I know I said I'm thoroughly uninterested in Super Mario Run as recently as last night's article, but I want everyone who reads KoopaTV to feel the same way.
Despite me saying “KoopaTV is...” instead of “I am...”, not everyone on KoopaTV is as against Super Mario Run as I am. That contrarian bird-brain RawkHawk2010 was telling me as recently as last night:
“you're being too hard on run.”And then proceeded to say that there is nothing gratifying about movement in the Super Mario Bros. series anyway, and he suggested “I say get rid of it all.” I asked if he meant the series altogether ('cause I'm fine with that), but he said manual movement.
It's true that moving around in the 2D Super Mario Bros. platformers isn't fun at all, unlike some of the fun acrobatic dashing feats you can do in games like Mega Man Zero. However, the solution to that isn't to take away movement. Rawk declared my desire to eliminate shoes to be very Miyamotian, but isn't his desire to eliminate manual movement also Miyamotian?
Games are all about control! You know what else is about control?
You'll always need to be connected to the Internet to play any mode of Super Mario Run, according to a Mashable interview with Shigeru Miyamoto.
That just about kills any appeal the game has, right? It's a totally single-player game, and Miyamoto is worried about piracy and hacking. This isn't Pokémon GO where the whole point of the game is network connectivity. This is a single-player auto-runner with the occasional ability to share worthless Kingdom dress-up images with friends. As I said, this is all about a disturbing amount of control and “security”, the same excuses and dangers that Microsoft was offering with the Xbox One when they had the always-online connection going on.
Shigeru Miyamoto suggested that they were considering having the story mode World Tour be playable without being connected to the Internet, but decided to screw it because of complications. And so... you're left with this.
|In Nintendo's latest Super Mario Run web advertisement, they're advertising LTE DATA on the right side. You'll need it.|
I suppose Nintendo figures that everyone is used to paying for all of this “data” stuff after the data-guzzling monster that was Pokémon GO, and they're aiming to make Super Mario Run as popular as Pokémon GO was at its peak. They gotta keep feeding the companies behind the data plans fresh hits! It makes you wonder what Nintendo's priorities are.
There are several forseeable circumstances where you'd want to be able to play a time-passing game like Super Mario Run but you wouldn't be able to have access to a stable Internet connection. These range from airplanes to subways to, as Nintendo just suggested, running through African savannas.
|From the same advertisement as the previous screenshot. I assume since it's in the ad, this is Nintendo's target audience?|
...Hey, it looks like they're putting more giraffes into media!
If you're NOT in those situations, I'm sure you can find better things to do with your time than play Super Mario Run. Maybe you could bring your Nintendo 3DS. If you really need to play with JUST ONE HAND, there are plenty of Nintendo 3DS games you can just poke with a stylus. One such game is Pocket Card Jockey!
In the near future, you'll also be able to bring around your Nintendo Switch, though I'm not sure how portable it'll actually be. (That is, it doesn't seem like something you'd put in your pocket.) What if... Miyamoto is inspired by Nintendo's mobile misadventures, and Nintendo Switch games will require an always-online connection? ...Nah, that's not gonna happen. Miyamoto said in the Mashable interview, “Unlike our dedicated game devices, the game is not releasing in a limited number of countries.” It's not explained why the country amount is relevant, but the important part is that there is a distinction being made between the dedicated game devices and mobile devices, and whatever that distinction is, means that the always-online curse should stay away from said dedicated game devices.
I, for one, wouldn't be able to have played my 3DS in a company bathroom today if it had to be connected to the Internet! It's moments like that, that make the 3DS a valuable device, which would have its usefulness cut if it always had to be online. One cannot truly be a portable device if one does not work everywhere!
By the way, Miyamoto said that “virtually everyone” has a smartphone, and that prospect excites him. ...Speak for yourself.
Ludwig doesn't own a smartphone, and he's directly bashed mobile gaming in three out of five articles this week. He's obviously bothered by its proliferation. Fun fact: He actually declined receiving a smartphone as a gift, and if he receives one for his birthday this December 13th, he'll return it.
And now Super Mario Run is out and at the top of the download chart.