Eiscue, Galarian DARMANITAN, More Pokémon...More Galar Gym Leaders!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Otherwise known as “which version do you pick?” news update.

Without much fanfare outside of social media posts—as in, there's no video summarising these updates (though I suppose they're less updates and more for posterity)—The Pokémon Company International released some more information on Pokémon Sword and Pokémon Shield... last week? I think it was on Wednesday the 11th. The official Pokémon Twitter still has pinned the end-of-November information about Gigantamax Snorlax and the starter evolutions that I covered here.

To summarise the update, there's these Pokémon and gym leaders:

• Centiskorch
• Gigantamax Centiskorch
• Sandaconda
• Gigantamax Sandaconda
• Stonjourner (Sword)
• Eiscue (Shield)
• Galarian Darumaka (Sword)
• Galarian DARMANITAN (Sword)
• Galarian Corsola (Shield)
• Cursola (Shield)
• Fire Gym Leader Kabu
• Fairy Gym Leader Opal
• Rock Gym Leader Gordie (Sword)
• Ice Gym Leader Melony (Shield)
• Dark Gym Leader Piers
• Dragon Gym Leader Raihan 

That's a lot, so I'll give some quick thoughts:

Hey, Sakurai, I'm From the '80s. Bring Me Back!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Jerks. I will not be invalidated!

Starting on Friday (December 13) and extending throughout the weekend was a “Bringing Back the '80s” event on Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. Click that link for the event details, but here's the description:

“This tourney focuses purely on fighters and stages created in the '80s! Pull off some rad veteran moves to come out on top!

The further you advance, the better the spirit you'll win!” 

Well, hey! I'm a playable character in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. I made my videogame debut in the 1980s with the release of Super Mario Bros. 3!

Alright, 1988 in Japan. 1990 in North America. 1991 in Europe. I'm not really sure what the hold-up was. But I ought to be eligible for this tournament, especially since Japan is having the same event. But... I'm not in the list of eligible fighters either way.

Well, it's a stupid tournament regardless. You probably suffered with Time battle with items on some of the worst stages Super Smash Bros. Ultimate has to offer, such as 75m, Flat Zone X, and PAC-LAND. I boycotted the tournament. All of these event tournaments are not even fun to play in or write about. Why am I writing about this one?

Ring Fit Adventure Fitness Log Week 5: Three of the Four Masters

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - It's my birthday. Oops.

I am on record stating that the three worst days of the year are Daylight Saving Time, Tax Day, and my birthday. Two of those are government-created (and should be abolished), but I suppose even in an anarchy I'll still have a birthday.

Let's just treat it like normal and proceed with KoopaTV's Fitness Fridays series. We're starting fresh with World 5 on Week 5. Little did I know that it'd be the most intense week of them all so far, featuring physically demanding exercises, along with introducing a set of important-looking NPCs. You'll also read some problems I have with the game so far. Let's get to it!

I'm starting on Sunday, immediately leveling up to Level 29 and unlocking the Overhead Arm Twist (red) Fit Skill, with a fearsome power of 90! Guess I'll never try the Fan Pose...

Anyway, World 5 is called “Dragaux Vs. the Four Masters” so this seems intense. I set my difficulty to 24... but the first thing is actually the third town. All the townspeople are talking about the Four Masters, who are...

KoopaTV's Live Reactions to The Game Awards 2019

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Do I really have to entertain this idiotic event?

Have you ever glanced at any of KoopaTV's coverage of The Game Awards in any other year? Or anything involving Geoff Keighley? (I remember you, VGX. Wish I didn't.) This show is incredibly disdainful. It's packed with stuff I don't care about, and I suspect you don't care about it either.

A whole lot of people will only be watching it because they've convinced themselves a Super Smash Bros. Ultimate character will be announced. It's probably better to play the game and have fun tonight, and then watch the trailer posted on Nintendo's channel tomorrow. That is, if anything even appears. You speculators are all pretty much holding yourselves hostage to your own leaker world.

One credit to The Game Awards: They listened to my article about how the year should end before having a game of the year awards ceremony, but rather than move it to January, Geoff Keighley arbitrarily decided that the new year begins in December. (Or November?) Thus, Super Smash Bros. Ultimate is a 2019 game to him. I guess it's creative?

I couldn't command my staffers to actually attend this thing because I don't want to even be here. It's not for their own good. It's not for my own good. It's not for your own good. The Game Awards is the equivalent of the whole videogame industry coming together to the retarded kid's birthday party. No one actually likes him or is friends with him. They just all feel bad for him.

Well, I guess Hideo Kojima likes him. That relationship has certainly been a contributing factor to Kojima's own falling reputation, I'd think.

Anyway, what follows is a half-attentive reaction log. Everything before this point was written before the event started. Let's see if it turns out as bad as I'm making it!

Viewer discretion is advised.
(Don't watch it.)

More SNES Games (Kirby Super Star, Star Fox 2) and NES Games to Nintendo Switch Online

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - This $20 thing is worth it, man.

Remember when Nintendo announced that Nintendo Switch Online subscriptions would include Super Nintendo Entertainment System games, but they didn't make a big deal of the announcement because of the historical backlash they have on Nintendo Switch Online topics?

After saying they'll add new games to the NES and SNES emulator on a sporadic basis and not adding anything, they're coming with “December Game Updates” with this wonderful line-up of free (if you're already a subscriber) games:

• Star Fox 2
• Super Punch-Out!!
• Kirby Super Star
• Breath of Fire II
• Crystalis
• Journey to Silius

Check out the trailer here, and check out how the like:dislike ratio is actually very positive, as opposed to negative like almost every other video about Nintendo Switch Online:

I don't feel like going through all of these games and sharing my opinions on them. Rather, I would just like to point out some important overall things. (And this is commentary you won't find elsewhere.)

Murder by Numbers: The Nintendo Indie World Standout

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I learned a new word today! And (re-)learned about a new game!

Today Nintendo did one of their rebranded Nindies Directs, called Indie World. You can watch it for twenty minutes here or skim the press release in two minutes here.

A lot of what's in there really should make you doubt that indie developers are supposed to be a bastion of innovation, with games like Gleamlight that's very similar to Hollow Knight (brought to you by some of the same developers of Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night, which is similar to Castlevania: Symphony of the Night). 

Then there's the subject of tonight's article, Murder by Numbers. This is developed by Mediatonic, with characters designed by manga artist Hato Moa (known for the game Hatoful Boyfriend) and with music composed by Masakazu Sugimori (of the first Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney and Ghost Trick—which are KoopaTV darlings). And the trailer and official game page makes this quite known as a selling point:

Super Smash Bros. Speculation is Bad Content

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The chattering gossip class.

Over the weekend, people (and Nintendo) celebrated the one-year anniversary of the release of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. Release days are important. Anniversaries aren't. Case-in-point: The predominant discussion within the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate fanbase has continued to be speculation about the fifth and final Fighters Pass character, as opposed to a year ago when it was speculation about the second Fighters Pass character and what kind of character Joker would turn out to be. (And suddenly everyone with a Nintendo console was acting like a big Persona 5 fan?) Not much has changed!

There's four types of community-based Super Smash Bros. content, ranging from most valuable to least (negative) valuable:

1. Discussing Super Smash Bros. Ultimate in its current state—including useful things like gameplay analysis and aids to get better at the game
2. Using Super Smash Bros. Ultimate itself as an artistic platform—game-generated screenshots, videos, Spirit Battle concepts, etc.
3. Discussion about the community itself—can often result in discussions around identity politics or unsubstantiated allegations, but can also have positive outcomes like better tournament venues and prize pools
4. Speculation about future downloadable content based on theories or “leaks”

I gotta say, the Super Smash Bros. Melee community, since 2001, has always been about the present moment. They know there isn't downloadable content for a GameCube game. They're all about discussing the game.

Super Smash Bros. Ultimate doesn't share that. Much of its community is consumed with rampant and stupid speculation, idolising the absolute scum of the universe that deserve to be banished from society, the leaker class.

Ring Fit Adventure Fitness Log Week 4: Squats In Real Life

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - At least we watch Dragaux at dance.

We are at the end of week 4 of my fitness log series. That's a whole month of training! However, I didn't play Ring Fit Adventure for most of the days of this week. I have a very good explanation, though!

You see, we had Mr. Blizzard come visit us in Koopa Kingdom. Specifically, Mizzter Blizzard, who you may remember from Paper Mario: Sticker Star. I called him a loser some years ago when I advocated for sandcastles over snowmen. I think he wanted some kind of help from Lord Bowser with having a better body, but Koopa Kingdom rejected the snowman. Mizzter Blizzard reacted by covering Koopa Kingdom—and Lord Bowser's castle—in snow, which isn't great. Master Bowser blamed me for Mizzter Blizzard being upset, and ordered me to spend hours between Sunday and Tuesday clearing out all the snow, with just some shovels in claw as opposed to a mechanised solution.

It turns out that all the squats I've been doing in Ring Fit Adventure is exactly what one needs to do in order to correctly shovel snow—that is, to lift the snow with one's legs, as opposed to destroy their back. I actually came out of this in much less pain and much better shape than previous experiences with snow, and I attribute that to Ring Fit Adventure. Perhaps it also helps I had Ring Fit Adventure music in my head while shovelling.

So that's why I only played Ring Fit Adventure twice this week. Let's talk about those times:

A Mario Allegedly Conspired Against George Zimmerman

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - This is hilarious stuff.

I would like this article to serve as a contrast to yesterday's very pro-plaintiff article. I'm definitely not for every time someone sues another person for the person initiating the lawsuit. KoopaTV is filled with articles about baseless lawsuits against videogame companies for matters like getting them addicted, and how we're on the side of the company. (Most recently with some Canadian family suing about Fortnite being addictive.)

You might've heard that George Zimmerman—which KoopaTV has an embarrassing history with because mid-2014 and early 2015 had nothing better happening—is suing a lot of people for a lot of money, including the family of Trayvon Martin, who he killed in self-defence back in 2013. (And was found not guilty in his Ace Attorney-esque trial, a verdict we still support.) He's also suing the prosecutors, the state of Florida, and others.

You can read the court filing for yourself here. It features a fascinating theory from George Zimmerman, being that the prosecution from his 2013 case conspired against him and put Rachel Jeantel, described in the filing as an unemployed Florida citizen (who back in 2013, was an 18-year old ninth grader reading at a fourth grade level and was the number one tardy student in school) as “an imposter and fake witness” in place of her half-sister, Brittany Diamond Eugene, who was Trayvon Martin's true girlfriend and phone witness to his death.

The conspirators behind this swap are described as Trayvon's best friends (described as possibly dangerous and gangster-y), named Mario and Bramble.

Mario? Here? Wouldn't surprise me.

The reason the lawsuit is happening now is because the prosecutor in the 2013 case, Benjamin Crump and HarperCollins published a new book in October with the inflammatory title, Open Season: Legalized Genocide of Colored People, and it contains false information about George Zimmerman. Thus, he felt compelled to sue for defamation... for $100,000,000.00, as well as attorney's fees.

The claims in this lawsuit about the imposter witness are largely due to the new investigation done by filmmaker Joel Gilbert, whom Wikipedia notes as a right-wing conspiracy theorist. They claims are not proven (or disproven), but hey, that'll be what court is for.

Assuming this case isn't totally thrown out by the judge like the last time Zimmerman tried to sue for defamation, that time being NBC. Quite frankly, I don't inherently believe George Zimmerman's claim here. I mean, if it's true, then he should be entitled to damages. It's not like he has any other method of having a future, since the case also notes he's unemployable, under constant death threats, and can't maintain a date. (That date was also a Mario fan... he keeps coming up, doesn't he?)


If you look at KoopaTV's history of ZimmermanTV articles, you should note that this site's opinion of George Zimmerman slowly goes from “he's a hero” to “this guy is a dangerous lunatic in an endless loop of doing stupid things for attention.” This latest theory sounds like a Phoenix Wright bluff, so that might mean it's actually true! Though it's never made clear what anyone had to gain from having the half-sister be an imposter.

The Pokémon Company International's Trade Secrets vs. THE LEAKERS

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - A valiant and necessary crusade to be settled with the courts’ help. (No spoilers in this article text, by the way.)

Almost two weeks ago on November 22, 2019, The Pokémon Company International (TPCi—they're in charge of managing the Pokémon series intellectual property), through their legal representatives at Perkins Coie LLP, submitted court documentation to the United States District Court for the Western District of Washington versus John/Jane Does 1–3. (They're probably all Johns, calling it now.) Why? Because they're LEAKERS and helped sabotage the release of Pokémon Sword and Pokémon Shield by gaining access to the Pokémon Sword and Shield: The Official Galar Region Strategy Guide (to be released November 22) and dumping many pictures of it to the Internet on November 1, which bad websites took and spread in front of your face, obliterating TPCi's carefully-crafted marketing plan for the game releasing November 15. Perhaps that's why they revealed the Galarian starter evolutions weeks after the game's release.

I made it clear that I don't like reading spoilers about Pokémon Sword or Pokémon Shield in my article where I wrote about how I'm not getting the game. In their documentation, which is itself filled with spoilers in the form of almost 80 pages of screenshot exhibits at the end, TPCi made clear that they carefully timed their announcements to maximise fan excitement and anticipation over the games (as opposed to the uncareful timing back in Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon), and it's quite damaging for the leakers to break that.

More to the point, the co-defendants, for now only known as WolfenX#5356 (no longer a valid Discord name), the mysterious and unknown WolfenX#5356's source, and Uxinator#3307; knew exactly what they were doing. (There is also another guy named DimensioNz#3307, but TPCi isn't suing him...yet.) Through some combination of those people, they willfully violated non-disclosure agreements and TPCi's security mechanisms (detailed in the court documents, including background checks, tarps, key cards, passwords, and internal digital rights management. They pretty much kept the strategy guides and game files in a Team Rocket Headquarters-style puzzle contraption) to keep the game's unrevealed Pokémon and other details as a secret. Obviously, someone or some people broke civil laws along the way, and TPCi is well within their right to go after them.