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Monday, November 16, 2015

KoopaTV Judges CBS's Democrat Presidential Debate

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The title is a misnomer. They're not running to be your president. They're running to be your tyrant.

We don't want KoopaTV's judgments of these presidential candidates — Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, and Martin O'Malley (how long does he plan to be there?) to get stale. So let me put it up front:

This will be the last Democrat 2016 presidential primary we'll be judging. Oh, I'll still watch them because of my masochist behaviours. But we could keep giving analysis on the events of Thursday's Nintendo Direct and have plenty of material without wasting articles on these D-denominated dimwits.

More importantly, this is all still a coronation of Hillary Clinton. She is the inevitable candidate that no one with an operating brain has love for. At least the other side has an on-going exciting soap opera of moving parts full of drama and intrigue. And at least some candidates on that other side are bringing up issues surrounding the videogame industry, or even directly referenced a specific game. Meanwhile all the Democrats have is a candidate who has a past of trying to ban videogame sales.

And that's a good segue to go into the tyranny they wish upon America! 

First: We need appropriate background music to set the tone for this article. ...This should do.

The Dark Age of the Law

The Dark Age of the Law is set to begin in 2020. 2020 happens to be part of the term of the winner of this presidential election. I firmly believe that nominating one of the Democrat participants of this debate would lead to the Dark Age of the Law occurring.

Just listen to what they say.

Hillary Clinton immigration reform using executive action CBS News Democratic Debate
"Using executive action" means "bypassing Congress and writing your own laws."

When asked, "Realistically, how could you go further [than President Obama's usage on executive action for immigration reform when he is facing legal trouble for it] with executive action?" Hillary answers:
"Well first of all I know that, uh, the president has appealed the, uh, decision, uhh, to the Supreme Court. And, my reading of the law, and the Constitution, um, convinces me that the president has the authority that he is attempting to exercise with respect to Dreamers and their parents, because I think all of us on this stage agree that we need comprehensive immigration reform with a path to citizenship." [Emphasis added.]
Hillary later adds how she has met some of these illegal immigrants and how they're good people that we should all be proud of. So we should give them citizenship (and full voting rights, giving eleven million more Democrat voters overnight).

As you can see from her quote, Hillary Clinton believes that the Constitution allows the president (which she is projecting as herself) to unilaterally give citizenship to over eleven million illegal immigrants because she (and two other people on the stage) believe that it's something we need.

In other words, the whole legal system of the country needs to change based on what Hillary and two supporting characters think (and might as well ignore them). That's not a Constitutional Republic. That's tyranny. Again, I'm not putting her words out-of-context. She literally said that the president has the legal authority because she thinks it's a good idea.

Tell me, what is different between that and tyranny?

As Phoenix Wright will say in the future, "These are dark times. Where the law has been reduced to rubble. And it's up to us to restore it to its former glory."

Bernie Sanders CBS News Democratic presidential debate
Bernie Sanders was pissed off the whole debate.

Other Dumb Moments

What other stupid things were said? Well, many, but some notable ones:
  • Bernie Sanders answered a question about a crisis that has prepared him for the presidency. His answer was that he didn't get the perfect piece of legislation he wanted so he compromised. That is to say, he believes that not getting his way is a "crisis."
  • Bernie Sanders still believes that "climate change" is the world's greatest security threat, more so than terrorism.
  • Hillary Clinton used the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks as justification for why Wall Street (which the Democrats view as evil) supports her campaign. This was even called out by a live Tweet shown on the stage!
  • Every candidate plugged their website in their closing statement. According to pollster Frank Luntz, voters dislike that.
  • Martin O'Malley kept pathetically trying to interject by saying "Personal privilege, John!" What the hell does that mean? I thought liberals tell old white guys like O'Malley to "check" their privilege!
  • Martin O'Malley answering a question about the world being too dangerous for a governor with no foreign policy experience by saying the world is not dangerous for America. (But is presumably too dangerous for him.)
  • Hillary stating that "we're not at war with all of Islam" when asked about if we're at war with "radical Islam." That wasn't the question, Hillary.
  • Bernie Sanders would be fine with an 89% tax rate.
  • Martin O'Malley says that some of the wealthy people he talks to would be fine with having higher taxes. Therefore, every wealthy person is fine with higher taxes. 
  • Hillary Clinton doesn't want your state governor to administer healthcare. In fact, she believes it is better if SHE were the one to administer it, because DIVISION of labour doesn't exist to her.

Bernie Sanders squinting angry face CBS Democratic debate
Bernie Sanders has amazing screenshot opportunities.

Still, not everything was bad. The CBS moderator, John "Governor you're breaking the rules" Dickerson, was good. Bernie Sanders was right on Hillary's vote in Iraq contributing to the crapshoot in what we have now. Martin O'Malley has a point that America needs to think about "the day after" when America goes on military adventurism. Bernie Sanders also wants to get the military to be cost-effective. Great! Additionally, the debate was co-sponsored with Twitter. This is in contrast with the Fox News debate co-sponsored with Facebook. Twitter is much better than Facebook! Facebook is terrible.

Martin O'Malley eyebrows CBS Democratic Debate face
Martin O'Malley also had an eyebrow thing going on where he keeps raising his nearly non-existent eyebrows during his answers.

The Timing of the Debate

The debate happened Saturday night during football games and wrestling and whatever. As a result, the debate had substantially fewer people watching than the other debates we've covered so far: Only 8.5 million. Folks speculate that the Democrat Party is doing that intentionally: The more people hear Hillary Clinton, the less they like her. Therefore, the strategy is to put all of these debates at weird times that guarantee lower viewership! And also to minimise the number of debates.

Hey, if the people setting up the debates don't want us to watch them, then who are we to insist?

So screw writing these for the Democrats from now on.


  • Beauty: Martin O'Malley
  • Cool: Bernie Sanders
  • Cute: Bernie Sanders
  • Smart: Bernie Sanders
  • Tough: Bernie Sanders
By the way. KoopaTV's official endorsement for the Democrat nomination?

We've decided it's Bernie Sanders.

Take that however you want.

Ludwig is sick and tired of these damn e-mails Democrat debates. He'd love your non-spam e-mails, and you can check out KoopaTV's contact information here. More immediately, he would also appreciate your comments!

Check out KoopaTV's analysis of the Democrats' first debate here. It was more fun.
Bernie was so honoured by his official endorsement from KoopaTV that he wrote a guest article for us!
This is awkward... The Dark Age of the Law has already begun.

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