Life Lessons From the Rand Direct January 2016

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The media, liberty, access to information...

Yesterday night there was a pretty bad national “debate” among seven men who pretty much agree with one another, with almost all of them being outright losers and horrible people. Giving them valuable time on KoopaTV was a programming error on my part, and I take responsibility for it. Just about the only things worse was the last Democrat Party's 2016 debate we covered, and the three VGX/The Game Awards that have occurred under KoopaTV's existence, although at least the latter is videogame-related? Still really bad though.

Rather than make it up by having some in-depth videogame analysis, we'll actually give you coverage on the event that was ALSO happening during this primetime “debate”. No, it's not American Idol, it's Rand Paul's Twitter-based Town Hall thing where he spent over 40 minutes answering people's questions on some video streaming thing called Periscope. Because whatever that is, that's what the young millennials use and it shows you're hip. ...I'm obviously not hip.

Part 1: https://www.periscope.tv/DrRandPaul/1vAGRPOOWNjxl | Part 2: https://www.periscope.tv/DrRandPaul/1gqxvwNNjPQKB | Part 3: https://www.periscope.tv/DrRandPaul/1vOGwwrXgZMGB

According to a minute of research, Periscope videos disappear after 24 hours, so these links might not even work. Hm. ...Okay in the process of writing this article they all disappeared. Woops. Watch this instead from RandPaulTV, which doesn't have every minute of footage but most of it:

The story here is that after the media didn't let Senator Paul on the stage with the seven losers (some of those seven shouldn't have been there at all by any reasonable standard), Rand Paul decided to bypass the broadcasting media and take his message directly to the people. 

In effect, he took the tactic from Satoru Iwata's Nintendo Directs and instead had a Rand Direct. ...Which admittingly sounds more like a programming command than a streamed event, but whatever. Let's just get to the part where I tell you what to get out of it.

KoopaTV's Judgment of January 2016 Republican Debates at Fox Business Network

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - It's not really a debate...

Two so-called debates tonight on Fox Business Network! One at 6 PM and one at 9 PM, but this'll be published when they're both done so whatever. They're streamed here.

Simultaneously for the debate at 9 PM, Republican presidential candidate Rand Paul is streaming a town hall thing because Fox Business refused to let him into the main debate stage. So Rand was all, “I'll bring my message right to the people!”

As much as I would like to just watch only that, KoopaTV is Fair & Balanced. So I'm putting my own political preference aside to bring you the sure-to-be-boring two debates among a set of ten candidates that agree with each other on almost every issue, and not focusing on the candidate that, while I feel is the best one and actually is different, is only one guy.

'cause chances are you're more interested in one of those ten Republicans than the one Rand Paul. Also, ignore the fact that no longer covering the Democrat Party debates probably makes us no longer Fair & Balanced, if you ever thought we were to begin with. Hey, according to KoopaTV Feedback Form Part I, on average we score pretty well for that! I'll take that as a good sign. 

Also, his live stream is hosted on Facebook which is a disastrous decision that I'm not happy for. What message does it send when your underground, kinda rebellious screw-the-media event is on a website that censors the existence of kinda rebellious screw-the-media organisations?

Literally “screw the media.”

Although, even though it's officially hosted by Facebook, Rand himself will be live at Twitter's headquarters and taking questions via Twitter. He wants to take his message, “directly to the people.” He's basically doing a Nintendo Direct. Which is really cool, but KoopaTV already said we'd cover the Republican debates... So let's... kinda do that.

I'd Rather Live in the Past Than the Future

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I know the question is “visit”, but...

After questions of morality and proof that Splatoon's best players are naughty, our next Splatfest in North America is this weekend! The question? If you could time-travel, would you wanna go back in time to the past, or forwards to the future?

Callie is on Team Past, and Marie is on Team Future.

I think the answers and the reasons for why we'd think that way are clear. We like bathing in nostalgia, and we hate “springing forward” into the future with Daylight Savings Time. Daylight Savings Time is a complete disaster, and that's just going into the future by one hour. Imagine the complete cataclysm if we went ahead by hundreds or thousands of years! That's millions of hours! It's Daylight Savings Time on a scale we've never experienced before. We have no idea what the hell will happen in that time.

However, a lot of videogames give us an idea of what'll happen in the future. By comparison, we know exactly what will happen in the past because, y'know, it's happened already. Enough time has passed in the course of existence that, if we can pick and choose which parts of the past we'd like to visit, we can undergo a huge variety of experiences and be seen as royalty for our prophetic knowledge of the future.

Just be warned: We can only go back in one direction, since you can only be on one team. At least if you go to the past but not too far, you'll eventually get to the present era if you miss it. If you go to the future, you can't come back to the present... only deeper into the future. Let's start! 

KoopaTV Live Reactions: SOTU 2016

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Featuring a depressed House Speaker Paul Ryan, PLUS Nikki Haley's response.

As you know if you live in America, any TV channel in the United States that covers news or commentary has its programming usurped by President Barack Hussein Obama's final State of the Union!

Well, it happened. That's all, folks?

 

Nah, I reacted to it. Kamek was kinda there too in some capacity. A long time before I was. I was actually playing our Game of THAT Year 2015 winner Splatoon to make the time pass, but that's not reflected in the log. Read on.

KoopaTV 2015 GOTY Awards!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - With other categories as well. A lot of other categories.

We got the whole Internet eagerly awaiting our ceremonial awards for 2015. What was the best game of 2015? What was the funniest KoopaTV article? Who is our favourite guest contributor?

You can and should check out and remind yourself about the nominations here.

Without further ado, let's start the ceremony. Oooh, let's put the page-break in a really enticing place. You definitely gotta click to see the rest of this article now.

Videogame-related Awards for 2015

KoopaTV's 2015 GOTY Nominations!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - And other categories.

These were decided and talked about in our [Koopa Keep] AOL Instant Messenger Blast. Behold!

The déjà vu from years past is intentional. (To be eligible, those running have to start their existence in America from January 1, 2015 to December 31, 2015.)

And just so you remember, that stands for "Game of THAT Year". That's the KoopaTV touch.

There is no “Worst KoopaTV Comment” of 2015 because, uh, y'all were actually good this year. I think the KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program got most people to want to comment non-anonymously, which resulted in people not commenting total trash because they would be putting their name to it. OR after being around for so long, everyone who hates us has us blocked already. We may be one of the most blocked websites on the Internet, then!

But yeah, this isn't just about gaming, but also ourselves. 'cause we're art to be recognised and applauded, too.

KoopaTV.org's Game of THAT Year 2015!
Nominations! And other categories!

CAPTURE THE CONFEDERATE FLAG: The Advertisement Video!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The advertisement video for Capture the Confederate Flag.

Not convinced to play Capture the Confederate Flag yet? Or biding your time? Perhaps you've already played it. Whatever your situation, we are pleased to announce the official Capture the Confederate Flag advertisement video! It'd be a trailer, except it's coming out after the game's release. Trailers are only before. I think.

Here's the script:

Is There a Meaning Behind Paper Jam?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - On first glance, it doesn't have a positive meaning.

Pretty much all of KoopaTV's staff seems to agree that Nintendo's only great announcement from E3 2015 was the 3DS game, Mario & Luigi: Paper Jam from AlphaDream. It's the newest game in the Mario & Luigi series, but it features Paper Mario (from his own series). So it's like a crossover of the two on-going Mario-themed RPGs, though it's tough to still consider Paper Mario to be an RPG series considering its last two releases, especially with Nintendo outright not considering Paper Mario: Sticker Star a roleplaying game.

Anyway, a lot of people have convinced themselves that this is a new game in the Paper Mario series, which is wrong. It's not really a crossover, either, since Paper Mario and Mario & Luigi don't get the same or equal attention in the title: In fact, Paper Mario doesn't really even get the sub-title, because... um... "Paper Jam" doesn't exactly scream "Paper Mario"... It screams "Crap I kept the paperclip in that group of papers when I fed it into the scanner."

That colour scheme for "Paper Jam" directly correlates to Paper Mario: Sticker Star but none of the other box arts in that sub-series.

“Go Read a Book” is a Flawed Response

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - There is this false presumption among people that books are inherently superior. They're not.

Maybe I'm overreacting, but it seems like the standard response among people who think they're too smart for a discussion is to just tell the people they're discussing/arguing with to “go read a book” and that's their finishing statement. Done. You can't come back from that. It's over. Read that there book. Are people saying this because it's a meme (well...) or because they really think books are all that?

Maybe I am just biased because I'm offended on three levels: One, as a writer on a digital-exclusive platform, I don't get to have my writings printed into a book. Two, as a writer about VIDEOGAMES who takes the position that videogames are the best medium. And three, people sorta tell me to “go read a book” occasionally. Like I'm an unread nitwit. Psh.

The logic here is that reading a book makes you more civilised. That doesn't make any sense.

So yeah, I'm going to tear apart this idiotic catchphrase and you're welcome to link to this article anytime you see someone say “go read a book” or if they, in fact, say that to you. It even has headers and anchor HTML so you can link to a specific part.

...And don't you dare say “go read a book” to anyone.

Satoru Iwata Brought You Pokémon Red & Blue

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Unless “you” refers to a Japanese reader. And hey, if you're in Japan, let me know.

Everyone seems fascinated by localisation tales, with an anonymous commenter and I having a nice discussion about people freaking out about Nintendo of America's localisation arm. People seem to take for granted the games that do manage to come over out of Japan, and maybe people don't realise that not every game made in America makes its way to Japan, either.

Let's explore the “take for granted” part a little more. Even though the Internet for whatever reason thinks the likes of Undertale is a better videogame than Pokémon Red/Blue, the latter still made up a ton of Americans' childhoods. And according to an interview between The Pokémon Company president and CEO Tsunekazu Ishihara and Japanese gaming site 4Gamer (translated by Siliconera), it almost didn't get outside of Japan! (The original article seems to be about Satoru Iwata and his genius programming legacy, and talks with a variety of other industry figures.)

How did it get localised and exported? Thanks to the work of... Satoru Iwata, president of HAL Laboratory at the time. While around the time of Satoru Iwata's tragic passing people recalled that his programming wizardry greatly assisted in Pokémon Gold/Silver containing the Kanto region, no one knew the story about Iwata's work with the first games in the Pokémon series. Until now. According to the interview translation, Ishihara said,