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Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Go Watch Star Fox Zero — The Battle Begins

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Shigeru Miyamoto's latest short film masterpiece.

A year and a half ago, Shigeru Miyamoto poured his black, shriveled heart out to produce the awesome Pikmin movie shorts.

They were so... good, that I called upon Miyamoto to do that producer role full-time and quit game design. He hasn't listened to me and has since spread lies about my family in retaliation for my suggestion. Fortunately, even though he hasn't quit game design, the movie producer role wasn't a one-time gig.

Here's his latest work: Star Fox Zero — The Battle Begins:


Isn't it... awesome? Animated film that, from what I can tell, goes over the first mission of Star Fox Zero and some prologue. We get some world-building for the franchise we haven't seen before, too, and it ends in a cliffhanger to make you want to buy the game at the end. (Plus, the credits is in-game footage of what you just saw animated!)

Star Fox Zero The Battle Begins dogs Corneria Cornerian society guitar furry
For example, I didn't fully comprehend Corneria is just full of dog people. It's like something out of Arthur.

...Yeah, while that dog screenshot makes me feel uncomfortable because I'm quickly associating it with furry fan-service, the animated short film is still worth watching, overall. 

Star Fox Zero The Battle Begins Peppy Hair Hare typo error intercom Slippy Toad
It may be hard to see, but apparently the Star Fox Team's HR department is incompetent. (“Peppy Hair” instead of “Peppy Hare”.)

Nintendo revealed this short in a Treehouse Live event, and then had some Treehouse players play Star Fox Zero. I didn't actually watch it, or this would be a Reaction Log and not Gaming Commentary.

Star Fox Zero The Battle Begins animated short followed by Nintendo Treehouse Live April 20
Totally don't know what happened here.

I'm not sure I would want to watch the actual game. Or play it. Again, all Shigeru Miyamoto is good at are these movies, not actual game design, right?

Star Fox Zero The Battle Begins Credits Shigeru Miyamoto executive producer Nintendo WIT Studio Production IG
Executive Producer: Shigeru Miyamoto.

Nintendo also released an overview trailer for the actual Star Fox Zero game, along with Star Fox Guard. You can watch it here, though it's not even close to as worth it as Star Fox Zero — The Battle Begins.

Star Fox Guard weird finger position GamePad Wii U
It features this guy's disgusting fingers touching the GamePad.

Why is the HOME button constantly glowing blue? Why don't they use the stylus?

Now, I can't do this myself since yours truly only has four fingers, as is normal for Koopas, but for the five-fingered folks reading this, try moving your fingers in the position shown in the screenshot above. Isn't that really uncomfortable? It's painful just to watch, so don't.

Watch Star Fox Zero — The Battle Begins. It's a pleasure. Send a message to Shigeru Miyamoto: Make more movies, and focus on that full-time!

(...After that, I hope he doesn't next claim he's MY mother!) 


Ludwig isn't going to buy Star Fox Zero, which comes out April 22. He hopes that doesn't ruin the message of this article...in fact, it should bolster the message! He's still followed the franchise's story, and he's concerned about Star Fox Zero retconning the continuity.


Nintendo is ACTUALLY entering the movie business! Is this the opportunity we're looking for to get rid of Miyamoto from games?

14 comments :

  1. You aren't buying Star Fox Zero, but will you buy Zelda U?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Probably.

      Don't you think it'd be awesome if Miyamoto had an animated short movie for Zelda U, like this?

      Delete
    2. You didnt exactly answer my question...

      Delete
    3. I said "Probably."

      To be more specific, that means, “It depends on their design decisions. We hardly know anything about the game, so I don't want to commit to purchasing it at this point in time.”

      Delete
    4. Quit being a jerk and just say yes.

      Delete
  2. "'Peppy Hair' instead of 'Peppy Hair'."

    You made that say it twice.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, shit, their HR Department sucks and so does my QA Department.

      Delete
  3. I'll be getting the game day one. Tomorrow is the day!

    ReplyDelete

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