Secure Your Mind First, George Zimmerman

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Before you go be a security guard.

I really thought that KoopaTV wouldn't have anything to write about George Zimmerman after the one-year anniversary of his famous acquittal.

Well, I'm happy to be wrong! Back to ZimmermanTV!

At the end of July 2014, it was reported by Florida police that George Zimmerman was found in the middle of the night guarding a motorcycle shop that also sells guns. To be exact, it was the Deland, Florida location of the local motorcycle shop chain, Pompano Pat's. It also happens to be where George Zimmerman got a free gun. Just some trivia.

Here's the thing: Despite the history together, Zimmerman was never asked to be there. In fact, Pat Johnson, the founder of Pompano Pat's, declared that he learned about Zimmerman being there from the news. You know, the same place where President Barack Hussein Obama learns what's going on in the country.

Zimmerman is just trying to work, according to himself. But is there more to the story? KoopaTV investigates.

Happy Friday America! Be safe and have fun. We start work on Monday! I love you all.
— George Zimmerman (@TherealGeorgeZ) August 1, 2014

BREAKING: George Zimmerman REMOVED From Smash 4!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - KoopaTV exclusive! Looks like he broke his contract.

We first brought you the exclusive-to-KoopaTV trailer of American hero George Zimmerman's Super Smash Bros. For Wii U & Super Smash Bros. For 3DS announcement back in April 2014. Since then, George Zimmerman has rarely, if ever, appeared in the saviour-to-Nintendo game's "Pic Of The Day" series hosted by Masahiro Sakurai every weekday on Miiverse. But it's not like we see Diddy Kong or Captain Olimar in those on a monthly basis either, so that's pretty normal.

What is most certainly abnormal is Mr. Zimmerman's behaviour since his trailer. Since then, he has met the ire of the nation of North Korea, lost a civil suit against NBC for defaming his character (meanwhile, we'll continue to refame it in these pages), became homeless, and then became a security guard without anyone asking him to. While the homeless part may be apparently normal according to Rick Santorum's "Obamaville" future (although that was thoroughly discredited by KoopaTV), everything else is much larger than life. Which fits, because George Zimmerman is now a videogame character thanks to Masahiro Sakurai and Super Smash Bros. 4! He's just playing his role.

...Or he would be. But we've just received word that George Zimmerman is not in Super Smash Bros. For 3DS OR Super Smash Bros. For Wii U. And he won't be in as DLC, either. (Good, we hope there aren't any DLC characters.)

Why? He broke his contract. Details below...!

George Zimmerman Didn't Really Throw a Wine Bottle

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - And he's not getting charged. George Zimmerman rides again!

Last month, we gave hugely concerning news: George Zimmerman got arrested within the first two weeks of 2015! He was supposed to be in court on February 17, and you better believe that we were going to cover it.

HOWEVER, it turns out there were other plans in store for this American hero. Namely, the prosecution is dropping all charges against George Zimmerman! The Orlando Sentinel reports,

"But this morning the State Attorney's Office reported that the woman, Zimmerman's roommate and dental hygienist, 28-year-old Brittany Brunelle, had recanted her story and refused to cooperate. As a consequence, it is dropping the case."

The Orlando Sentinel adds this very important bit:

"When they issued a subpoena, she did appear with her attorney and either told them or handed them a statement saying that Zimmerman had not thrown a bottle at her and that she never feared him, the statement said."

DID I CALL THAT OR WHAT? KoopaTV, January 12:

"The unidentified girlfriend told the police about it when she was undergoing a traffic stop. Perhaps she made up the story so she wouldn't get a traffic ticket?" (Emphasis added)

2015 Starts Dim for the 'Zim

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Welcome to ZimmermanTV, home of Zimmerman Kart.

It's a new year, and George Zimmerman is still here. The last time we saw him and didn't just make a passing reference, Super Smash Bros. For 3DS just came out and George Zimmerman's civil rights lawsuit was called off by the Justice Department. Well, I guess that might be inaccurate information, or perhaps it doesn't even matter.

What difference, at this point, does it make?

George Zimmerman got arrested. ...Again. On aggravated assault for throwing a wine bottle at a girlfriend. ...A different girlfriend. Who is different from his ex-wife. His lawyer, Don West (the same Don West from his trial), said,

"It's clear he hasn't been very lucky with the ladies the last few months."

To be fair, the dude is able to get girlfriends. That's a lot more than some of us can claim. If you're a woman and you're reading this, would you want to date Zimmerman? (Ignore that he's 31 now if that's too old for you.) Stick with nice guys! (Which also wouldn't include us, I guess.)

Zimmerman was in court on January 10, and the wine bottle-throwing incident happened on January 5th. The unidentified girlfriend told the police about it when she was undergoing a traffic stop. Perhaps she made up the story so she wouldn't get a traffic ticket?

George Zimmerman entering passenger-side into the Zimmobile. Different than the car used in his road rage incident.

George Zimmerman Shot By Right-Wing Gun Nut!?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Might even be affiliated with the Octarians.

Breaking news, y'all: Today, George Zimmerman was involved in some sort of weaponised altercation. (We care because KoopaTV covers every Zimmerman story in the news as part of our ZimmermanTV alter-ego.)

The plot twist? He was the one being shot at.

So a lot of these news sources get their clicks by saying there was another Zimmerman shooting, and the details talk about how he was the one being shot at. Well, we'll lay it up straight after doing research on the suspect and listening to the Lake Mary police's live conference.

Update later in the day: We said screw privacy and just gave the suspect's name in full.

Zimmerman being taken inside a firetruck masquerading as the ambulance.

Zimmerman: A Free Man For A Year

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - But is he really free?

It has been one year since George Zimmerman could rest from the most traumatic period of his life: Being put on trial for a murder of a teenager with the entire nation watching you. With the help of his Ace Attorneys, he managed to secure the just "Not Guilty" verdict.

Although if it were up to Judge Debra Nelson, it would be a guilty verdict.

Such a thing happens every day across the United States of America. So why are we singularly obsessed over this one trial? Well, as we've written many times before ("Zimmerman" has now been name-dropped in 32 KoopaTV articles, and has been the primary subject of... [one, two, three, four, five, six being what was linked in the opening paragraph] seven articles, including this one), not every person on trial in America has a huge media frenzy on them. Not every trial polarizes America, and not every trial has such a wild cast of amusing characters. Most trials are actually pretty boring.

Not this one.

We at KoopaTV watched the trial as it was being live-streamed by various media outlets. It included hilarious moments like the following compiled by KoopaTV contributor Rawk:

GEORGE ZIMMERMAN'S PUNCH-OUT!!??

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Trayvon Tyson's Punch-Out!! brought to life. Spoiler alert, by the way.

Okay, KoopaTV really did it this time. This isn't a game announcement. This is real life. The last and only time KoopaTV cited anything from TMZ, it was from an article heavily talking about Mike Tyson. TMZ returns again for Punch-Out!! shenanigans.

"Now's your chance to kick George Zimmerman's ass with zero legal repercussions -- he just agreed to a celebrity boxing match ... and he says he'll fight ANYONE. [...]
Lately George has been more interested in boxing than guns ... regularly training in the ring. [...]
As for George's cut from the fight, we're told he's donating the money to charity.
If you'd like to throw your hat in the ring for the March 1 match, email fightgeorge@hotmail.com."

We tried to interview George Zimmerman about his inspiration, but he declined to accept it. Fair enough. However, it's pretty obvious that he must've played Trayvon Tyson's Punch-Out!! and was frustrated that he was only an NPC. Feeling that he would never be able to have the same kind of success Little Mac had in the virtual world (for a comparison of Little Mac and George Zimmerman, click here), Zimmerman decided to do this in real life.

Currently, ex-gang member "The Game" wishes to destroy Zimmerman. While the fact that Zimmerman was inspired by a videogame to do this and then the name of his opponent being "Game" is certainly interesting, KoopaTV wants Zimmerman to fight someone else.

George Zimmerman's taste in women: Mario fans?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I'm finally starting to see why everyone else in the world has something against George Zimmerman.

KoopaTV has done some investigative reporting on the woman who lied about getting a wine bottle thrown at her by George Zimmerman to get her out of a traffic ticket.

While we never found out the answer of, "Did she actually pay the ticket?" we did find something deeply, deeply disturbing. And we don't consider "She was in a relationship with George Zimmerman and lived with him" to be disturbing.

LOOK AT HER POSE WITH THAT FIRE FLOWER.

You don't see ME posing with Fire Flowers, do you? And she is obviously a fan of the Mario brothers, the same bastards who are well-known in Koopa Kingdom (and by you and the rest of the universe) as the terrorists who continually make the lives of my family miserable.

You can see from the time-stamp that this was before she became George Zimmerman's roommate, meaning this was past history with her. Meaning that he knew full well that the woman we are referring to as "Ms. BB" (to moderately respect her privacy) was a supporter of that punk plumber and his pals... and dare I say, chose her because of this.

The Battle Flag of George Zimmerman

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Preserving culture and fighting the media.

Readers of ZimmermanTV (that's KoopaTV when we've caught a cold) know that recently, George Zimmerman has been having trouble finding good people to associate with. He has a Mario-partying ex-girlfriend who thinks he's crazy. He has a truly crazy stalker who literally tried to kill him, and that particular guy is currently in the judicial system for that.

HOWEVER, he has finally found good company. Someone who is actually successful and owns a small business: Another gun store, the Florida Gun Supply. (We sorta hope that George Zimmerman won't have to physically guard this one.) It's Mr. Andy Hallinan. The two have made a "mini-documentary" together. You see, Mr. Hallinan doesn't want Radical Islam purchasing guns from him or participating in gun safety classes that he is making free for everyone else. In fact, he proclaimed he would deny service. So CAIR (Council on American-Islamic Relations; a well-known terrorism support group) sued Florida Gun Supply for illegal discrimination that violates Muslims' civil rights, or whatever.

So to support his friend, George Zimmerman is teaming up with Andy Hallinan to rescue America.

ZIMMERMAN: Free at last! No DoJ suit!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - No suits from the suits.

KoopaTV previously reported that, since Eric Holder would be stepping down as Attorney General and head of the Department of Justice, the federal civil rights lawsuit against the hero George Zimmerman would cease. This was incorrect reporting on KoopaTV's part, but it turns out that the end conclusion is the same. Besides, we didn't say it would end immediately! But now it finally has. 

This time, at last, KoopaTV can finally report that the Justice Department has ended its investigation and decided there is no evidence to try George Zimmerman for violating the civil rights of Trayvon Martin (federal hate crime-style) almost 3 years ago today. For an alternate reality of what could've happened, Rawk brings you this:

Cold Feet: Zimmerman's Escapades Canceled

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - He wasn't punched out — he didn't even get to enter.

Back in January KoopaTV left you with a very exciting prospect: the famous George Zimmerman was directly inspired by Trayvon Tyson's Punch-Out!! and decided to reenact it in real life. KoopaTV decided to try to draft the Reverend Al Sharpton as Zimmerman's opponent for reasons explained previously. We sent Al Sharpton and his National Action Network e-mails. The fight was to be scheduled for March 1: So what happened?

George Zimmerman Versus North Korea

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - KoopaTV? More like ZimmermanTV!

I could write about legitimate stories or causes, but let's write about George Zimmerman again. That's more fun.

After George Zimmerman visited Japan to talk with Masahiro Sakurai for the necessary paperwork to be in Super Smash Bros. 4, the evil guys at neighbouring North Korea must've taken notice. George Zimmerman is not just America's best entertainer, but he's also world-famous. Masahiro Sakurai is also Japan's best entertainer. It was a spectacular meeting. North Korea really has no sense of entertainment besides failed nuclear missile tests, throwing people to packs of hungry dogs, and hanging out with Dennis Rodman. So they're jealous of the successes of others.

They're so jealous, that they are portraying the George Zimmerman verdict as just one way on how the USA engages in human rights abuses. This is, of course, coming from the North Korea. We'll go over what they say just because they kind of remind me of KoopaTV in terms of being outrageous for attention. Just a smidgen.

George Zimmerman's Civil Rights Charge Is Off... So Enjoy Smash 4!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - This article is a direct result of what happens when KoopaTV adheres to its "one article per day" mantra.

Fantastic news and day all around. As you all very well know, Super Smash Bros. For 3DS comes out today.

Buy it.

I don't really need to tell you that though. After all, almost a half of KoopaTV's articles up to this point have been about Smash 4 or related to it. This is it. This is what we've been hyping up for over a year now! IT'S HERE.

...Well, technically we've been hyping up the Wii U version, but, you know.

But this is also a special time for another reason! Attorney General Eric Holder is leaving the government payroll and resigning. But we knew that last week. But what we just found out?

The Justice Department is calling off its civil rights case against George Zimmerman! Or, uh, it's going to be called off. It's not officially confirmed yet. That civil rights investigation is George Zimmerman's biggest fear right now, according to an article from GQ Magazine. By the way, read that article. It's hilarious. Better than this article will be.

The Zimmerman Trial's Ace Attorneys

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Zimmerman is NOT GUILTY and you know it!

We here at KoopaTV have been following the George Zimmerman trial as it's happened — live — since the whole thing is pretty much public viewing. There is something about highly publicized trials in America. I have no idea if all trials are like this and we just don't know about it, or these are just hilarious because they're highly publicized. ...Or highly publicized because they're hilarious. It's almost like something out of Capcom's Ace Attorney franchise, actually.

A Mario Allegedly Conspired Against George Zimmerman

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - This is hilarious stuff.

I would like this article to serve as a contrast to yesterday's very pro-plaintiff article. I'm definitely not for every time someone sues another person for the person initiating the lawsuit. KoopaTV is filled with articles about baseless lawsuits against videogame companies for matters like getting them addicted, and how we're on the side of the company. (Most recently with some Canadian family suing about Fortnite being addictive.)

You might've heard that George Zimmerman—which KoopaTV has an embarrassing history with because mid-2014 and early 2015 had nothing better happening—is suing a lot of people for a lot of money, including the family of Trayvon Martin, who he killed in self-defence back in 2013. (And was found not guilty in his Ace Attorney-esque trial, a verdict we still support.) He's also suing the prosecutors, the state of Florida, and others.

You can read the court filing for yourself here. It features a fascinating theory from George Zimmerman, being that the prosecution from his 2013 case conspired against him and put Rachel Jeantel, described in the filing as an unemployed Florida citizen (who back in 2013, was an 18-year old ninth grader reading at a fourth grade level and was the number one tardy student in school) as “an imposter and fake witness” in place of her half-sister, Brittany Diamond Eugene, who was Trayvon Martin's true girlfriend and phone witness to his death.

The conspirators behind this swap are described as Trayvon's best friends (described as possibly dangerous and gangster-y), named Mario and Bramble.

Mario? Here? Wouldn't surprise me.

The reason the lawsuit is happening now is because the prosecutor in the 2013 case, Benjamin Crump and HarperCollins published a new book in October with the inflammatory title, Open Season: Legalized Genocide of Colored People, and it contains false information about George Zimmerman. Thus, he felt compelled to sue for defamation... for $100,000,000.00, as well as attorney's fees.

The claims in this lawsuit about the imposter witness are largely due to the new investigation done by filmmaker Joel Gilbert, whom Wikipedia notes as a right-wing conspiracy theorist. They claims are not proven (or disproven), but hey, that'll be what court is for.

Assuming this case isn't totally thrown out by the judge like the last time Zimmerman tried to sue for defamation, that time being NBC. Quite frankly, I don't inherently believe George Zimmerman's claim here. I mean, if it's true, then he should be entitled to damages. It's not like he has any other method of having a future, since the case also notes he's unemployable, under constant death threats, and can't maintain a date. (That date was also a Mario fan... he keeps coming up, doesn't he?)


If you look at KoopaTV's history of ZimmermanTV articles, you should note that this site's opinion of George Zimmerman slowly goes from “he's a hero” to “this guy is a dangerous lunatic in an endless loop of doing stupid things for attention.” This latest theory sounds like a Phoenix Wright bluff, so that might mean it's actually true! Though it's never made clear what anyone had to gain from having the half-sister be an imposter.

Defamation and Infringement

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Just one more way that the Zimmerman trial is like an Ace Attorney case...

George Zimmerman. He's undoubtedly a hero. He's also undoubtedly not a racist. So why would NBC edit clips of his 911 call to police to distort his character?

The answer: To defame him and make a sensationalist story about race. So Zimmerman sued NBC. His lawsuit was thrown out by Judge Debra Nelson... the very same judge that presided over his criminal case when he killed Trayvon Martin.

Hey, you should try this out. It's also our only file footage of Judge Nelson.

Race-Baiting Infiltrating The Industry

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - This isn't an issue stuck just in the political realm.

Many years ago, when Resident Evil 5 from Capcom was first announced and revealed with a trailer, most people noticed how awesome the game looked. But some people chose to view the game differently... looking at it superficially. But not just "wow the game has sexy graphics it must be amazing" type of superficial... but by the colour of people's skins.

So as a result of black zombies in Africa (which is populated by a strong majority of black people), Resident Evil 5 is decried as racist by race-baiters across the Internet. These are punks looking to get hits on their websites and make a name for themselves. That concept may seem familiar to you, the reader, and that's probably why you're here. Well here's the difference between those people (dun dun dun) and me.

The Crimes of Mike Tyson

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The criminal history of the for-glory superstar.

With boxing still fresh on everyone's mind lately (the Manny Pacquiao vs. Floyd Mayweather boxing match brought out a lot of closet boxing fans), we'd like to note KoopaTV's special relationship with the Punch-Out!! series. We dedicated a full week of articles towards it and topped that off with the release of a whole videogame, Trayvon Tyson's Punch-Out!!, playable here. You can also watch a Let's Play of it here.

With those advertisements and that prefacing out of the way, we haven't talked a whole lot about the man who helped the game sell so well in America and gave it its unique fanbase: Mike Tyson himself. Mike Tyson was the famous heavyweight boxer who got into a ton of controversy because of his personal choices both in and out of the ring. A lot of that controversy came from his nature to commit acts of bad behaviour. While the Tyson star power helped sell Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!! and made Nintendo millions of bucks, there was and still is an inherent ethical problem in branding it with the Mike Tyson name that will forever leave a very dark mark on Nintendo's history.

Darker than the black eye this dude got from Tyson.

Let's talk about it! 

You Won't BELIEVE What The Videogame Media Misreported!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - These so-called journalists should slow down and get the facts right.

In the old days of journalism, journalists cared about getting the facts right. They asked questions that needed to be answered for the report to go through: 

1. Who?
2. What?
3. Where?
4. When?

Source: A CainTV comment. For comparison, here's a collection of KoopaTV comments.

And then... editorialists and people with an agenda added "Why?". Journalism as a field was twisted and facts took a backseat to opinions. Horrible websites like KoopaTV were created focusing on this "Why?", with other questions left unanswered, uninvestigated, or deemed unimportant. This has been going on long enough.

Now look at journalism today. Very sickening. As a product of our toxic culture, so-called videogame journalists have sprung up out of their basements trying to be the first one to cover the story. Of course, the first one to rush into a story is the first one to get it wrong. Beware anyone whose mission is to get you the news first. Examples to follow after the page break, so be sure to read on for more.

Fighting Fascism In Our World and The Game Industry

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Quixotic fight, but that hasn't stopped us before!

Surely you're aware by now about what happened to Phil Robertson on the show "Duck Dynasty", which KoopaTV has briefly mentioned before so it's okay to talk about it again. That's called continuity, folks. While it IS KoopaTV's place to rant about transparency and the injustices of the world, it's really not something you'd expect us to have any expertise about. 

Full disclosure: I've never watched a full episode of Duck Dynasty.

However, something we game industry journalists DO have experience in is the supposedly influential videogame discussion forum, NeoGAF. Indeed, if you've read a lot of our AIM Blast logs (that we do with every Nintendo Direct!) then you might see NeoGAF mentioned a lot. That's because we all have accounts on there — although I'm only a Junior Member and Rawk is (temporarily) banned from the site. YoshiRider123 is riding fine though. They're pretty major in the game industry. Here's a documentary explaining it.

Full disclosure: KoopaTV occasionally uses NeoGAF's propensity to click on anything to get a lot of views.

So what does NeoGAF have to do with anything? Well, they happen to have taken a strong stance of silencing anyone who stands opposed to their far-left agenda.