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Tuesday, March 24, 2015

George Zimmerman's taste in women: Mario fans?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I'm finally starting to see why everyone else in the world has something against George Zimmerman.

KoopaTV has done some investigative reporting on the woman who lied about getting a wine bottle thrown at her by George Zimmerman to get her out of a traffic ticket.

While we never found out the answer of, "Did she actually pay the ticket?" we did find something deeply, deeply disturbing. And we don't consider "She was in a relationship with George Zimmerman and lived with him" to be disturbing.

LOOK AT HER POSE WITH THAT FIRE FLOWER.

You don't see ME posing with Fire Flowers, do you? And she is obviously a fan of the Mario brothers, the same bastards who are well-known in Koopa Kingdom (and by you and the rest of the universe) as the terrorists who continually make the lives of my family miserable.

You can see from the time-stamp that this was before she became George Zimmerman's roommate, meaning this was past history with her. Meaning that he knew full well that the woman we are referring to as "Ms. BB" (to moderately respect her privacy) was a supporter of that punk plumber and his pals... and dare I say, chose her because of this.

Shame on George Zimmerman, who we had a budding business relationship with before Ms. BB moved in with him. He knew who I was already and then did this? If we ever signed a contract, this would be breaching it! If Mr. Zimmerman does not understand why I'm so enraged, the equivalent would be like if I dated Eric Holder's kid or something. Or maybe one of (or both, at the same time) Obama's daughters.

It turns out that...

She throws ENTIRE PARTIES dedicated to that plumber!

That's like if I invited Zimmerman to a #BlackLivesMatter party hosted by Al Sharpton, Eric Holder, and President Barack Hussein Obama. Although, from what I hear, those kinds of parties are the kind where you just go and shoot police officers. More on that below (A NEW VIDEO!).


While George Zimmerman is not guilty of murder, we charge him guilty of association with Mario-sympathisers. Zimmerman had this to say in a video-interview he prepared today for this article.
"only in a true life or death scenario can you have mental clearness to know that you cannot feel guilty for surviving."
Since having a girlfriend is presumably not a "true life or death scenario", George Zimmerman accepts his fate as guilty of association. His punishment is that I will continue to cover ZimmermanTV, but it will not be... in positive terms.

Going back to our investigation: We also uncovered another interesting photo from Ms. BB's Facebook!

Who is this mysterious man?

Now, this isn't my idea, but some other people on KoopaTV's staff think the above dude in the kart is George Zimmerman himself.

Which would canonise "Zimmerman Kart" immediately, first seen here (as the catalyst for the arrest) and now reposted for your viewing pleasure:


So yeah, I'm going to extend my lack of faith towards George Zimmerman's ability to find normal girlfriends who don't falsely accuse him of violence to George Zimmerman's tastes in general. Dude should not be supporting that diabolical mustachioed maniac in any way, including people who throw parties in his name. Not Zimmerman's name, but Mario's.

We threw a party in Zimmerman's name.


(You can't play as Mad King Sharpnard, though. That's for Zimmerman Party 10.)

Okay, let's go into meta-discussion for a moment. We get some shit with every new ZimmermanTV article. I mean, what is that stuff doing on a videogame commentary blog? Hope you see now that, in the end, it really is still all about videogames! (It just took over a year and a half, almost two, to reach this point.) If you didn't already count Zimmerman trying to make real-life decisions based off Trayvon Tyson's Punch-Out!! as about videogames. 'cause that's really as far as you're going to get in terms of how videogames can affect your life.

Also, life lesson in general: Just because someone is a "gamer girl" or whatever doesn't mean they're your soul-mate. If that's your strict criteria, then you're gonna get a lot of competition and the gal might not even be interested in the "gamer" dudes to begin with. Look at Zimmerman! He doesn't usually play videogames (he's too poor), though we endorsed Super Smash Bros. For 3DS for him. But he got the "gamer girl" (temporarily, though he did have sexual relations with her) in the end, not you.

Not that I'd want to go anywhere near Ms. BB. She's a dental hygienist. Those people are downright evil.

Ludwig Von Koopa posing with Fire Flower Super Smash Bros. For Wii U item
...Well, at least I'm not also wearing a Mario Brothers T-shirt.


This article's existence is proof enough why you shouldn't have a Facebook. Ludwig's own Facebook (along with KoopaTV's) got banned a long time ago, and everyone else should follow suit in a voluntary fashion. It's dangerous. If you want social media, why not follow KoopaTV on Twitter?


Next on ZimmermanTV: He gets shot.

4 comments :

  1. lmao why do you act like youre actually a real life non-fictional ludwig von koopa writing a gaming news site thats actually just jerking it to racist murderers

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...I think this is a loaded question full of inaccurate assumptions. But thanks for commenting.

      Delete

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