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Friday, April 28, 2017

Nintendo's Fiscal Year 2017: Featuring Nintendo Switch!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - That, and many more factoids (including a FAKE NEWS alert!) with Nintendo's annual financial disclosures!

For a business nerd like I am, this is an exciting time to be had. Yesterday on April 27, 2017, Nintendo released their Fiscal Year 2017 information! (That's the beginning of April 2016 to the end of March 2017, to you.) And it has all sorts of hidden goodie information below big headlining numbers. But I guess we need to get those headlines out of the way:

  • The Nintendo Switch has sold 2.74 million units
    • Nintendo projects to sell 10,000,000 more by the end of March 2018
    • The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild sold 2.76 million units on the Switch, while 2.7 million non-Zelda Switch games have also been sold. That means The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild has an insane attach rate of over 100%.
  • The Nintendo 3DS family sold a combined 7.27 million units
    • Nintendo projects to sell 6 million more 3DS family units by the end of March 2018
    • The Nintendo 2DS sold 2.49 million, while the New Nintendo 3DS XL sold 4.02 million
    • The Nintendo 2DS seems the most popular in Europe/Australia for some reason
    • Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon, combined, are the #2 best-selling 3DS games ever at 15.44 million units, only behind Pokémon X and Pokémon Y at lifelong 16.11 million. Mario Kart 7 drives in third at a lifelong 15.22 million. (Compare to a few months ago.)
    • They announced the New Nintendo 2DS XL, which will get its own KoopaTV article later. 
  • If you want a Wii U, you might have to get one off the second-hand market.
  • Nintendo's operating profit was less than last year (profit relating to business operations), but their net profit was much higher because of that whole Seattle Mariners sale.

Despite that last bullet point, Nintendo beat their own projections. That's always a welcome thing. Clearly, it was advantageous for Nintendo to launch the Switch in March as opposed to arbitrarily delaying it, despite people's claims that the Nintendo Switch launch was somehow “rushed.”

But there's some really interesting numbers regarding said Nintendo Switch launch.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

The Wonderful 1237 Strategy Guides: John Kasich

 By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Take small bites!

We continue our long line of strategy guides for KoopaTV's amazing browser-based Flash game, The Wonderful 1237! The Wonderful 1237 features seventeen unique minigames, all from each of the seventeen Republican presidential candidates you will be competing with. This is our fourth such guide.

As explained in the Wonderful Wednesday article about those minigames, I'll be writing these strategy guides — one for each candidate, in a specific order. This one is about the guy who is the current governor of Ohio: John Kasich. In real life, John Kasich was the last candidate standing against Donald Trump — he absolutely refused to drop out. He's the real-life version of what happens when candidates refuse to drop out of the race. His poll numbers went up just because he was one of the last people around. Why would anyone drop out if you can do that?

Candidate Stats

Base stats and growth:
Beauty: 1 + (1–4)
Cool: 0 + (0–2)
Cute: 2 + (1–4)
Smart: 1 + (0–4)
Tough: 0 + (0–3)

Average untouched stats after 14 rounds:
Beauty: 36
Cool: 14
Cute: 37
Smart: 29
Tough: 21

Average likelihood of surviving Iowa if untouched:
Average likelihood. (John Kasich will have 11 delegates on average; need 11 to clear.)
The Wonderful 1237 versus vs. John Kasich
“VERSUS JOHN KASICH. Fight!”

Monday, April 24, 2017

It's Time For Adventure, Diamond and Pearl!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Before it inevitably happens, let's establish some criteria.

Two days ago on April 22nd, 2017, Pokémon Diamond Version and Pokémon Pearl Version (weird to think that “version” is technically a part of the name) had their tenth anniversary in North America! While I normally don't care about anniversaries, I know you guys do. Plus, KoopaTV's staff are made up of a bunch of Sinnoh supremacists, so hey, might as well take the opportunity to talk.

The Sinnoh-related thing on every Pokémon fan's mind is that we're supposed to be getting Sinnoh remakes soon. Just three years ago at around this time of year, The Pokémon Company International announced Pokémon Omega Ruby and Pokémon Alpha Sapphire to everyone's acclaim except my own. (That was eleven years after Pokémon Ruby Version and Pokémon Sapphire Version were released.) There's a pattern of new generation, third version (or sequels, if you're really tricky), and remake of two–three generations prior (Generation 5 ended too quickly to have the Generation 3 remake). We just began Generation 7 last year when Pokémon Sun Version and Pokémon Moon Version released, and Pokémon is arguably an annual release. What will happen this year?

Plus, there's this new Pokémon movie with Marshadow in it that is a throwback to Ash's original Kanto adventures, but there is a girl with a PIPLUP and a guy with a LUCARIO in it for some reason... Hm... What could they POSSIBLY be doing there...? A promotion of things to come?


Personally, the Sinnoh-related thing that's also still on my mind are all of the Super Contest references in KoopaTV's videogame, The Wonderful 1237, so I'll start off by talking about that and then move to a variety of other concerns.

Friday, April 21, 2017

NES: NES is Done! Will there be a SNES: SNES?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - ...And would a SNES: SNES be worth buying?

Which do you think caught more of the general public's attention? Nintendo announcing and releasing the Nintendo Entertainment System: NES Classic Edition, or Nintendo announcing and releasing the Nintendo Switch? Even though the latter had a SUPER BOWL commercial, the commoners are more shocked by the lack of supply and subsequent worldwide discontinuation of the Nintendo Entertainment System: NES Classic Edition (NES: NES) than the Nintendo Switch's lack of supply.

GameFAQs poll of the day Nintendo Entertainment System Classic Edition discontinued results feelings
If you read the KoopaTV articles I wrote and just hyperlinked about the NES: NES, you'll see I never gave a crap about it. (I still don't.)
But here's what GameFAQs poll of the day takers think about the discontinuation.


I can't say what the real reasons were for Nintendo discontinuing the NES: NES Classic Edition. Perhaps the Nintendo Switch was very jealous. Perhaps the NES: NES existed just to pad Fiscal Year 2017 during Christmas since the Wii U wasn't helping at all. (We'll see the results of that come next week.)

It's okay if the Wii U was jealous. But the Nintendo Switch? No! 

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

The Wonderful 1237 Strategy Guides: Marco Rubio

 By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Carrying his water.

It has been a brief intermission, but welcome back to Wonderful Wednesdays, the series of articles that all have to do with KoopaTV's amazing browser-based Flash game, The Wonderful 1237! The Wonderful 1237 features seventeen unique minigames, all from each of the seventeen Republican presidential candidates you will be competing with. This will be the THIRD candidate to cover: Marco Rubio!

As explained in the Wonderful Wednesday article about those minigames, I'm writing these strategy guides — one for each candidate, in a specific order. This one is about the man that critics called the “Republican Obama” who only won one real state (Minnesota — he also won Washington D.C. and Puerto Rico) in the actual primaries: Senator Marco Rubio. Marco Rubio is slightly below average in terms of candidate viability in The Wonderful 1237, which has gotta stink for him. He, however, has the most complicated minigame, and definitely has the potential to make it very far — making his minigame able to count for many delegates. He's also the Coolest candidate — which is useful for getting through Iowa, and then the latter half of states if he makes it that far. Marco Rubio is likely to struggle in the states after Iowa and before the latter half, however.

Candidate Stats

Base stats and growth:
Beauty: 0 + (0–4)
Cool: 4 + (1–5)
Cute: 0 + (0–3)
Smart: 0 + (0–3)
Tough: 0 + (0–3)

Average untouched stats after 14 rounds:
Beauty: 28
Cool: 46
Cute: 21
Smart: 21
Tough: 21

Average likelihood of surviving Iowa if untouched:
Quite likely. (Marco Rubio will have 14 delegates on average; need 11 to clear.)
The Wonderful 1237 Versus Marco Rubio fight
“VERSUS...
MARCO... RUBIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Fight!”

Monday, April 17, 2017

Gamified Tax Filings? GameStop's Re-Fun Your Refund

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - ...Don't spend your tax return on GameStop. They suck at math.

For some years now, major gaming retailer GameStop has been talking up a “Re-Fun Your Refund” campaign, introducing sales during this season on the idea that most of its customers get money back from the Internal Revenue Service before or on Tax Day, so they should spend their money on GameStop games and game accessories.

A year ago or so, GameStop conducted a survey about taxes and made a press release about it. The headline is that “Nearly 70 Percent Would Enjoy Doing Taxes If Filing Could Be More Like a Video Game”, but when you look at the survey data they released, you can tell that you shouldn't trust GameStop to run a survey. The leading questions and awful methodology are Republican National Committee fundraising survey-levels of bad, and those are embarrassing to any statistician, believe me.

GameStop Tax Refund Survey Pikachu bling gold chain dollars sunglasses gangster
Speaking of embarrassing...
 

Friday, April 14, 2017

When Kickstarters Get Kicked In The Ass (Part 4)

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - It turns out that Yooka-Laylee is a mess in every way.

This was supposed to be the reliable Kickstarter project with minimal risks and excellent rewards: Take the creative talent that used to work at Rare Ltd., put them in a company of their own creation in Playtonic, and let them loose to make a spiritual sequel of Banjo-Kazooie to bring back 3D platforming!

Funded by an EXTREMELY SUCCESSFUL Kickstarter, Yooka-Laylee was extremely promising. As recently as mid-2016, KoopaTV staffer and Yooka-Laylee backer (he's not writing this article because he's lazy that's a conflict-of-interest) RawkHawk2010 sung Yooka-Laylee's praises based on screenshots and videos:
“Overall, the game looks good. Good gameplay, good graphics, good music, good dudes, good everything. It looks gooder than Banjo-Kazooie. It looks waaaaay gooder than insipid slog Banjo-Tooie.”
Yooka-Laylee was supposed to be at least be good. It has now released on PC, PlayStation 4, and Xbox One on April 11, 2017 to the world. But... according to majority opinion ranging across the reviewing spectrum (critics and users alike), Yooka-Laylee doesn't reach good-status.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

KoopaTV's Nintendo Direct April 12 2017 Live Reactions

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Featuring a change in how these reaction logs are done.

Welcome to another edition of a LIVE KoopaTV live reaction log, featuring your favourite (and least-favourite) KoopaTV staffers chatting in real-time to an event. Today, we present to you the Nintendo Direct that is supposed to be about games for the Nintendo 3DS and Nintendo Switch, mainly focusing on ARMS and Splatoon 2. Not sure where the 3DS comes into play for that.

There is an important process change this time around. Our reliable technological partner, AOL Instant Messenger (AIM), which hasn't changed for, like, a decade, all of a sudden decided yesterday to eliminate the superior AIM version 7.5 and forced the world to use inferior AIM version 8.0. They've existed concurrently for many years, but, hey, let's break what's working.

We're considering joining the modern world and are taking suggestions for what to do. (Skype isn't an option.)

For this reaction log, we're still on AIM, but I've moved to using AIM through Pidgin, which is how Rawk has been using it this whole time. Because of how Pidgin works, I'm no longer in the log as Nintendork 13 13! ...But Kamek and Vortexica are in the log as Ultralink1000 and breezinabout. Oh well.

You can watch the Nintendo Direct on-demand right here:



Monday, April 10, 2017

Was the Nintendo Switch Launch Rushed?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Well, besides the inventory issues, more time wouldn't fix anything. It might even make the problems worse.

The Nintendo Switch has been released worldwide for five weeks now, and people still have to put in a lot of search costs and planning to obtain one.

Nintendo Switch wristbands NYC NY New York store distribution Twitter
The entire Nintendo NY Twitter account is dedicated to talking about how they've run out of wristbands every day.

Million(s) of Nintendo Switch units have been sold, and those fortunate enough to have one are enjoying The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. Still, some people who have a Switch, and many people who don't have one but follow things closely, believe that there are some quality issues with the new console and its accessories. They also are wondering why there wasn't much more other than The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild at launch.

To these people, the Nintendo Switch launch was rushed and it should've been delayed for months... even to the end of the year.

I'm inclined to disagree.

Friday, April 7, 2017

The Quest For GTA V Single-Player DLC

By GEOFF BRABANT - Rockstar seemingly forgot about solo players.

Confession time: I really hate playing with other people. Multiplayer-only games are an instant no-buy in my book, and even if a game boasts a significant multiplayer component, I feel that it should be able to stand on its single-player alone. Rockstar GamesGrand Theft Auto V absolutely nails its single-player component, which features one of the most vibrant open worlds in gaming to this day (even though the game is coming up on its fourth year) and some of the most memorable characters of two console generations. I'm not the only one either, as the game has sold more than 75 million copies to date – so here I am scratching my head as to why the heck aren’t they making a single-player expansion for this thing?

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

The Wonderful 1237 Strategy Guides: Ted Cruz

 By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Shooting the finest Canadian bacon.

The article scheduling is going to let you see two very different situations: last week's strategy guide was on the very last minigame I developed for The Wonderful 1237, KoopaTV's awesome videogame pitting you against seventeen other Republican presidential candidates. You'll want to win more delegates than they get (1237 being the magic number), and each candidate's endorsement minigame is an important part of achieving that.

As explained in the Wonderful Wednesday article about those minigames, I'll be writing these strategy guides — one for each candidate, in a specific order. This one is about the guy who came in second place (in terms of delegate count) in real life: Senator Ted Cruz of Texas, a man who has been likened to an Alolan Raticate on KoopaTV. (This should explain his... low Beauty and Cute stats.)

Candidate Stats

Base stats and growth:
Beauty: 0 + (0–2)
Cool: 1 + (0–5)
Cute: 0 + (0–2)
Smart: 0 + (1–5)
Tough: 1 + (0–5)

Average untouched stats after 14 rounds:
Beauty: 14
Cool: 36
Cute: 14
Smart: 42
Tough: 36

Average likelihood of surviving Iowa if untouched:
Fairly likely. (Ted Cruz will have 13 delegates on average; need 11 to clear.)
The Wonderful 1237 Ted Cruz versus fight screen
“VERSUS... TED CRUZ!
Fight!”

Monday, April 3, 2017

KoopaTV's March 2017 Review Newsletter

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The Nintendo Switch has only been out for a month?

It seems like the Nintendo Switch has been with us for a long time now, right? But it's only been a month.

Well, it hasn't been with me at all since I don't have one, but at least one dude on the staff does. Regardless of us being the worst Nintendo site in the world for not going into a huge amount of depth of every aspect of Nintendo's new hardware release, we're still a fantastic website if you're not actually looking for that. Here's a few examples why:

Top 3 Recommended Articles of March 2017


Here are my top three recommended articles from the previous month, in chronological order. You'll want to read these... and the other ten articles published in March, because they're all worth reading.
  1. Console Launch? On a School Day? It’s More Likely Than You Think!
  2. The CIA's Assassination Attempt Against Waluigi
  3. JonTron and Yooka-Laylee: The Ends Versus The Means

Saturday, April 1, 2017

BREAKING NEWS: MOTHER 3 Virtual Console Release Imminent!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Coming out next week!

Oh man. Oh man. OH MAN. IT'S ALMOST HERE. IT'S FINALLY COMING. After way over a decade of waiting... MOTHER 3 will officially be arriving out of Japan in the way of Virtual Console releases!

Almost two years after I said the long-awaited cult game that's part of the MOTHER series (aka the EarthBound series), would be releasing “soon”, my very long overstretching of what “soon” means can come to an end. MOTHER 3 will be releasing NEXT WEEK! On your local Nintendo console's designated Nintendo eShop release day. This is according to several sources within Nintendo that KoopaTV has been in contact with. It's also supported by this new ESRB filing:

 MOTHER 3 ESRB rating information Wii U Nintendo Switch 2017 content descriptors
Look! Look! It's on the ESRB's website! It's coming, guys! All those Content Descriptors must've been what took so long.
(ESRB urls are notoriously unusable, so don't think anything of that one. You may need several searches to find it. Very finicky.)