The Wonderful 1237 Strategy Guides: Ted Cruz

 By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Shooting the finest Canadian bacon.

The article scheduling is going to let you see two very different situations: last week's strategy guide was on the very last minigame I developed for The Wonderful 1237, KoopaTV's awesome videogame pitting you against seventeen other Republican presidential candidates. You'll want to win more delegates than they get (1237 being the magic number), and each candidate's endorsement minigame is an important part of achieving that.

As explained in the Wonderful Wednesday article about those minigames, I'll be writing these strategy guides — one for each candidate, in a specific order. This one is about the guy who came in second place (in terms of delegate count) in real life: Senator Ted Cruz of Texas, a man who has been likened to an Alolan Raticate on KoopaTV. (This should explain his... low Beauty and Cute stats.)

Candidate Stats

Base stats and growth:

Beauty: 0 + (0–2)

Cool: 1 + (0–5)

Cute: 0 + (0–2)

Smart: 0 + (1–5)

Tough: 1 + (0–5)

Average untouched stats after 14 rounds:

Beauty: 14

Cool: 36

Cute: 14

Smart: 42

Tough: 36

Average likelihood of surviving Iowa if untouched:

Fairly likely. (Ted Cruz will have 13 delegates on average; need 11 to clear.)

“VERSUS... TED CRUZ!
Fight!”

Minigame

Basic Information

Name:

Rifle Bacon.

Objective:

Allow the rifle to shoot until the bacon is done.

Approximate Time to Play:

About 10 seconds or less.

Controls:

Hit the spacebar to stop shooting.

“Stop shooting when the bacon's like this!”

Strategy

Detailed Description:

The game will present a bacon strip of a certain doneness as the target bacon. You will then be shooting a fresh, uncooked piece of bacon with your rifle in order to cook it. Stop shooting when you are at the target doneness. You have a 0.45 second window until the next level of doneness.

Scoring:

You score 100% if the bacon you finish shooting is cooked exactly the same as the target. If you are one level away in either direction, you'll score 80%. If two away, 60%. Three away is 40%, while four away is 25%. If you're over 4, you will win only 10% of Ted Cruz's available delegates. Not shooting at all will get you this 10% score.

Optimal Tactics:

You're not given enough time to, say, screenshot the target bacon and put that in another window to compare that with the currently-being-shot bacon side-by-side. You'll just have to correctly remember the colour bacon. However, note in the Variants below that only the  middle done-levels of the bacon strips are selectable, so if you didn't pay any attention at all, the seventh strip will be the middle and you'll at least always score a 40% at worst.

Variants:

There are eleven doneness levels, and the middle seven can be targets. The bacon strip will be cooked in the following order (from top-left across, then left-most in the row below, etc.):

The first bacon stage is at the top left, and the final is at the bottom right.
The bacon strips contained within the red box are eligible to become targets.

 Each of the bacon strips in the red box above have an equal chance of becoming the target.

Other Trivia

Skill(s) Tested:

Visual recall under pressure based on colour variations.

Inspiration/Flavour:

Ted Cruz has made bacon with a machine gun, which he claims is common-place within Texas. He did this activity in front of journalists after he announced his candidacy for president, as seen in this video below. While the Rifle Bacon game doesn't do things exactly the way Ted Cruz did it (the minigame portrays you actually shooting at the bacon itself), it strikes a nice balance between the inspiration and what makes sense for gameplay (like being able to see the bacon as you're shooting, instead of wrapping it in foil).

Play The Minigame Here!

Stay tuned for future strategy guides for the other candidates! If there is any more information you'd like to know, Ludwig would be happy to share it. Be sure to play the entire game of The Wonderful 1237!


For the strategy guide after this, click here for Marco Rubio!