The ClinCon Experience

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Four nights of the Democratic National Convention, 2016!

Ah, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. You know, back in the day I used to spell it “Pencilvania” and I still don't see anything wrong with that. 

Philadelphia, or “Philly”, is the place where the best frozen goods brand, PhillySwirl, had their start. The United States of America's Declaration of Independence was drafted there. And, from July 25–July 28, the Democratic National Convention took place there to nominate Hillary Rodham Clinton as the Democratic Party's nominee for president of the United States!

(...So, let's all agree that PhillySwirl is the best thing of those.) 

I don't know if the different nights were supposed to have themes, since they kinda just had the same thing every night. They even had repeat speakers. But, the highlights were something like this:

The Wii U's Winding Days

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The Wii U has turned barren and infertile, but...

The First Quarter for Nintendo's 2016 (their years begin in March, not January) has just ended. So... now we have a little bit more information, updated from the annual report/fourth quarter ending report from three months ago.

What's new? Nothing much, actually. It's just things look more dismal:

Paper Mario: Color Splash and The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. (Source.)

The Wii U side is really small. At the very least, the next page has third parties, and Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney — Spirit of Justice is on the 3DS side! (...Sorry Wii U.) That game is selling “largely as planned” in Japan, according to CAPCOM. When it comes out in America this September, let's make it sell YUUUUGER than planned!

Speaking of sales, this is interesting:

Why Koops Is a Loser

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - One of the worst Koopas to have ever lived.

I generated a bit of controversy when I mentioned Koops, the Koopa partner from Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door, is someone I don't like in my defence of Paper Mario: Color Splash article:

“Anyway, there will be multiple kinds of enemy battle cards, not just weak and worthless Shy Guys. Koopa Troopas and Buzzy Beetles are also confirmed, and having a generic Koopa Troopa is already better than having Koops.”

That created a huge problem for a lot of anti-Color Splash people on the hateful, resent-filled Paper Mario sub-reddit, with comments such as:

“that's clearly an opinion, and quite a few people do like Koops”

“...subjective comments like this really don't have a place in what should be a relatively objective defense article”

and

“You shut your stupid face. Breakdancing Koopa bro was best partner after Yoshi Kid.”

It's pretty rare (and it shouldn't be since we indirectly incentivise it) that KoopaTV articles get shared by non-staffers to the outside world who have no idea what kind of website this is. But, yeah, Koops has fans. Yet, for whatever reason, I have been disrespecting Koops for over a decade.

First, I'll explain his background. And then...why I dislike him. Lastly, who I like instead.

These Pokémon GO Players Would Be Victims — If Not For Concealed Carry!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The right to self-defence must not be infringed.

I still want to avoid devolving this website into commentating on Pokémon GO every day. There are dozens of stories about this game every day. Many are actually pretty funny, but this is KoopaTV and we don't want to be like some other sites that are just talking about Pokémon GO to get hits.

HERE is a Pokémon GO story I can get behind, though. This group of Pokémon GO players, around six people, were at Las Vegas's Freedom Park a bit after 4 AM. This jerk, Elvis Campos, tried to rob the players. They just wanted to capture Magikarp en-masse because of the ridiculous requirements to obtain a Gyarados, but this Elvis man (wouldn't surprise me if he's an illegal immigrant) wanted to capture all of the electronics these players would be carrying.

This is Freedom Park. It's a desert, really. Where would you find Magikarp?
(Image from Google Maps/Earth.)

However, one of those players was carrying something else. One of those Pokémon GO players had a concealed carry permit. And he didn't just have the permit — he also had a gun. And fought back. One of the members of the group was shot in the stomach (a non-life-threatening injury), while the robber got shot in the back (your imagination as to how — also non-life-threatening).

So... what to make of this?

Less Than A Week To Survive Forced Windows 10 Upgrade!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I don't WANT your free upgrade! Make me pay for it!

A while ago, in the summer of 2015, Microsoft rolled out their free upgrade offer to every Windows 7 and 8 user they knew, and probably other people too. I resisted it back then, and vowed that I would not accept the offer due to things such as the operating system being spyware.

It has almost been a full year since July 29, 2015, when Microsoft's offer began. And, this July 29, 2016, the offer will end.

Microsoft's site even has a countdown. (It's been counted down by a few hours as of publishing.)

 
Finally. I'll be able to turn Windows Update back on so my computer isn't incredibly vulnerable to the dangers of cyber attacks and hackers. I mean... this looks alarming, doesn't it?

The DonCon Experience

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Four nights of the Republican National Convention, 2016!

We heard from Herman Cain yesterday that you could find wild (augmented reality) Pikachu at the Republican National Convention wearing a MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN hat. But you don't just go to that to catch Pokémon. If you went to Cleveland, Ohio from July 18 to July 21, you were going to participate at the convention by connecting with folks, voting for Donald Trump to make him the official Republican nominee, and listening to hours upon hours of speeches. You also got to participate in chants, such as “LOCK HER UP!” Audience participation!

So, what were the best moments? And will there be a videogame-related component in this article? (Yes. Multiple.)

Herman Cain With a Pokémon STOP!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Be careful out there.

After two years of silence on Pokémon-related matters, Herman Cain is back with a message on Pokémon GO. Here is what the former Republican presidential candidate, radio talk show host, and businessman has to say:

Here is Herman Cain's warning to Pokemon players. pic.twitter.com/5mh3CC6K8v

— Daniel Dale (@ddale8) July 19, 2016

Follow that advice folks. I don't really want to talk about Pokémon GO and I think it's received an utterly absurd and undue amount of media coverage and cultural resonance. 

But if Herman Cain's gonna mention it (and other sites are going to report on our coverage of him), then I guess I gotta report on it. He's a bit late, though. Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh, among other conservative talk radio hosts, were on the Pokémon GO train already.

Herman Cain is the only one who has had previous experience with the series, however. And he really can't stay silent, with his own native Georgia's cemeteries being overran with disrespectful Pokémon GO players invading 'em.

You can read the full story in the Newnan Times-Herald here.
Serious props to them for including the accent in Pokémon.

People playing Pokémon GO are literally finding dead bodies (outside of cemeteries) and falling off of cliffs (to possibly add to the dead body count), along with being robbed and lured by unsavoury dudes with this app. Be careful. Even with it being an “excellent, brilliant concept.”

YOU might turn into the next PokéStop.

Herman Cain is at the Republican National Convention right now and has been all week, and he's been walking everywhere. He claims to be too busy to search for Pokémon, but that doesn't stop there being Pokémon present in Cleveland whether he knows it or not.

It's Herman Cain's favourite Pokémon, Pikachu, found at the Republican National Convention!

Update 7/22/2016:

Herman Cain talking about this on his Radio Show on July 22. Features Ted Cruz being lured on stage.

While Ludwig is writing filler due to DonCon taking up time in the day, the KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program's current prize is a $10 eShop card. Just putting that out there. The interview featuring Herman Cain saying his favourite Pokémon is Pikachu has also been re-published to KoopaTV. It's the first thing linked-to in this article.


KoopaTV republished tips on how to stay safe while playing Pokémon GO. Take a look.
After this, KoopaTV reviews how the RNC went overall. Features another plushie in the MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN hat.
One player took Herman Cain's advice and brought his gun.
We presume that you don't need the government forcing you to be safe by banning Pokémon GO altogether.

Charssie finally got a guest article

By CHARSSIE GOD - I'm running the show now.

KoopaTV is so bad. Oh, you've never heard of them? That's to be expected. They're this group of people that try to do what other successful blogs do. They do have a nice team though. They have a racist, and a sexist one too!

I never really understood KoopaTV. They try and try and try, but in the end it doesn't even matter. They get more hate in one day than the whole black community has since the beginning of time. That's right, they're that bad.

KoopaTV had this artist or something named Wendy, but everyone knows it was just the mastermind behind KoopaTV, Ludwig Von Koopa. He knew his staff was small so he took on a new persona. Imagine that! But in end, it didn't even matter, because guess what? She left too!

That's all for now! I hope KoopaTV enjoys!

 

Charssie does not condone slavery in any way. Charssie is not racist, like the owner of this website. Charssie hopes you enjoyed his article. This will probably be the most popular article on this blog. If you have any questions, please comment below. Peace out homies.


This isn't the first time KoopaTV has published an antagonistic guest post from a notorious shit-poster.
KoopaTV tried to have outreach with the black community with KoopaTV BLK™, but that never went anywhere.
Ludwig denies that he or any of his staff are racists here.
If you want to understand KoopaTV, try reading the About page.
KoopaTV has been trying for over three years now.
For more on Ludwig's relationship with cows, click here.
For more about Wendy O. Koopa being hired, click here. 
KoopaTV gets a lot of hate from other communities with the justification that KoopaTV is supposedly a hate site.
Along with commenting below, you're free to let KoopaTV's staff know what you enjoy by filling out the non-published-to-the-public KoopaTV Feedback Forms!
It's true, however, that KoopaTV's staff is small. You (excluding Charssie) are welcome to join KoopaTV's staff. Learn how to here.
Charssie had trouble following KoopaTV's guest posting standards, but he finally managed. Check out how easy they are here, and perhaps submit a guest post of your own. KoopaTV will APPARENTLY take anything!
This is not the only guest article that had bad things to say about KoopaTV. This one advocates a boycott!

More Newly Discovered Alola Pokémon! Featuring Mudsdale & Mimikyu!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - At last, another horse to name your Pocket Card Jockey cast after.

I'm consciously avoiding that big, cultural Pokémon-related phenomenon going on in the world right now. I'm more-than-willing to talk about ACTUAL, LEGITIMATE Pokémon news on a Nintendo system. That's right, it's time for yet another Pokémon Sun Version and Pokémon Moon Version news dump! Take it away, The Pokémon Company International:

Great stuff, right? My favourites are in this article's title: Mudsdale and Mimikyu, though I also really like Bounsweet.

There's one guy I really dislike, though.

The Final Splatfest: Callie vs. Marie

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - My ultimate choice is CALLIE.

KoopaTV's best article series of 2015, Continuing Splatfest Coverage, continued into 2016. But now? It'll be ending. Because Splatfest is ending. Callie and Marie said so.

And, unlike how I feel about the mainstream media, I trust Splatfest News as a source.

Nintendo's reason to keep playing Splatoon every so often will be ending with the final Splatfest: Team Callie vs. Team Marie.

...Yes, the final Splatfest is Callie vs. Marie, the Squid Sisters. And, if I may complain: The Splatfest themes are supposed to come from a fax machine sending messages sent thousands of years in the past. How does Callie vs. Marie make sense if Callie and Marie are not even a century young? Also, they strongly foreshadowed at the conclusion of the previous Splatfest (unfortunately, my endorsement lost) that this one would be Callie vs. Marie. And by strongly foreshadowed, I mean in the same sense that it was 100%-guaranteed that Hillary Clinton would be the Democrat Party's nominee for president.

Did they access the fax machine weeks before the message was sent? Is the fax machine lore all a scam? Are Callie and Marie in cahoots on this? Is there, in fact, only one party, masquerading as two parties to give the serfs the illusion of free choice?

With those questions to ponder on the back of our minds, let us discuss why I support Callie over Marie.