The 2015 Resolutions of KoopaTV's Staff

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - We'll check back later if these are met.

Before we get into our own resolutions and check to see if we met the ones from last year, let's see if Masahiro Sakurai met his resolution.

Sakurai resolved to complete Super Smash Bros. For 3DS/Wii U and release them both in 2014.

Did he do it? Yes, and yes, in all regions! A lot of people doubted him, but Sakurai came through and showed them how wrong they all were. Not only did he complete those games, but they were both great. Anticipate seeing them both in this year's KoopaTV Game of THAT Year awards series.

Speaking of Super Smash Bros., last year disgraced ex-staffer YoshiRider123 made it his resolution to play Super Smash Bros. 4. Though we no longer talk to one another, I can confirm that he at least owns Super Smash Bros. For Wii U, or else this self-pitying Miiverse post would not be able to exist.

Leave Chrom on the ground, please.

As for RawkHawk2010, although he is on unpaid administrative leave right now, I can safely confirm that he has played Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze.

As for me, I met my resolutions as well. KoopaTV has been promoted much more in 2014 than 2013, if view-counts mean anything. Not only that, but we have opened ourselves up to having AFFILIATES during this year! Own your own site? Better get on that. We'd love to have ya, and you'd love to have us.

Are KoopaTV's articles more in-depth in 2014 than 2013? Well, there's no objective way to measure that. So let's move on. Has my gaming backlog had serious dents made? Yes! ...But in terms of net change, it has only grown bigger. But hey, if we ignore additions made throughout 2014 to that thing and just look at what it was at the end of 2013 and only look at those games, it went down. I still haven't played Fire Emblem Awakening though.

My last resolution for 2014 was to "get to the bottom of the Madden Curse scandal." ...This was the most ambitious of my resolutions. And guess what? ...We did it. We're not gonna get any more bottom than that!

Okay, time for our NEW SET OF RESOLUTIONS:

Starting with YoshiRider123, who is not in our staff but I still want his here for reference. He vows, as head of the shithole known as NSider2, to help it reach its full potential. I'm guessing that means totally ruin it NeoGAF-style.

For RawkHawk2010, he said it was "to be". (As opposed to "not to be", he explains.)

And now for our actual staff members.

Vortexica starts us off horribly with, "My New Years resolution is to continue my earnest tradition of not making New Years resolutions." Well, how am I supposed to keep him accountable?!

Kamek "would like to get my foot in the door for learning Japanese. Like, maybe all of the Hiragana...Become more masterful of my French and Spanish... Aaaaaand lose weight. That's on everyone's list. ...Aaaaaand work out more. Manage time more wisely. And get a new job."

...Um, by "new job", he better not be talking about leaving KoopaTV.

Now, time for yours truly, the High Prince of Koopa Kingdom. I have an internal goal as to the traffic for KoopaTV I want to achieve for 2015 that I think is totally do-able at our growth rate. (Not gonna share it with y'all but I'll let you know if we met it.) My resolution is to give KoopaTV's only unexplored month, February, a spectacular time. I want it to be amazing! On that note, no month-long hiatus ever again. I want to continue our success into 2015. I also resolve to hold the new Republican majority in Congress accountable in the same manner I held the Democrat Party and President Barack Hussein Obama accountable. I campaigned hard to get 'em in, now they better damn be good. I also vow to actually play Fire Emblem Awakening in 2015. In addition, my last KoopaTV-related resolution is to create a satisfactory navigation system. And my last resolution period? Gain weight. Yeah, take that, Kamek!

Update: I thought of another thing I want to get done. I want to stop sleeping so late, so I want to be asleep before 11:30 PM every night.

Cheers, and have a happy 2015.


Ludwig has gotten many more Followers to his Miiverse account since last year, and thinks he can easily surpass 300 Followers by the end of 2015. Why not help that happen sooner by Following him at NNID PrinceOfKoopas? (Unless you already have... then stick around!)


For the 2014 Resolutions, click here.
NSider2 couldn't reach its potential.

The New About Page

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - One About page for all your needs. Will be ACTUALLY UPDATED.

Time to do two things: One, de-mystify KoopaTV with an About page that will be maintained. And two, combine our perfectly good existing "About KoopaTV" page with our sorely lacking "About Us" page into one, to save some space for those page tabs at the top of the site.

Oh, and three: We're gonna keep a TIMELINE here of KoopaTV! Now you can follow key events without hassle!

Last Update: July 4, 2023

The Ignorance of Sarkeesian Haters

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - If you thought I was out of character before...

There is something amiss in the air...

Let me explain.

Defend Anita Sarkeesian is KoopaTV's holiday gift to you to close out 2014. When in the November 2014 Newsletter I said there "will be a photo finish end to the year" I meant the release of Defend Anita Sarkeesian.

Obviously I want as many people to be exposed to it as possible because I worked hard on it, and I want people to understand that, unlike many other blogs out there, KoopaTV is different because we contribute to the arts. (Among a lot of other reasons.) Not because I'm an Anita Sarkeesian fan, because anyone who has half a brain can figure out that I'm not. Especially even if your first and only exposure to KoopaTV is the Defend Anita Sarkeesian landing page. Why? Because that page states two things:

1. We didn't come up with the game idea. We don't know who did, but whoever did did it under existential threat.
2. We theorised that it was Anita Sarkeesian herself because we have several anti-Sarkeesian articles that are literally linked to right there for your reading pleasure. (By the way, we haven't gotten any response from whoever did request it after we released it. No news is good news, right?)

So how totally stupid do you have to be to attack me like I'm some kind of Sarkeesian fanboy? ...Apparently, it's commonplace among so-called "gamers". (Same people who refuse to play a game, of course.)

This guy is in no position to be talking about knowing virtually anything.

Which leads to the title of this article, "The Ignorance of Sarkeesian Haters", because you gotta be really stupid.

More stupid people. Apparently KoopaTV is a SJW organization.

On Christmas, only Nintendo Network remained

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Xbox Live and PlayStation Network succumbed to the reptilian overlords.

This is gonna require you to remember last year, okay? Remember when Nintendo launched Pokémon Bank and it caused the Nintendo Network (their online services, including the eShop and online play) to crash not only on Christmas day, but for several days afterward? It was completely embarrassing, and who knows how many sales were lost as a result of it. (That particular article looked at it through the lens of how much Capcom got screwed for making Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Dual Destinies digital-download-only.)

The cynics (including the usual anti-Nintendo imbeciles on NeoGAF) decried the whole situation as another "Nintendo is still in the 20th century!" "Nintendo's online infrastructure sucks! Get a PlayStation or Xbox One!" or something. Even though back then, those other consoles also had issues on Christmas Day.

Well.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Or, to be seasonal, "HOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"

This Christmas, as you may already know, Microsoft's Xbox Live was totally down. Sony's PlayStation Network was totally down. And you know who is claiming responsibility? Lizard Squad. And you know whose online service was not down? Nintendo's. I know that for a fact, since I used it multiple times throughout Christmas Day! Miiverse was a bit slow, but it wasn't inaccessible. And Super Smash Bros. For Wii U was wonderful. Millions of Nintendo fans had access to the wonders of Nintendo's online services while those other guys were left in the cold.

Baby It's Cold Outside — So Read KoopaTV!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I have a good excuse this time for why this is just lyrics.

KoopaTV is in the giving and holiday season. As such, Ludwig has written a KoopaTV Khristmas Karol! ...Sorry, that's too gratuitous. A KoopaTV Christmas Carol!

...You miiight recognize what it's based off of. I hope you would!

The text in black is sung by... uh... Ms. Mowz. And the text in purple is sung by who is playing... um... Broggy. Yeah. Those are the roles. ...See the picture. Since I'm only just one dude, I can't sing both parts, right? ...Right? So you just get lyrics, but hey, you can sing it in your head.

(Hermie III sprite ripped by A.J. Nitro of The Spriters Resource.)

(And for some reason they're singing about KoopaTV too, right after this page-break. And really, why go outside when you got this website inside?)

Play DEFEND ANITA SARKEESIAN right here!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - KoopaTV's Christmas gift to you is a new game to play, for free, right here!

It has been a while since we released a new game, hasn't it? Here we go: It is called Defend Anita Sarkeesian and it is the spiritual sequel (in revenge fantasy form) to the Beat Up Anita Sarkeesian game released back in July 2012 (not by KoopaTV or anyone affiliated with us). By the way, you can't play Beat Up Anita Sarkeesian anywhere on the Internet right now. There was a file dump of it... that was removed midway through the development of Defend Anita Sarkeesian.

All you need to play this Defend Anita Sarkeesian game is a mouse or some kind of clicking device, and Adobe Flash Player! It's right after the page-break, so please read more.

By the way... the origins of this game are... perplexing. As in, KoopaTV didn't come up with it. We were used as code-monkeys in a similar way to how Namco was used as code-monkeys for Masahiro Sakurai for Super Smash Bros. 4. More on that after the page-break as well. Also after the page-break are some media materials for you to use if you want to cover this game.

North Korean antics leave Sony out in the cold this Christmas

By VORTEXICA - Also lizards?

KoopaTV recently covered the game Glorious Leader! from Moneyhorse LLC, a Contra clone featuring the eponymous "Glorious Leader" of North Korea, Kim Jong-un. See those articles for more information.

Anyway, the asininity surrounding North Korea and derivative works based thereon continues with news that last month Sony Pictures' computer systems were hacked and a number of unreleased films leaked online in a cyber-attack that took down Sony's computer network for almost a whole week, as well revealing the personal info of thousands of Sony employees.

All this kerfuffle was brought on in retaliation for the then-upcoming Sony Pictures comedy film The Interview, starring James Franco and Seth Rogen as journalists hired by the CIA to assassinate Kim Jong-un. It of course goes without saying that The Interview itself is not known to have been leaked. A shame really. That would've been the icing of irony on the layer cake of hilarity.

Welcome VORTEXICA to KoopaTV's Staff!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - We actually succeeded in suckering someone else to join our staff.

KoopaTV would like to give a warm welcome to Vortexica, the newest addition to our staff. Vortexica, also known as Vortex in some circles, is an old friend of Koopa Keep's back from the Nintendo NSider Forums days. He was an especially big fan of my fan-fiction, Events of Star World. But... so was everyone else who was sensible. In other words, we know him well. And soon, you'll know him well, too! ...Or at least a little bit.

What does Vortexica bring to the table? Well, the dude applied and got the "Content Writer" position from our jobs tab, but we'll keep that tab and the position there because we haven't hit our limit for that. Y'all will be able to read the article that impressed the existing staff so much very shortly. (As in... tomorrow.)

His avatar looks like this:

I dunno who this actually is but it sure ain't anyone from my planet.

Vortexica can offer a more... internationally-based perspective on the issues of the day, since he's telecommuting from the other side of the world. He is also not a right-wing extremist (or a right-wing anything) like me, so we can offer more of that "Fair & Balanced" stuff. He might show up in a Live Reaction log near you, or publishing an article.

...Not as much as you'll see me, though. So consider the occasional Vortexica article to be a treat. Unless you end up not liking him. ...But I doubt that!

By the way, I should really consider rewriting the "About Us" page. Maybe before 2015 starts.


Vortexica doesn't have an NNID, so that's sort of weird for an author to a Nintendo-focused website because it means he doesn't have a modern Nintendo system. Whatever, he can put his own crap in his own footers.


Vortexica comes through, and writes a well-thought out article on... NORTH KOREA and "The Interview" movie!
Three and a half years later, Vortexica is declared legally deceased.

Best Buy Country: Ludwig's Mac Quest

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - This is a really hard game.

On Tuesday, I wrote about me trying to get the Little Mac amiibo from Best Buy, and at the end I said, "I'll let you know what happens on Friday in regards to the Little Mac amiibo." ...It's Friday! The Best Buy employee — armed with the power of the inventory management system and a long look at the backroom storage — said it's out today! Let's drive down to the Best Buy (in bumper-to-bumper traffic) and pick it up!

This makes the title somewhat relevant. I guess they're making a huge push with Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze this Christmas. Good.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd long story short there is no Little Mac amiibo and the manager said it might be replenished on Tuesday's truck shipment. But this is a commentary website, so I guess I gotta have drawn out comments about it. Sure!

Glorious Leader! and North Korea Are Kickstarting!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - And we learn more about Moneyhorse LLC.

News concerning North Korea and Sony has spiraled out of control in the past two weeks. Thanks to the North Koreans, we know that Sony's executives comprise of hypocritical Obama-funding racists, and thanks to the North Koreans, we know that Sony is also made up of a bunch of irrational cowards since they are canceling "The Interview" movie in theatres.

However, what is interesting to me (not that that's not interesting) is that they have also brought out those shady guys from Moneyhorse LLC and their game, Glorious Leader!, out of the development hell it was hiding in. You may remember the game from when it got media coverage in May 2014. Or you might remember our "interview" we published two weeks ago where I declared:

"It's safe to say that this was either a hoax or a pathetic attempt at publicity."

Which is not necessarily wrong, but they just launched a Kickstarter two days ago. We do not endorse backing it, and here is why.