with Pokémon would be its own property, due to how The Pokémon Company International behaves.

      I wonder what games would be around for Kid Icarus that they wouldn't rather just label as The Legend of Zelda. (Any archery game spot would be branded as Zelda, for example.)

      Five-minute flying zone?

      Delete
    2. I thought they would have a nintendo land part, just like the wiiu game. Every individual ride/game would represent a different game series. The kidicarus ride would be that carnival atraction that has a bunch of swing seats spin around in a circle. There could be earthbound putt putt, Duckhunt target shooting, F-Zero water gun 'racing', Chibirobo-house trashcans. Instead of water gunning floating ducks, you would be trying to hit pikmin, with bonus points awarder for knocking Olimar down.

      Instead we have this. The future is a mystery, so who knows what it holds, but this is a step in the right direction.

      Delete
    3. I gotta say, "this" might be better than focusing on individual games, because here the space between attractions is themed in an integrated way.
      The individual game stuff would seem pretty silo'd off, separated by, what, generic things? How do you structurally transition between F-Zero and Duck Hunt? If it's all Mushroom Kingdom, that's easy.

      Delete
    4. That's a good point, i hadn't thouht of that. Though i feel why couldn't we have both? I know this may be an unfair comparison, but think of disney. Different parts of the park have different themes with rides that correspond to that theme, but all the rides are different. I guess i just really want my earthbound putt putt.

      Delete
    5. I dunno, I'm not a human, I've never been to Disney Land so I dunno how the themes are interconnected. >.>

      Delete
  3. YOU GOT FUCKIN MERKED KID LOL!

    ReplyDelete

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