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Tuesday, May 24, 2022

Mario Got Smashed in the Face by a Strike Ball

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - He deserves a fate far worse than this, of course.

As part of the promotion for the upcoming Mario Strikers: Battle League for the Nintendo Switch (releasing June 10, 2022), Mario's face got smashed in by a Strike Ball. Apparently the theme is “so much fun it hurts!” I don't think the ball was as hard on him as I'd like it to be, since he still has a face left over.

It's important to note that Mario Strikers: Battle League is marketed as “soccer-like”... but it's not soccer. Still, being close enough to soccer has always made me prefer Mario Superstar Baseball to Super Mario Strikers when they both released on the GameCube in late 2005. Unlike Samus Aran, I'm not a fan of just anything with a ball.

Mario Strikers Battle League commercial ball lands on Mario
I do specifically like the balls that get jammed into Mario's face, though.

It's unclear why in the commercial that Mario turns against Peach (or vice-versa)—she was resting next to him; clearly she wasn't the one who kicked the Strike Ball into his face. And based on the facial expressions, I think it's clear that Mario is the angry guy, declaring his battle cry of “LET'SA GO!” ...Princess Peach kicked Mario into an electric fence out of self-defence.

You might also wonder about the Mushroom Kingdom Princess being on the same team as King Bowser and Wario. Well, clearly she feels more safe with my father than Mario with fire in his eyes going on a rage-fueled tantrum. King Dad was merely helping protect her. I'll do my part as well in my own way.

Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Mario Ludwig Von Koopa Soccer Ball Princess Peach
But I don't need to buy another game to smash Mario's face in with a soccer ball while Peach is napping!
Besides, I'm not even in Mario Strikers: Battle League... neither are a lot of other characters, I hear.

This isn't supposed to be a “Ludwig doesn't care about Mario Strikers: Battle League and there's nothing you can do about it!” article, but rather a “let's show some pictures of Mario being hurt by a soccer ball because that's in an advertisement” article. He wasn't sure if this should be an Artistic Corner article or an Enlightenment Movement article, but upon examination that Princess Toadstool sided with King Koopa against Mario's berserk rampage, then it became clear that this is yet another example of how Mario is a danger to society.

Ludwig didn't get a chance to hit Mario with a Strike Ball during the Mario Strikers: Battle League First Kick demo.


  1. Now when people criticize Peach for refusing to marry Mario in Super Mario Odyssey maybe they will understand why in this article. Peach clearly sees the red flags of Mario being a spousal abuser. As for why Peach seems to also be against your dad, she is suffering from battered girlfriend syndrome. Mario does go through the honeymoon phase of abuse, making Peach think Mario will for sure change his ways and therefore be against your dad in protecting her by seemingly kidnapping her. It is very hard for victims to break out of this cycle of abuse and why battered girlfriends/boyfriends/wives/husbands stay in an abusive relationship.

    1. "Battered" is the word I was getting at but couldn't think of while writing this. Thank you for your insight.

      I'm hoping that Princess Peach will realise that Lord Bowser is the right man for her eventually!

    2. There is a link between abusing animals and spousal abuse:

      Now think how Mario is abusive to cows and what that means for Peach.

    3. Well, that ties Monday and Tuesday together.


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