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Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Paper Mario: Color Splash — Episode 7: Final Episode!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Swear Upon the Orange Sun Rescue V Will Never Die!

I hope, on a net-basis, you all enjoyed KoopaTV's coverage of Nintendo's Paper Mario: Color Splash Rescue V web series. It was nice to see, across a period of a couple of months, people slowly reaching the same conclusions that we did about Paper Mario: Color Splash after E3. And we caught a lot of heat for that across the Internet. As usual, however, KoopaTV is on the right side of history.

But that's the kind of language I should save for KoopaTV's review of Paper Mario: Color Splash. We must discuss the final episode of the Rescue V series, called Final Episode. It features the Chief Toad!

Chief Toad has massive fingers. He also admires Mario's cooking, but there's a critical flaw in such admiration: No one has tried Mario's cooking.

Paper Mario Color Splash cooking skill restaurant dinner Nintendo Wii U Toads Chef
Mario seems like he's really good at cooking? What a baseless assertion.

Look at the plates of the Toads. Absolutely spotless. The utensils have no residue on them, either. It is extremely unlikely that every Toad in the restaurant would have licked all of their silverware completely clean. The much more likely situation is that no food was served. It's a phantom event. A PR stunt. It's like when Hillary Clinton gave “speeches” to Wall Street firms for millions of dollars and refuses to provide transcripts for them. Why? Because the transcripts would be blank pieces of paper. No one would actually pay money to hear what Hillary Clinton has to say about something, and especially with such a shrill speaker. Similarly, no one would pay money to eat food that Mario made. There is no food. There's just paying to buy his influence. And, believe me, there's influence that the plumber has.

That said, I don't believe that the Chief is analogous to a Wall Street banker. He's more equivalent to a Clinton Foundation staff member who organised the events and disposed of evidence.

So, I believe that the Chief Toad is corrupt. Two more reasons why.

First, he carelessly drops spoilers in.

...I probably should've warned about that.

Paper Mario Color Splash spoilers Chief Toad Rescue V Nintendo black paint
The spoilers that the Chief revealed weren't anything that we didn't already figure out when we first saw Black Bowser, though.
Rescue Red should've read ALL of KoopaTV's coverage! (Which all comes from official Nintendo sources.)
People who spoil like that cannot be trusted. Rescue Red gets so distraught, that he burned his own colour off!

So, we have a dishonest and untrustworthy Chief Toad that is taking actions that impede his own squad. And after that, he stands and does absolutely NOTHING but be a Mario sycophant. AGAIN. The whole point of this web series is supposed to be about how the Rescue V are the TRUE protagonists, and that Mario jerk is overrated and a fraud! What other explanation is there for Chief Toad selling out his squad, if not that he's corrupt and a double agent?

Paper Mario Color Splash Chief Toad Rescue V you're all fired
Chief Toad siding with Mario and Huey, firing all of the Rescue V! (Who all look unhappy.)

And... that's that. It was all a rigged set-up all along. Chief Toad was playing us for fools. And what will become of the Rescue Toads? Will they be disgruntled and rebellious? Will they give their heroism up, and blend in with the normal Toad population?

Or will they join the basket of deplorables?

Paper Mario: Color Splash comes out very shortly. The hype is building, and the only way to know what happens with the Rescue V is to play the game, and/or keep reading KoopaTV!

Episode 6's write-up is here.
The game is finally released.


  1. I'm so conflicted about Color Splash.

    Do you think we'll ever get another Paper Mario game with storytelling (not just the writing itself, but the plot and characters) on par with Super Paper Mario? While I prefer the gameplay of the original and Thousand-Year Door, I rank Super Paper Mario at the top for its story and characters.

    1. My personal belief is that we'll never get another Paper Plumber game with SPM-level storytelling.
      I believe that is a shame.

      However, I also believe that it's not right to take that out on Color Splash.

  2. I suspect that Chief Toad may actually be the second in command behind this entire scheme. The reason that he fired the Rescue V is because he underestimated their strength. He never suspected they would get as far as they did. That is why he had to replace them with a plumber who is truly incapable of stopping Black Bowser's master plan from achieving fruition.

    1. So, to be clear, you're claiming that Chief Toad is working for Black Bowser?

    2. That is what I believe. I'll just have to see if I am correct once I play the game for myself.


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