“Conservative Journalists” are an Oxymoron

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - If you're a journalist, and I know your political leanings, you're doing something wrong.

I have to speak out about this, again. Proper journalism is critical to KoopaTV. I've long been at the point where if I suspect a story to be FAKE NEWS, I won't commentate on it. I won't betray the trust that you have in KoopaTV by using untrustworthy, bad sources. That list is a lot longer than the good sources list. This makes it increasingly harder to do my job as an editorialist. I don't even believe most of what I read. I'm very skeptical.

Anyway, here is what is a non-starter for me: Biased, ideological people claiming to be journalists. Since the mainstream media is clearly unreliable and primarily made up of FAKE NEWS left-wingers, a whole new crop of new media figures claiming to be journalists have popped out of the Internet, trying to add balance by... being just as biased and ideological, just in the right-wing direction.

No. That's not how it's supposed to work. Journalists are supposed to give objective facts in their reporting, and leave the spin to folks like me. Journalists aren't supposed to care about the outcome of elections, or be rooting for anyone. If that seeps into your reporting, it's tainted, and as a consumer, I need to work all that much harder to try to filter what the actual truth is. (That makes you an enemy of the people, by the way.) If you're reporting with an agenda, then you're not a journalist. You're an activist. Journalism might be boring and no-thrills sometimes, but wanting to have fun doesn't give you an excuse to change what journalism means.

I can't stand Fortnite

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - We need to get rid of this game.

When Fortnite was announced at Nintendo's E3 2018, and then shown off on Nintendo Treehouse Live, I was upset and bored by it. However, I thought that Nintendo wouldn't talk about Fortnite after E3. Yeah, I was wrong about that. Nintendo is treating Fortnite on the Nintendo Switch as a big deal, so I figured, well, it's free to play, I might as well try it.

Let's back up a bit. Fortnite is currently the most popular game in the world. It involves two parts: A co-op zombie-survival mode (“Save the World”) that was the original game of Fortnite, and a be-the-last-human-standing mode (“Battle Royale”) that outgrew the popularity of the first mode. Only Battle Royale is available on the Nintendo Switch — publisher Epic Games has no plans for the Save the World mode to come to Switch.

Battle Royale mode has you jump out of a flying bus to somewhere on a large map. You need to run around collecting loot (building materials, weapons, ammunition) and survive encounters with other players, preferably hiding in forts that you've built. The large map quickly shrinks as time passes due to “The Storm”, which serves as a death-bringing counter-measure to camping in the corner of the map where no one is, as well as eventually forcing an end to the game session. Conceptually, the game design mostly makes sense (I'm not sure why the map is so big to begin with if going to its corners will ensure your demise due to The Storm), but in practice, Fortnite reeks of sloppiness and a total lack of sublimity.

Get Rescued in the Pokémon Mystery Dungeon Series Here — 2023 and On!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I'll rescue you through passwords or QR codes, for any applicable game.

It might be challenging to find support for games in the Pokémon Mystery Dungeon series, especially older ones. They aren't “mainstream” but can be difficult to beat. Developer Chunsoft, for most games in the series, wanted to encourage community among players by allowing a player to rescue another if they get a game over. But since the franchise is not in the public eye, where do you find quick and active rescuers?

Look no more, since we at KoopaTV are big fans of the Pokémon Mystery Dungeon series, spanning from Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Red Rescue Team to the more-recent Pokémon Super Mystery Dungeon on the 3DS. We'll even be nice people and rescue you, just for the sake of being nice. (And encourage others to buy the games along the way.) So, I have set up this page as your resource to get help that you can trust.

How to be Rescued

1. When you faint in the game, select the prompt saying you'd like to be rescued. The process is a little different for each game, but in general, there are options to Send SOS Mail out. You want the passcode from this
2. Leave a comment in this article (or via e-mail to Ludwig's e-mail address provided on KoopaTV's contact page) with your rescue request, including...
1. Dungeon you fainted in
2. The floor you fainted in
3. The game you're playing
4. An image or transcription of the QR code (Pokémon Super Mystery Dungeon) or passcode (every game)
5. If playing Pokémon Super Mystery Dungeon, what format you want your code in (QR code or passcode)
6. A request for what item I should attach to the Thank-You Mail. If you don't say anything, it'll be up to my discretion
3. When commenting, you should check the Notify Me button so you can get a notification of my response
4. I'll respond to you, and hopefully soon after (or in that very same response, if it's a short rescue) I'll give you the Rescue Mail so you can save yourself
5. Use the Rescue Mail and be saved! I'd appreciate it if you then replied with a Thank-You Mail so KoopaTV knows you're safe

Below are the games in the franchise that I own and some commentary on my extensive capabilities in each. Note: I've read that rescue requests are region-locked, so I can only support those in the Americas. Additionally, it does not matter if you are playing the older games via DS cartridge or Wii U Virtual Console. Same rescue system.

Ashley has granted kids to Hell... What about Sakurai?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Ashley may still be playable... via threat.

A year ago, I wrote about the positive experience of Trans-Ashley, a male-to-female transgender who is finding great success in her life, including a singing career. (Which we showcased in that article. I like her singing.) This contrasts greatly with the experience with the original witch, Ashley. You see, she doesn't want to just be an Assist Trophy. She wants to be the Wario franchise's second playable character.

Unfortunately for Ashley, Super Smash Bros. director Masahiro Sakurai doesn't want Ashley to be a playable character. As revealed in last week's Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Direct, Ashley was once again relegated to be an Assist Trophy. She had the “red eyes” that Masahiro Sakurai was claiming he would have.

...Or so, that's what it looks at first glance. And I admit, that's what I initially thought as well. But clear your mind of any preconceived notions of Ashley being an Assist Trophy in Super Smash Bros. 4 and look what was actually confirmed in the Direct. And, more importantly, what was not confirmed.

Microsoft Flight Simulator to Plane Stealing?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The simulator is blameless.

You may have heard that over the weekend, a Horizon Air ground-crew member, Richard Russell (29 years young) of Seattle stole a Bombardier Dash 8 Q400 airliner for a suicidal joy-ride — after doing some tricks (including a barrel roll, which he always wanted to do), he crashed into a small island and died. He was the only person in the plane. Since that airliner does not operate via keys — one has to go through many intricate actions to get it flying via the control panel — the Labo's Vehicle Kit master key was not found responsible.

Now here's the interesting part — Russell wasn't a pilot. He never flew a real plane before. He just worked at the airport. While he was flying around doing tricks, an air traffic controller tried to help him fly the thing, but Russell claimed that he didn't need help, because he had “played some video games before. ... I know what I'm doing, a little bit!” While it appears that instantaneous mastery of a vehicle is one of the traits that the Labo key grants, since there wasn't a key slot in the plane, Russell must have gotten his flying skills the old-fashioned way:

Dragon Ball FighterZ Open Beta on Nintendo Switch... could use some work.

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - ...It's a beta, not a demo. If you consider it a demo, it's terrible.

We have been lobbying Bandai Namco for Dragon Ball FighterZ to come to the Nintendo Switch ever since it was announced, and continued to lobby for it after it was released on other platforms. Then it was announced at Nintendo's E3 2018, amidst a flurry of many other things. We haven't said anything since, but now is a good time to — between Friday morning and the end of Saturday, Dragon Ball FighterZ has an Open Beta that you can download and experience from the Nintendo eShop!

If you don't know how to play the game already, then you're going to struggle with it since the game doesn't make an effort to teach you how. They don't display the controls in a prominent place before the game starts, like Pokkén Tournament DX. However, there are Battle Tutorials in the game. I recommend you play through all of them before playing other people. They are... really hidden away, but here's a video teaching you how to access them:

Super Smash Bros. Ultimate is Full of Content... is it the WRONG Content?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - ...Chromtent.

Did you watch the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Direct featuring Masahiro Sakurai yesterday? You can watch it and read my reactions here. You can also read Nintendo's very detailed press release about it here. Please familiarise yourself with the material, since this article will go in-depth about it and it's best we all have the same baseline. I'm not going to summarise it in this article, since you now already (know) everything you need to know.

Oh, one more thing: On Tuesday, I wrote an article defending Masahiro Sakurai as an exhausted, overworked person who people should stop thinking is trying to put hidden messages in his statements. People who saw Sakurai's statement about tired, red eyes as a hint for King K. Rool or something related to vampires had no humanity.

Well, it turns out that I'm wrong. King K. Rool is now playable. Simon Belmont is now playable. Richter Belmont is now playable. Alucard is an Assist Trophy. Dracula is a stage boss. Given how wrong I was to view Sakurai as a human being and not a troll, the contingency for me being wrong in that article was,

“In that case, Ludwig will never feel sympathy for Sakurai ever again,”

So I'm going to be very harsh in my assessment of the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Direct. Masahiro Sakurai has a personal grudge against me spanning years, and it's about time I have a grudge against him and stick to it.

Ludwig's Non-Live Reaction to the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Direct (8/8/18)!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - ...Well then. That's a lot of content.

Today is the day. Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Direct. I'm reacting to it by myself because everyone on the staff has different enough schedules that no one could commit to watching it at the same time. For example, Rawk watched it live. Kamek still hasn't watched it because he works weird hours, so we're actually avoiding discussing any spoilers in our Discord server out of consideration for him.

I also don't want to spoil this above the page break, so here are just my reactions. I avoided the whole Internet ever since last night, so I could come into this Direct completely fresh and unspoiled. Tomorrow I'll write an actual article about my thoughts:

Masahiro Sakurai Says What He Means

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - He's not trying to obfuscate.

When Masahiro Sakurai writes a tweet that he'll be presenting for tomorrow's Nintendo Direct dedicated to Super Smash Bros. Ultimate and that he'll be tired (from all of the work he's doing working on the game), the normal response is to feel compassion for the Super Smash Bros. franchise director.

また何らかのプレゼンをがんばります。日本では比較的観やすい時間だと思いますので、観てやってください！
目が少し赤いかもしれませんが、これは疲れ目です… https://t.co/RBbqTuYRBg

— 桜井 政博 (@Sora_Sakurai) August 6, 2018

Embedded Bing translate says:

“I will also do some kind of presentation. Because I think that it is comparatively easy to see in the Japan, please watch it! The eyes may be a little red, but this is tired eyes...”

The abnormal response, which a lot of people are doing in that tweet's replies and elsewhere, is to think that Masahiro Sakurai is trying to hint at a character reveal. You know, for a character that has tired, red eyes. Like King K. Rool. Have some humanity. You don't deserve a character reveal.

Here's a guy apologising in advance for a possibly non-photogenic appearance due to stress and long hours. He's worked himself nearly to death in the past, sustaining injuries. He doesn't even get a day off. He gets death threats from rabid Waluigi fans and who knows what else. He doesn't even stick around for E3 but goes to fly a midnight flight to Japan to nerf Bayonetta.

And you thank him by applying bizarre scrutiny to any statement he'll make, construing it for your own agenda? Please, Sakurai doesn't have any reason to leak his own creations ahead of schedule (or even after the fact). He's super-concerned about that sort of thing, and that's why there's no story mode in Super Smash Bros. For Wii U.

If you want to apply deep analysis and parsing of language to something, do it to KoopaTV. We're actually designed for that kind of depth. The more time and effort you put into KoopaTV, the significantly more you'll get out of KoopaTV. There's a net gain for you. If you do that with Masahiro Sakurai, the world will have a net loss.

Do the math.

(There is a small possibility that this entire article is wrong and Sakurai actually is hinting that he's going to cosplay as a vampire in the Direct with fake bloodshot contact lenses to demonstrate new Mii Fighter functionality or something. In that case, Ludwig will never feel sympathy for Sakurai ever again, and he'll stop forgetting that he put Sakurai on the list of news sources to stay away from.)


Ludwig wanted to title this article, “Masahiro Sakurai is not Alan Greenspan” to reference “fedspeak”, but he did a poll and it turns out that the vast majority of people don't know who Alan Greenspan is, or any other Federal Reserve chairman. He considers this proof that public education is a disaster. By the way, don't expect a log published on KoopaTV immediately following the Direct, since Ludwig and most of the staff won't be able to watch the Direct live. It's called a day job. 11 PM for Japan means 10 AM for Eastern time.


The announcement that this Direct is happening was made during EVO 2018, and if Sakurai was watching that, then EVO 2018's events were certainly tired-eye-worthy.
It's pretty obvious from watching the Direct itself that there is a major flaw in this article.
Masahiro Sakurai deserves no sympathy.

Super Smash Bros. at EVO 2018: A Mysterious Destiny

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Won’t let go of the fight ‘til tomorrow is Bayonetta's. (...Then it's okay.)

The biggest fighting game tournament of the year, EVO 2018, was last weekend! And for Super Smash Bros. For Wii U, it was really controversial. Here at KoopaTV, we revel in that controversy. And as someone who follows the competitive scenes for both Super Smash Bros. Melee and Super Smash Bros. For Wii U (and watched both of their EVO brackets), I can give you informed statements. I'll tell you what happened, what the reactions were, and then my thoughts on those reactions, and the future of the franchise's competitive activity.

What happened at EVO 2018 for Super Smash Bros.

Both Super Smash Bros. For Wii U and Super Smash Bros. Melee got around 1350 entrants, so these are absolutely massive tournaments. The top 8 for the former was Saturday night, and the top 8 for the latter was Sunday morning/noon. (Sunday for EVO is considered much more desirable.)

There were a lot of upsets for Super Smash Bros. For Wii U getting to the top 8, and many prominent players were eliminated earlier than expected. That's sort of true for Super Smash Bros. Melee but the top 8 for that was nearly what you'd expect. (Bummer for Mew2King.)

For Super Smash Bros. For Wii U, that meant all of the EVO 2018 top 8 members were not in the top 8 for EVO 2017, including EVO 2017 champion and Bayonetta professional, Salem. This time, there were three Bayonetta players, two Diddy Kong players, a Zero Suit Samus, a Duck Hunt, and a Lucina. After the amazing match between MVD vs. Raito to determine 7th place (Diddy vs. Duck Hunt), I went to sleep. It was simply very late at night, and I didn't have the energy for watching a bunch of boring Bayonetta-involved matches.