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Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Mario Kart 8: Driving Ludicrous Content

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - That's what DLC stands for, right?

Once upon a time, I praised Nintendo for their innovative approach to DLC and free-to-play.

Those times are over as Nintendo in Europe (you can bet that's coming to America and elsewhere too) unveils two "Add-On Content" packages, with Nintendo of America following. This is the day before the Mercedes-Benz DLC finally comes out over there and elsewhere. So what's in them?

Each "Add-On Content pack" has three new characters, four new vehicles, and eight new (to Mario Kart 8, anyway) courses! If you buy both of them, you get eight different Yoshi and eight different Shy Guy colours! They're 7 British Pounds each, which is about $11.50. In America, they're $8 each, or $12 put together. So good deal for Americans and bad deal for the British, or... something.

But what is everyone really excited about? Screenshots like:

FURRY PEACH!
 ...But more importantly,


Link can drive?!

The added characters are: "Tanooki Mario", "Cat Peach", and "Link" in one package, and "Villager", "Isabelle", and "Dry Bowser" in the other. In other words, Mario Kart 8 is turning into "Super Smash Kart"...

...So, why is that a bad thing? Is it a bad thing? After all, that's what everyone wanted.

But you know what no one wants that is present in Mario Kart 8? Complete abuse of existing characters. We're going to have Mario, Metal Mario, Baby Mario, and now Tanooki Mario... We have Peach, Pink Gold Peach, Baby Peach, and now Cat Peach... It makes me fear what will happen to myself! Please no weird Koopaling costume DLC! I BEG OF YOU. WE'RE GONNA GET "ALPHA SAPPHIRE LUDWIG" just to mock me.

It's bad enough that in the future we're inevitably going to get something like this:

Link based off Pink Gold Peach.
Pink Gold Link.

Do you want that? DO YOU? Is this where the Amiibos are really taking us?!

More importantly, do you want all this expensive add-on content?

Let's recall the uproar over how Mario Golf: World Tour had Day 1 DLC packs where if you got all the packs for $15 total and got additional golf courses, you could also get Gold Mario. (...What is with this series and ruining its characters?) KoopaTV never had an article about it but hopefully you remember it or can look it up yourself. A lot of people were displeased. A lot more were fine with it. World Tour was only $30 by itself and was considered a finished product even without the add-on content. Similarly, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney — Dual Destinies is more than amazing without its DLC (also at $30), but the DLC case is also amazing and totally worth your money ($6).

Do you consider Mario Kart 8 to be a finished product? I've had quite a lot more time with the game since my first impression. So regardless of your answer, here's my answer: Yes, it's a finished product, but it's relatively bare-bones and is not justifiably $60. Spending more money to eventually support the existence of Pink Gold Link is not a good idea. And that's really my number one concern.

There are some other thoughts like, "Does no Diddy Kong mean 'Diddy Kong Racing Wii U' confirmed?" and "Why can't we just get 'Kirby Air Ride 2'?" Those thoughts are irrelevant.

Bow to your Pink Gold Link overlord.


Ludwig doesn't want the other Nintendo franchises to suffer from the character degradation that his own franchise suffers from. In terms of having other Nintendo IPs play by the rules of the Mario franchise, he has always preferred segregation today, segregation tomorrow, and segregation forever.


Not only is Ludwig opposed to this DLC in theory, but he's opposed to it in implementation as well. 
Pink Gold Link hasn't happened (yet), but Gold Mega Man amiibo and "Linkle" have.
Ludwig rails against another set of expansion DLC packs, this time for... The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild.
It turns out that when DLC is free, it's to bait assassination targets.

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