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Friday, February 12, 2016

Yahoo! eSports! No More Gym Class!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - If you so choose.

So remember when I said ESPN now has an eSports section? Yahoo! is getting one too, soon. With dedicated staff. Now, it is as if you DON'T have an eSports section on your website, it's a competitive disadvantage.

KoopaTV will not be having an eSports section anytime soon. An article every so often is more than enough.

Yahoo! yahoo.com products and services features list February 2016
I guess there will now be an E section. Or maybe it'll be a lowercase e.
By the way, their Games section is much like ours, except they have garbage instead of greatness.

In other news, apparently I'm supposed to be spelling it as “esports”, according to Super Smash Bros. Melee player MacD. He didn't respond to my question, and if you notice, every source cited in this article spells it as eSports.

If you have any insights as to what's correct, let me know. We'll update everything on the site.

But you know what else is being updated? (Or downgraded, depending on your viewpoint?)

According to this report, some Scandinavian schools are offering eSports classes as an optional alternative to the traditional gym class. These include Norway's Garnes High School & Folk High School, and Sweden's Arlanda Gymnasiet school. There will be 5 hours dedicated to eSports training for the 30-hour school week. That is an hour of eSports a day.

Gym class didn't even last an hour when I was in school, and it wasn't even everyday.

You know, Europe has abysmally high obesity rates, and I'm not sure people outside of Europe realise that. I tried to let people know the truth when I wrote about the Splatoon Splatfest for Team Eating vs. Team Sleeping. You see the map in that article? Scandinavia is the collection of countries in the upper-centre of the map with the over 60% overweight+obese population.

Denmark literally imposed a fat tax at one point to try to deal with the problem, but like a lot of government social engineering, it flopped.

And that's with an hour of gym class every day that can be optionally replaced with eSports. While physical activity will be a component of the eSports training regiment, if actual gym class won't be enough physical exercise for these kids, and eSports class can only mean less exercise...

...I'm just wondering if fat taxes and eSports instead of gym is another thing about democratic socialism that Bernie Sanders will want to get from Scandinavia. He already appeals to college kids with offers of free tuition — next he'll appeal to fat nerdy elementary schoolers with offers of playing videogames instead of going to gym class!

Update 2/14/2016: But as we'll see, even European socialists want money:

There's some more data we can use for this article, and it again comes from a Splatfest. For New Years, Europe had Team Fit vs. Team Rich, or Fitness vs. Money. Fitness won, but not by popular vote.

Splatoon Splatfest results Very Fit Very Rich Fitness Money team
More people supported getting rich than getting fit, but the fit folks won more often.

While this helps Wii Fit Trainer mains stay ahead of Wario mains, it speaks to what's going on here: Europeans would rather focus on making big bucks than staying healthy. They would rather eat a ton than get sleep, as shown in Eating vs. Sleeping.

It's very much more difficult to get money as a professional athlete than as an eSports athlete. They're both very hard, but you need connections and stuff for sports. You need skills for eSports, first and foremost.

Here's the thing, though: While gym class helps you out regardless of whether you want to be a professional athlete, or just a regular average person... eSports class only helps you out if you want to get out of gym class, or think you'll be the next eSports phenom. Exactly what would a classroom teacher be able to teach you about how to be an eSports star is beyond me. 


Ludwig didn't enjoy gym class for the most part, but it was pivotal to a lot of memorable moments. These include his legendary dodgeball technique of being the only one left on the team (where he was picked last), dodge every ball, and then stall for the rest of class as all the balls would be on his side and he wouldn't throw any of them, forcing a tie. Dodgeball has since been removed from school curricula worldwide. Do you have gym class stories, and do you think these are more memorable and educational than an eSports story could be? Share in the comments!


For a legitimate use of using videogames in an educational setting, see Minecraft: Education Edition or MinecraftEDU.

23 comments :

  1. "STRETCH THOSE SHOLDERS"
    "LETS STRETCH OUR LEGS"
    "FEEL THE BURN IN YOUR THIGHS"
    "THE KEY IS TO FOCUS IN YOUR BALANCE"
    "SUCK IN THAT GUT"
    "LETS GET FIT TOGETHER"
    "THAT WAS A GOOD WORKOUT"

    Thats all I need for exercise XD

    and I spell it as E-sports lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. All you need is Wii Fit Trainer yelling at you, and your calories will run from your body?

      (Yeaaaah I'm pretty sure E-sports ain't right.)

      Delete
    2. The yells are more effective than you think XD

      (Well in the end as long as people know what you mean it doesnt really matter)

      Delete
    3. Yeah, that would be more effective than I think, which is that they ain't effective at all.

      (Being correct always matters!)

      Delete
    4. Exactly!

      Also its so unfair that fitness won... I was rooting for getting rich
      Apparently the most popular choice gets less wins all the time cause of the more bad players in it....

      Delete
    5. I myself would've voted Rich, so yeah...

      The bad players would theoretically be distributed equally among both teams.
      If 50% of the players suck, and Team A has 80% of all players, and Team B has 20% of all players, half of Team A's players will still suck, and half of Team B's players will still suck.

      The reason there is a skill difference is that bad players are more likely to join Team A not because Team A has more people, but because of another factor — like it's child-bait.

      Delete
    6. yeah I guess.... so im going to strategically pick for the next splatfest!

      #TeamBlue/BlastoiseFTW

      Delete
  2. You did not incorporate the results from EU's Splatfest Get Fit vs Get Rich into your article.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...Guess that was my opportunity. Woops. :o

      I could pull one of those free DLC moments and update the article.

      Delete
    2. DONE
      IT EVEN HAS ITS OWN ANCHOR
      http://www.koopatv.org/2016/02/yahoo-esports-no-more-gym-class.html#update

      Delete
    3. Wow, I can't believe one of my suggestions has been fulfilled. Even if it is only an update and I suggested it in the article itself and not in the request area.

      Delete
    4. KoopaTV exists for the people, by the monarchy. :)

      Delete
    5. I'm excited for the next Splatfest related article.

      Delete
    6. You weren't planning to before? But when a Splatfest is announced I eagerly wait for your thoughts on it.

      Delete
    7. I-I am planning to!

      ...I just haven't started.

      Delete
    8. Finally changed my avatar to reflect my choice in the upcoming Splatfest.

      Delete
    9. Well you saw what shirt I was wearing in those morning matches today.

      Delete

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