For Your Information: John Delaney Isn't Actually Moderate

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Look at his voting record and positions.

I think this is the last time I'll be able to write about former Maryland Congressman and 2020 Democrat presidential candidate John Delaney. He didn't qualify for September's debate. He doesn't have a chance to qualify for October's debate. Our 2020 presidential coverage, at least for the Democrat primaries, won't really extend past the debates...

Tulsi Gabbard also didn't qualify for September's debate due to rather arbitrary (but pre-established) rules from the Democrat National Committee. Disgusting Kamala Harris supporters made a #TulsiDidntQualifyParty hashtag, still having a grudge from when Tulsi Gabbard torched Kamala Harris in the second debate. They were posting happy black women .gifs or something. They might still be doing that. They're a bunch of vindictive people. Note that they know that what Tulsi said about Kamala is right, but they're so caught up in their identity politics that it doesn't matter.

But what about John Delaney? He opened up his second debate performance attacking popular-with-small-donor socialists Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren. That got him a lot of ire from progressives on Twitter during the debate, but there's literally no #DelaneyDidntQualifyParty hashtag. He just has a joke #Delaneymentum hashtag used by someone promoting a John Delaney drop out petition with thousands of signatures and has become the Democrat 2020 version of Jim Gilmore back in 2015–2016 with Gilmentum.

The John Delaney campaign has made an announcement stating it won't drop out because it wishes to tell the truth. We're all about the truth on KoopaTV. Levity, too.

Here's the truth.

John Delaney isn't a Republican in disguise. He's not even a moderate. He's an extreme, anti-Trump, big government left-winger just like the rest of them. 

Class President Bowser Versus Recess

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Why Lord Bowser is noble for wishing to cancel recess.

For those who go to school, you're either already back in school, or you will be early next week. If KoopaTV's political banter scares you away (having a tab called “2020 Presidential Debate Index” may intimidate politically disinclined children... and adults, for that matter), I wonder what you think of student governance. After all, your fellow students may run for class president.

If you're cynical, you probably think of those class-presidential aspirations as nothing more than a joke. Well, that's... roughly how we treat the presidential aspirations of the whole United States of America.

There is, however, one candidate for class president that is not doing it for the jokes. In fact, he's very serious, and very capable, and has a plan that benefits... himself, at least.

I'm talking about King Bowser Koopa for class president. If you click that link, you're forced to engage in a riddle just to be aware of his platform. Clearly, Lord Bowser's candidacy is for the more intellectual of the students.

For the purposes of proceeding with this article, the secret message reads, “So he can cancel recess!”

Among other obvious questions, my number one question is why does the top of the page state “Bowser’s running for class president, but it’s not because he wants to help anyone…except for himself!”? Assuming that statement is true, how would cancelling recess help Lord Bowser?

I asked the producer of the Play Nintendo site, and she responded with...

The Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Characters Used The MOST and the LEAST In August 2019!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - You can bet it'll be this way until Banjo comes out.

The fact is that I didn't do as well as I thought I'd do in the Nintendo-sponsored, Battlefy-hosted Super Smash Bros. Ultimate North American Online Open August 2019. Sure, I barely got into the top 10% of people who actually played in my region (see the comments section of that article for my journey), but that's still far from the Top 32 required to get into the Bracket Round. My bracket picture in that article was thus considered FAKE NEWS because it included a picture of Ludwig in the Bracket Round, but I wasn't in it and neither was any other Ludwig player.

It was an intense experience all around, and playing Super Smash Bros. Ultimate with tournament-stakes for four hours straight (controversially extended to five at the end of the fourth hour) is far more grueling than playing Splatoon 2 Splatfest Turf Wars for the same amount of time. 

In the end, the four North American players that will be flown to Japan for the Nintendo Live tournament are Epic Gabriel (Region 6, Florida, R.O.B.), Wrath (Region 6, Georgia, Sonic), YoseFu (Region 5, ??? somewhere near Mississippi, Simon Belmont), and Heeew (Region 3, ??? somewhere near Texas, Richter Belmont).

To make this article more interesting for you, the reader, I've went to the stats sections for all of the eight regions, aggregated all of the data, and determined who the most-used characters are. This is based on 6,743 North American players who played at least one match (out of 12,322 who registered), and a total of 89,136 games played (multiply that by 2 to know the total number of characters used) in the Ladder Round. Here are the results, which you can use for yourself to prioritise which match-ups you should learn:

Mega Man Zero/ZX Legacy Collection and the Reploid Remixes

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Again with the Mega Man soundtrack pre-order bonus?

Pretty big news drop today. CAPCOM announced Mega Man Zero/ZX Legacy Collection to release January 21, 2020. It's a six-pack of the four Mega Man Zero games and the two Mega Man ZX games, and it'll be out on ALL major platforms and PC. Good stuff. Here's the announcement trailer:

I've already made my thoughts on the first Mega Man Zero Collection (containing only the four Mega Man Zero games, back on the DS) pretty clear in this article. Basically, that had an Easy Scenario in it that made the game not only really easy, but the gameplay was kind of unsatisfying since there was nothing to unlock because you had everything. But without that scenario, the games are prohibitively difficult to complete and unreasonably and permanently punish your mistakes.

Is “Casual Scenario Mode” the same thing with a different name? We'll find out later. At least it's clear that “Save-Assist” is putting a much-needed save point in the middle of the stage. Nothing wrong with that. Mega Man Zero is already brutally difficult based on the level design. There's also some kind of time attack mode called Z Chaser that they want to keep the details of a secret.

I want to draw attention to what they're calling the ten Reploid Remixes, which get their own trailer that is meant to be listened to:

The Best and Worst Nintendo Switch Online Discounts in the World!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The worst discount is more interesting to me, because that's the kind of person I am.

Hey, want to save money? Sure you do.

Normally $35 through the Nintendo eShop, the Nintendo Switch Online Family Membership is on sale at $28 instead of $35 at Target right now. Family Groups are how KoopaTV's members are all on the same plan—it's a quirk for being employed at KoopaTV. You can purchase this to stack with an existing family plan. If you want to be in the KoopaTV Nintendo Switch Online Family Group without being in KoopaTV's staff, the spot currently held by the winner of KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program Round 22 will be up for grabs as the prize for Round 28 (September 1 to October 31...that's starting super soon).

If you're like me and haven't yet purchased the Fighter Pass for Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, then you're in luck. It's 20% off on Amazon at the moment. That means it's $20 instead of $25. ...Quite frankly, I still have a philosophical OBJECTION! to buying season passes without knowing exactly what's in them ahead of time. “You know what's in it! A fighter, their stage, and music!” No, I want to know what SPECIFICALLY is in it. If it's a Creeper from Minecraft with a mine stage with “Revenge” as the music, I'd rather buy all the other fighters individually than have that thing on my stage selection/character selection screens. Not all characters and franchises are created equally.

Hey, want to waste money? Sure you do.

Normally $20 through the Nintendo eShop, the Nintendo Switch Online 12-month membership is on sale at $25.18 instead of $32.27 at shop.com right now. ...I recommend you read that sentence again.

What the...? But yet... this is truly what shop.com is offering. I know, it sounds too bad to be true.
$32.27? No, you save $7.09 for $25.18! ...For a membership card that says $19.99 right on it.

That sort of thing is probably why, despite the excellent and premium domain name, shop.com is not among the eCommerce giants that make up the Internet today. Even the likes of KoopaTV can run a more competent eCommerce site than that.


Which of the three discounts written about in this article is your favourite? The 20% off the Nintendo Switch Online Family Membership, the 20% off the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Fighter Pass, or the 26% on the Nintendo Switch Online 12-month membership? (Ludwig decided that if a discount is “off” the price, a reverse discount is “on” the price.) Remember that if you're actively around and participating with KoopaTV for the next two months, you can get a 100% discount on a one-year Nintendo Switch Online membership!

Minecraft's Popularity and Staying Power

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - To the point where there's a whole generation of early Minecraft players that have nostalgia.

Once upon a time, it was January 2016, and I wrote this in an article about Minecraft: Education Edition:

“With any luck, children will associate Minecraft with school and stop playing it at home because it's not cool to do school stuff in your free personal time. Could we finally see the tight grip that Minecraft has on our nation's impressionable youth loosen up? Kids can stop being really annoying Minecraft fans (and will probably obsess over something else that hopefully isn't ugly to view in a social media feed), and videogames get the esteem of being versatile educational tools.

Seems like a win-win to me.”

Put that on the mental list of things I've written that haven't aged well, though arguably I predicted the Fortnite obsession. (Unfortunately, Fortnite is also ugly to view.) According to the kids these days, Minecraft is more popular than ever in a great resurgence, with a whole dedicated retail shelf in game stores. I don't really know when it ever dropped in popularity. It was popular enough in 2018 to shut down several school systems. It was popular enough in 2015 to be used as a Japanese meme against ISIS. Since its 2011 release, it's been ported everywhere and has only been accumulating more and more fans. Minecraft is even either the most-sold game of all time or the second-most.

It bothers me. Especially when the fans go and have multiple generations of people. That's a testament to its longevity and non-stop existence.

There is this extremely irritating Minecraft meme going around that's located where kids hang out, including Discord and other chatrooms, where they try to spam the chat with the correct lyrics to this 2011 Minecraft parody song “Revenge” that I've never heard before; made by this Minecraft YouTuber named CaptainSparklez that I've never heard of. The song has almost 200 million views on YouTube and the guy has almost 10.5 million subscribers, but whatever, that's just a symbol of how many braindead Minecraft fans there are. Apparently the song was popular back then and now a bunch of people got nostalgic for it. Who knows.

I hyperlinked to the song but didn't embed it, since it's rather terrible and not worth listening to or reading the lyrics of. (Whether in complete form or dumb kids with attention deficit disorder badly attempting to complete the whole thing in pieces.) I listened to it solely as research for this article, and I regretted it immediately. But since I subjected myself to that aural poison, there's no way I'm not gonna try and do something productive with that experience (write an article).  Here it is. You got me to write an article about your meme even though this site supposedly has a policy against that.

Please stop it. You can even keep playing Minecraft. Just stop the damn “Creeper aw man” crap.

Unfortunately for you, while I didn't embed the song, I do need a picture in this article for it to be popular.
...And according to the kids, anything and everything with Minecraft becomes popular. So here we go!

This article exists because Ludwig remembered he wrote that paragraph about Minecraft: Education Edition while he was reading Microsoft's letter to the Office of the United States Trade Representative which mentioned it as an example of how games are good for America. And he is really annoyed by that forced meme. He's almost 100% sure that this article will backfire and make kids continue it instead of stop it, which he will view as a commentary on how easily reverse-psychologically manipulable children can be.

Benjamin Hunter Returns In Ace Attorney Trilogy Languages Patch; CAPCOM Publisher Sale 2019

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Oui oui.

Back in May 2018, KoopaTV first reported on the unfortunate mental health issues of Los Angeles prosecutor Miles Edgeworth. The prosecutor fled to France to die and took on the name BENJAMIN HUNTER.

A month later, we gave an update on Miles Edgeworth/Benjamin Hunter. He was still alive, though curiously was training an ape. 

After that, we haven't heard from Mr. Hunter. Many assumed he's dead, since that was his intention.

Well, thanks to the new language patch in Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy (available today on Steam, PlayStation 4, Xbox One, and Switch for French, German, Korean, Simplified Chinese, and Traditional Chinese), we've discovered that Benjamin Hunter is, in fact, alive. We found this out from a French (?) detective, Dick Tektiv. 

“Exact, my guy... M. Benjamin Hunter en personne !”
Approximately means, “Exactly, my guy. Mr. Benjamin Hunter in person!”

 
Mr. Benjamin Hunter, in fact, still appears in the French courts. We're glad he's still alive. However, it doesn't seem like we were supposed to be aware of that information, and Dick Tektiv gave it to us inappropriately:

Classic 2D Events at the Olympics Are Of No Interest

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Super Mario Bros. 8-Bit Sprites are ugly.

A month ago, I dedicated an article showing the latest footage of Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games Tokyo 2020, which showcased Lord Bowser trouncing Mario at a variety of sports. In that article, I wrote,

“As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing inspiring about the sporting events’ gameplay, sound design (or music), and especially not the graphics.”

Nintendo wanted to contradict my last statement about graphics, so they released this trailer that reveals “Classic 2D Events”, claiming to “take the series to a new dimension with 10 classic 2D events starring your favorite characters[.]”

I object to this characterisation.

The KoopaTV Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) Report

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Will be updated all the time. Not just once a year!

Dear readers, players, fans, trolls: Welcome to KoopaTV's Corporate Social Responsibility and Sustainability Report. We at KoopaTV's staff are strongly supportive of doing good in our world and yours.

We've also been reading what the consultants are saying. People, especially younger people (Millennials) in our target demographic, want to be part of something greater than themselves. A community. That goes for both customer and potential future staffers. To that end, and without sacrificing or selling out our principles in any way, we're publishing this always-active Corporate Social Responsibility report. This will look at our activities from a variety of perspectives, demonstrated by the headings.

In fact, we'll have a table of contents:

KoopaTV's Social and Societal Contributions

Disaster Relief in Sierra Leone

Accessibility Activism

Pokémon Mystery Dungeon Free Rescues

KoopaTV Promotes Literacy and Self-Worth Across Koopa Kingdom

KoopaTV's Environmental and Sustainability Contributions

Ludwig Ventures to Best Buy... Does He Get Fire Emblem: Three Houses?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Did I buy the game? ...And what else did I see there?

I needed to refill my stash of Nintendo eShop gift cards. If I don't have a supply of those at my desk, you all won't be happy, since I'm supposed to give those codes away in the KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program.

So I went to Best Buy to buy some more.

And I saw many, many troubling things in the world of retail.

For one, Nintendo apparently replaced Lord Bowser as the face of the $50 Nintendo eShop gift card with... LINK. Is this how Andrew Jackson is going to feel? What was wrong with Bowser?

But there's a lot more insights. For example, take a look at what's left of the amiibo section. This used to be a big shelf: