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Monday, March 5, 2018

The Nintendo Switch — Out on the market for ONE YEAR!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Good console. You know it. I know it.

I really don't like dedicating article space to anniversaries of things, because it's boring and there's no story. Unfortunately for me, Nintendo themselves are strongly pushing, along with everyone else in the gaming media because Nintendo's resurgence is a big narrative now (just remember these same people were calling for Nintendo to be a third party developer a few years ago), the whole Nintendo Switch turned one year old thing. Recall how it was released back during the beginning of March 2017, and how it suffered from lots of supply shortages.

Among other things, Nintendo put together this artwork, because this also coincides with the one-year anniversary of The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild.


Nintendo also put together this HORRIFIC press release on their website. So horrific, I'm going to link to an archived version instead of the live one. You won't see any other gaming site's Nintendo Switch anniversary article talk about this press release as their main content, so you're about to witness the KOOPATV EXPERIENCE!

Now, besides the presence of ARMS in the press release as a “highlight”, Nintendo wrote this egregious paragraph:
“Looking ahead to the second year, many fun new things are in store. From hot new games with classic characters like Kirby Star Allies, Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze and Mario Tennis Aces to third-party games like Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus and DARK SOULS: REMASTERED and Nintendo Labo, a series of DIY kits crafted to work with the Nintendo Switch, fans are sure to have new experiences that will put smiles on their faces that they can take with them anywhere to play with anyone!”
Nintendo literally wrote that Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze, the early 2014 Wii U game being ported to the Switch, is a “hot new game”. Later in the same sentence, they wrote that Nintendo Labo is a third-party game in the same list as Wolfenstein II and DARK SOULS. (Alternatively, Wolfenstein II and DARK SOULS are part of a DIY kit series.) That is either Nintendo not knowing their own products, or they are so excited for their comeback console's anniversary that they decided to abandon grammar and sentence structure. (Everything after “many fun new things are in store.” is all one sentence.)

We give people points in the KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program to correct our mistakes, but I don't expect anything but worthless My Nintendo Platinum Coins any time soon from Nintendo. They should have done something like,
“Looking ahead to the second year, many fun new things are in store, such as hot games with classic characters like Kirby Star Allies, Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze, and Mario Tennis Aces, as well as third-party games like Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus and DARK SOULS: REMASTERED. Plus, with Nintendo Labo, a series of DIY kits crafted to work with the Nintendo Switch, fans are sure to have new experiences that will put smiles on their faces that they can take with them anywhere to play with anyone!”
The best thing they could have done was just make another list of bullet points.

Anyway, if you desire to, go celebrate the anniversary in the comments section. Quite frankly, I don't see why 365 (or 368 or whatever days by the time you read this) days after the release of a product to the public is the cause of a celebration. All I see is that press release, which for me is the cause of consternation.


Don't get Ludwig wrong, he likes his Nintendo Switch. He's just sensitive about FAKE NEWS press releases, and about TIME-based events, given what next week is. He has spent more time on Nintendo's grammar than his own, since he is generally good at writing things perfectly on his first try. You are free to send him a Switch friend request at the friend code provided on the Contact page. He'll try to get permission from the other KoopaTV staffers so their Switch friend codes can be public as well.


Ludwig is a hypocrite, because he willingly and enthusiastically wrote a one-year anniversary article for the Wii U.
Even worse, Ludwig doubled down by writing a two-year anniversary for the Wii U. (He learned his lesson by 2015, however.)
In a previous press release, Nintendo referred to the 3DS port of Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney as a new game.

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