Why a Chaotic Genius Brings Gear to a Deserted Island…and for Splatfest, You Should Too!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - It's the obvious choice... and still the choice if you think harder than that.

The most immediate impact of the Nintendo Direct earlier this week was the announcement of a new Splatfest that is starting NEXT WEEK. And new to this Splatfest (as opposed to the previous one) is a SNEAK PEAK period. With the sneak peak, if you pick a side in-game now, you can earn points for your team in the designated sneak peak category for this week before the actual Splatfest begins—which means I really need to write and publish this article now before everyone goes and picks their team in order to influence people. Because there's enormous incentive for people to pick teams as soon as possible.

And the first post-release Splatfest prompt is...

Team Gear? Team Grub? Team Fun? What would you bring to a deserted island?

Let's get things straight: Deserted island means the island is either desolate, or it had life on it that abandoned it. Nothing in the prompt says that you're stranded on the island. Think of the deserted island as... a hotel stay. So you can get back to civilisation and back to the island as you please.

That should significantly affect your intended purpose of going to the island and what your mission will be. And therefore... what you would bring to the island.

I suppose Frye was on Team Pizza... and probably Team Eating.

If the island doesn't have edible things, you could just... leave the island, eat at the port, and come back to the island.

Here's what I'd see as the objective: Conquer the island and establish it as a Koopa Kingdom base. Perhaps we'd have our ships port there. Maybe the Megabad Super Battleship of Dooooooooooom (or the Super Ludship) and the Super Ludsub—Cobalt Base and Fort Cobalt are on its own island in the sea. So I have experience with deserted islands (or... making them deserted if they have any inhabitants squatting the area already). I can tell you that tools and gear are what you need to bring to achieve such conquest, so I'm on Team Gear.

And, yes, I'd say achieving that mission is QUITE AN INHERENTLY FUN ACTIVITY. Gwehehehe!

I have unique experience as someone who built a base and a fort on this island.
WITH GEAR.

Now... let's say you don't serve the ranks of an imperialistic empire. You should still want to pick Team Gear. As something a lot more... relatable to you masses, consider the islands of the Animal Crossing series. The GameCube Animal Crossing has the Animal Island; Animal Crossing: New Leaf has Tortimer Island; and Animal Crossing: New Horizons has several mystery islands. These islands are fairly deserted, often having no one there... or maybe one permanent resident and some occasional staffers. And as a result, they're teeming with rare wildlife that Tom Nook will pay QUITE a bit of money for. If you want to make a handy profit, what will you bring to these deserted islands? That's right... TOOLS. GEAR. Like the fishing rod, bug net, and the wet suit.

The other members of Deep Cut fail to actually refute Shiver's logic here.
That's because she's objectively correct.
Gear's potential versatility allows it to serve the roles of Grub, Food, and more.

You won't bring food to, say, Tortimer's Island because there's already food growing there... though gear makes acquiring that food and helping prepare it so it's more scrumptious (or edible) substantially easier. (And if you're good enough, you can use gear to make the island resources sustainably replenish. Team Grub is “give a man a fish and you feed him for a day,” while Team Gear can be “teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.”) And you won't bring a “fun item” to that island because just being there is fun on its own, and your gear helps facilitate the fun. It's not very fun being there WITHOUT using any of the tools. The gear makes the experience.

And in some situations, you could bring fun items and count them as gear. That includes a smartphone (which has plenty of serious applications) with a good data plan... and a Game Boy Advance as the useful Tingle Tuner (you know, from The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker on the GameCube... but not from its HD remaster). The Tingle Tuner, which is gear, lets you summon Tingle Bombs, Tingle's balloon, an invincible Tingle Shield, a variety of Tings (restorative potion drinks that hopefully satisfy one's thirst), as well as an All-Purpose Bait delivery service (which is edible for any creature... though according to my unfinished fan-fic Events of Star World 2, it may have some...severe side-effects when eaten too much). Link certainly brought the Tingle Tuner as gear with him when HE explored deserted islands across the Great Sea... and if you join Team Gear, you can too.


Ludwig was literally pondering this Splatfest for over seven hours today. The whole day was just thinking! Team Gear was the obvious pick that most of his friends (and Splatoon 3 players in general) are choosing, but he likes to go past surface-level obviousness and think further. And so he did. All day. ...And same outcome. If you have any good arguments against this, please share them in the comments section. As of publishing, Ludwig still hasn't chosen his team in-game, so you have the opportunity to convince him otherwise.


The next Splatfest (in November) asks which Pokémon type you'd choose as your partner!