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Friday, December 30, 2016

Gamers and Significant Others

By SHINYGIRAFARIG - You don't need to force your significant other to play video games. It is acceptable to have someone who will accept your hobbies if you want to be happy.

I recently celebrated the three-year anniversary of my marriage.

I would say my husband and I have similar tastes in things. That does not mean we experience them in the same exact way.


We got a Wii U to experience simultaneous co-op play. I wanted a way to spend time with my husband and enjoy it. I already played games that have co-op on the Wii such as Donkey Kong Country Returns and I wanted new experiences, which is why we got a Wii U rather than just replaying games on the Wii. Little did I know how much anguish it caused both of us.

Let's just say on the casual to hardcore gamer skill scale, my husband is very casual while I am more hardcore.

Our gameplay styles really clashed. It was tiresome because I am well-adapted to these kinds of games to have to tell my husband what to do every single segment of the game. I wanted to enjoy the game together with him, not be a babysitter in-game. I refuse to be the stereotypical wife in sitcoms who nags all the time and I pretty much became just that. These co-op sessions turned me into one. It was “do this, do that!”

Thursday, December 29, 2016

Nintendo Laying Down The LAW On Fan Games!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Of course, included is my opinion on these games. And our own.

We are hot off the release of KoopaTV's free, Flash-based videogame for 2016, The Wonderful 1237. It's great and you should do more than merely check it out.

Others also tried to release games around this time (or before)... but unfortunately for them, they weren't able to keep their game published — or even finish them. These include September's losses of Another Metroid 2 Remake and Pokémon Uranium, and December's loss of Pokémon Prism mere days before the release of The Wonderful 1237. The former two were going to be two of four nominees for (the disastrous waste of time known as) The Game Awards 2016 for “best fan game”, if that means anything to anyone.

It doesn't to me.

So, what happened? Nintendo owns intellectual property that those games’ developers used without obtaining a license or permission from Nintendo to do so, and Nintendo clamped down and Digital Millennium Copyright Acted (DMCA) them out of existence, including their nominations for The Game Awards (which Nintendo sponsored for some terrible reason). Nintendo is very protective of their property, and when infringers of that property live in civilised countries (such as: not China), they can legally take action.

The key word there is “can”. They have a choice. They could overlook the violation like CAPCOM has been doing after I alerted their legal team about NeoGAF selling shirts (FOR PROFIT!) based on the Ace Attorney OBJECTION! or even encourage and get behind fan works like I said CAPCOM USA does; or get a game taken off the marketplace entirely, like the creator of the troll face did for Meme Run and Ninja Pig Studios. What's the right thing to do?

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Almost-Christmas Murder Cases Stun Los Angeles!

By ROXY - Perfect prosecutor is the culprit of a 15-year old case?!?

(LOS ANGELES, California) The entire legal world is reeling today after an explosive three-day trial in the Los Angeles District Court Courtroom Number 3 that covered and resolved two cases. The Defense Attorney, Mr. Phoenix Wright, is a rookie who only otherwise had three trials under his belt. The defendant in both cases was controversy-mired prosecutor Miles Edgeworth, and the prosecutor was Manfred von Karma, a prosecutor with a forty-year long perfect win streak.

Miles Edgeworth was accused of murdering former defense attorney Robert Hammond, the presiding defense attorney over the 15-year-old DL-6 Incident, which had Mr. Edgeworth's own father, defense attorney Gregory Edgeworth, as the victim. The DL-6 Incident, up til today, was unresolved; court bailiff Yanni Yogi, the suspect in that incident, was judged Not Guilty due to temporary insanity.

Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney Miles Edgeworth Robert Hammond Turnabout Goodbyes boat jacket shocked shot murderer
Miles Edgeworth immediately after Robert Hammond's death.

The DL-6 Incident involved Gregory Edgeworth, Yanni Yogi, and Miles Edgeworth trapped in a courtroom elevator for hours due to an outage caused by an earthquake, right after Gregory Edgeworth lost a case to Manfred von Karma; but not before giving Mr. von Karma his only penalty of his career. Gregory Edgeworth was shot in that elevator, and the legal system has believed for 15 years that the shooter was an oxygen-deprived Yanni Yogi. However, as revealed today in court, Miles Edgeworth has personally believed for 15 years that he was the shooter of his own father.

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

The Wonderful 1237's Advertisement Video!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The trailer for THE game to close out the 2015–2016 presidential season.

Go play The Wonderful 1237. That's the message I want you all to get from... DRUM ROLL PLEASE...

The official advertisement video for The Wonderful 1237! It's made from the game engine (meaning, Scratch's Record Video feature). It's the real graphics!

Sure, Bravura Blaze, Donald Trump, and Sergei Goldwitz never appear on-screen all at once like they do in the thumbnail (which is a great thumbnail), but the graphics are real even if the scenario isn't. 


Video script:

Recall that seventeen Republicans ran for their party's nomination.
Contentious contest; divisive result.

What's one more candidate to add to the mix? It's time for YOU to enter and remake history, and win at least 1237 delegates!

Run your campaign the way YOU want to! Fund-raise with donors! Hold rallies in primary states! Trash your opponents with negative ads!
Earn drop-outs' endorsements with seventeen unique minigames!

The Wonderful 1237!

Made by KoopaTV dot org!


Just to get it through your heads: The Wonderful 1237 is a very big deal for KoopaTV. Speaking of videos, anticipate some KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program stuff relating to The Wonderful 1237 when Round 12 starts. Get the most out of Round 11 before it ends at the end of this week! Also, there is now a fledgling entry for The Wonderful 1237 on TV Tropes.

Monday, December 26, 2016

CAPCOM's Nintendo Winter 2016 Sale

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Featuring Ace Attorney. And some other stuff too, but who cares about that? (...Well, you might.)

I asked a month ago if the era of CAPCOM-sponsored Ace Attorney Nintendo eShop sales was over, ‘cause there weren't any for Black Friday.

The sole purpose of this article is to tell you... “No.”

CAPCOM Winter Sale 2016 Nintendo 3DS Wii U eShop
Sale from December 22 to January 4.

There isn't a better time to get into the Ace Attorney franchise, which is of course all I care about. Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney — Dual Destinies is 60% off. Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy is 50% off. We're used to massive discounts for those. However, four months ago I said the most these have ever been discounted were 60% off and 45% off, respectively. It's a tie for Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney — Dual Destinies, and a NEW RECORD for Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy.

Friday, December 23, 2016

Breaking! The Wonderful 1237 Is Released: Play it Right Here!

By ROXY - The Wonderful 1237 is a game-changer. Experience it for yourself exclusively on KoopaTV!

This is Roxy, with KoopaTV! Development of The Wonderful 1237 has just closed, and we have all of the results!

What is The Wonderful 1237, you may ask? It's KoopaTV's exclusive flash-based keyboard-and-mouse video game released for 2016, based on the 2015–2016 Republican presidential primaries. The Wonderful 1237 can be described as a satirical strategy simulation game, but it's so much more than that.

If you were unhappy with the Republican nominee for president who ultimately won the general election, or you're interested in a light strategy game that not only pokes fun at the real-life process but is also a deep critique at every level, The Wonderful 1237 may be your kind of experience!

We have it embedded immediately below, exclusively on www.koopatv.org: 

Thursday, December 22, 2016

We're Hiring Roxy, With KoopaTV!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - KoopaTV's very own trained and qualified journalist.

With all of the emphasis that KoopaTV has been putting on bashing the news media, with its ridiculous false-reporting of just about every issue, it's come to our attention that there are people out there who actually believe KoopaTV is a trustworthy source of news.

After all, it's been my policy (and I'm the one that does the vast majority of the writing around here) to only do commentary on things that are actually happening in the news. With the advent of both mainstream media and alternative media sources engaging in so-called “fake news”, people are relying on my judgment not only to know how to think, but what the basic things that are occurring even are.

You guys don't have to rely on me, you know. I want to empower you to be able to decipher things for yourselves, which is why I wrote this comprehensive guide on how to read and interpret news stories as a tool for you to use to develop skills for yourself.

Yet, since the market demands it, KoopaTV has just made another new hire! We'd like to introduce you to Roxy.

Roxy avatar KoopaTV Pokémon Diamond Pearl Platinum interviewer
Roxy's 65x65 avatar.

Roxy brings some much-unneeded diversity to the KoopaTV staff. She is the first human to ever be a KoopaTV staff member, for instance, and she also happens to be female. Roxy has a Bachelor's degree in Journalism with a minor in Philosophy from Fourah Bay College.

In short, she was unemployed and didn't seem to have any prospects. She applied to KoopaTV and flat-out told us that she's willing to supply some content for us, but most of her time will be looking for a “real job” that “actually pays.” I admired her truth & levity, so here she is on our staff.

Roxy will be doing... news stuff. I'm not entirely sure what that will involve, or what her gaming experience actually is. I kinda forgot to ask her in the interview.

Roxy KoopaTV reporting The Wonderful 1237 Pokémon Pearl Platinum Diamond
Roxy reporting in front of the KoopaTV green screen. (Unfortunately, we can only afford a white-painted wall.)

It looks like she's going to drop an absolutely massive news story tomorrow, though. If all goes well, she will go down forever in KoopaTV history. (In a good way.)


Say hello to Roxy. KoopaTV will be sure to relay your greetings or whatever to her. Hopefully, she will only deal with the realest of real news!


If you would like to apply to KoopaTV as well, click here for what that involves! Roxy elected for the “None of these quite fit your skills?” option.
It turns out that Roxy, and that picture of her in front of the white-painted wall, are from KoopaTV's new videogame, The Wonderful 1237!

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

The Nintendo Badge Arcade-Swapdoodle Microtransaction Conspiracy!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Microtransactions in one application benefit you in another!

Maybe I should've seen this coming. While Nintendo is being bashed by analysts for having its iOS application Super Mario Run be a one-time payment with no microtransactions, it is committing heinous microtransaction actions on its dedicated gaming handheld, the Nintendo 3DS. Between Nintendo Badge Arcade's gambling-esque wagering and dollar-feeding, and basic communication features in Swapdoodle being hidden behind payments, Nintendo has their gaming ecosystems mixed up. Sucking people dry of their money dollars at a time is for mobile, and one-time stuff is for dedicated gaming systems. I thought they would get it right.

This kind of payment system is enough to get me to never touch games. According to my 3DS Activity Log, I haven't played Pokémon Shuffle since September 13, 2015. I haven't played Nintendo Badge Arcade since April 29th, 2016, and I still intend to not open that accursed addictive annoyance again. Meanwhile, I fully intend to keep using Swapdoodle, and I also hope I keep receiving notes from all of y'all. Though, I'm already at 99/300 notes...

Sadly, Nintendo is trying to have Nintendo Badge Arcade and Swapdoodle funnel funds into one another:

Swapdoodle Nintendo Badge Arcade Nikki stickers notes
Spending money in Nintendo Badge Arcade benefits you in Swapdoodle! You can use the badges you win in your doodles!

I've shut off notifications for Nintendo Badge Arcade, but here it is, haunting me. The casino loyalty goons are after me no matter what I do! I DON'T WANT TO BE AN ADDICT. Yet...

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

My Wii U GamePad's Battery Life Is Pissing Me Off!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - My GamePad is basically on indefinite life support.

As the Wii U itself is basically seeing its life flash before its eyes, maybe I should feel bad about trashing any aspect of it right now. After all, Nintendo's less-than-normal-lifespan console is clearly too weak to defend itself.

Yet this has been bothering me for years, and it's noticeably been getting worse and worse. My Wii U GamePad basically has a lifespan of about half an hour at this point. It has less energy than JEB! Bush. It used to be an hour a few weeks ago, and when I got it over three and a half years ago it had a normal battery life.

According to Nintendo, the normal battery life for a Wii U GamePad is supposed to last 3–5 hours:

How Long Will the Wii U GamePad Remain Charged Nintendo support article
Here is the source article.

That's already abysmal, and now I'm at an extremely small fraction of that. It basically turns the GamePad into a wired controller, since it needs to constantly be recharging. That's definitely a problem, since one of the selling points of the GamePad was that it's wireless. That's an even bigger selling point for the Nintendo Switch, and if that thing doesn't have an amazing battery life, then it's going to be a complete failure.

Let's talk more about my GamePad, though. Maybe we can talk about yours, too. So, here's how my Wii U GamePad lives:

Monday, December 19, 2016

The Game Industry's Diversity Problem: A MYTH!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - What people think when they tout diversity isn't helpful.

Back at around September of this year, the International Game Developers Association released a Diversity in the Game Industry Report taken from data from their Developer Satisfaction Survey 2014 & 2015. The big takeaway from it, according to Gamasutra's Bryant Francis, was the large pay gap between males and females, and white people vs. everyone else.

As the report notes, the majority of people they asked and got responses from are from the United States, with notable responses also from Canada and the United Kingdom. (The Developer Satisfaction Survey 2015 got 2,928 valid responses.) The majority of those that answered are white Millennial males. Other than the share of whites (76%) and males (75%), the sample size of every other group they've divided people to is way too small to make conclusions with. So I won't bother to dissect the wages part of the report, other than to say that it lumps people together based on gender/ethnic group and not role or specialty in the company. It also assumes that everyone would even WANT to do the same role or specialty at equal rates, and that what is preventing equality in outcome is some kind of systemic “-ism”.

The Diversity section and employee attitudes towards it starts at page 23, starting with a question on the importance of diversity, and then questions about equal treatment and whatever. It's sorta interesting.

Friday, December 16, 2016

What happened to Mario Sports Superstars and Pikmin 3DS?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Do people still remember these are releasing?

Up until a few hours ago, I pretty much forgot that Mario Sports Superstars and the 2D sidescrolling Pikmin game coming out for the Nintendo 3DS are even existing.

This article existing isn't saying that there is actually anything new about either of these titles since we heard about them for the first (and only) time at the September 1, 2016 Nintendo Direct. That was only three and a half months ago, but I don't even REMEMBER it happening, quite frankly.


Nintendo 3DS Launch Schedule as of October 2016 United States
Mario Sports Superstars is scheduled for Spring 2017.
No one knows when that Pikmin game will exist, just 2017.
Source: The October release schedule.

They announced Mario Sports Superstars at the end of that Direct, and then the Pikmin game right after, as the final content of the video.

I guess one reason there isn't much discussion or even recognition of either of these is because they're both weird spin-offs that we don't know much about. Fair point. But we do know that Mario Sports Superstars has five full-fledged sports in baseball, soccer, tennis, golf, and horse-racing. The one statement of feedback about it came from Rawk, which was “I kind of want this. [...]  Mario Sports Superstars was my favorite thing showed.”

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Super Mario Run Released; Sprinted Up Sales Chart

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Hopefully this is the last mobile-related article of the year.

Today is December 15, and as I wrote before, that means the most relevant thing to talk about today is Super Mario Run's release. Due to its free-to-purchase-but-you-need-to-spend-money-to-be-relevant nature, it has already made its way to the top of Apple's most-downloaded apps list. I never contested that's what would happen.

What I do contest is how long people will want to keep doing anything with it. Miitomo collapsed. So has Pokémon GO's user base, and no Johto update will fix that. (Its audience will wonder what the hell a Johto even is.) Take a look at the results of this series of GameFAQs user polls:

Pokémon GO GameFAQs polls of the day playrate Pokemon still playing popularity
Sources: 7/13/2016 Poll of the Day.
7/23/2016 Poll of the Day.
8/06/2016 Poll of the Day.
12/13/2016 Poll of the Day.

While anyone who knows GameFAQs knows that its userbase doesn't traditionally appreciate mobile gaming, right after Pokémon GO's release all of the Pokémon-related boards on its forum became the most popular, even for really old games from generations ago.

Of course, Super Mario Run is different than those other Nintendo games on mobile platforms, though Nintendo has directly made making Super Mario Run as popular as Pokémon GO its goal. It's a one-time payment, unlike Pokémon GO and Miitomo which continually try to extract micro-transactions. I don't know enough about the mobile market to make a determination about whether that's better or worse for sustained activity, but I do know that the game is going to be relying on people playing its 24 levels over and over arcade-style, with people sharing their non-hacked (thanks to its always-online requirement) scores with their friends in the Toad Rally mode.

I don't have anything else to say about Super Mario Run I haven't already written about, so I'll just nitpick its iTunes Store page. That's my idea of riveting content.

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Grand Theft Auto IV Just Got Patched

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - No, that's not a typo. For the first time in six years!

According to what “universal acclaim” means, everyone out there is a fan of the eight-year-old Grand Theft Auto IV. Sure, WE haven't mentioned it at all on this site, but that doesn't discount how everyone loves the game without a doubt.

Well, unless you were trying to play it on a PC for the past couple of years. Then you might not have even been able to play it.

Grand Theft Auto IV Steam Powered user reviews PC version
Taken from Grand Theft Auto IV's page on Steam. Note the user reviews.

I guess it's a testament to the game that even though it was reportedly unplayable, it still got mixed reviews. I mean, it could've gotten much worse, right? Grand Theft Auto IV was always fine if you were on a Windows 7 (and had appropriate system requirements), but it was never future-proofed. It's finally been available for the present a couple of weeks ago, where it was patched to be usable for Windows 8, 8.1, and Windows 10! This was the first patch since 2010, and obviously the first patch done since Grand Theft Auto V was released years later in 2013. (Which I said was going to ruin the industry, and I don't think I was wrong in my message.)

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

My Nintendo's JUST FOR YOU Birthday Offer

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - My Nintendo has been underwhelming in general.

Let me first say that today, December 13, is one of my least favourite days of the annual cycle. It's down there with Tax Day (April 15) and Daylight Savings Time (second Sunday of March). That's not just a weird opinion I'm having just to be contrarian for a KoopaTV opinion — I've been saying that offline and online for some time now. I'm just in total AGONY this whole day.

December 13 happens to be my birthday. (And December 13 is also site-inspiration Herman Cain's birthday.) In recognition of that, the good ol' folks at Nintendo are giving me a special JUST FOR YOU offer for their My Nintendo service: 30% off a select digital game*!

Nintendo of America happy birthday e-mail Mario claim your coupon 30% just for you offer
Ugh, like the likes of MARIO would ever wish me a Happy Birthday.

Am I even gonna use it? Probably not. I haven't exactly been using My Nintendo at all. The only way my coin/point count is going down is not because I'm redeeming their deals, but because the points are expiring. I've had 1380 Platinum Points expire, with another 480 set to expire at the end of this month. There's just nothing interesting to use them for.

Monday, December 12, 2016

Ludwig's Fort Cobalt Review! (Paper Mario: Color Splash)

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Was Ludwig's experience as the Blue Big Paint Star guardian a positive one? (Spoilers about that, obviously.)

I have recently had a phenomenal experience as the boss of Fort Cobalt. You might have experienced it for yourself if you've played Paper Mario: Color Splash, but I, of course, have my own unique perspective that you won't hear about anywhere else. You might've experienced it from that dimwit illiterate supervillain named Mario — but with the power of Internet blogging, you can learn the true heroics of your favourite prince of Koopa Kingdom, LUDWIG VON KOOPA!

Ludwig Von Koopa Paper Mario Color Splash Fort Cobalt boss battle fight introduction title card
I'm the hero of this adventure. I spend my days tinkering secret weapons, looking at surveillance footage, and taking care of my hair.

I'm going to go over each part of the adventure in detail. The graphics, gameplay, music, story, characters, replay value, and more! As you would expect from any review. Let's start with what I'm most proud of: The music!

I believe music to be a very important part of any experience, especially as someone who is trying to orchestrate the destruction of other people. So, throughout this review, feel free to listen to the theme of Fort Cobalt:


I have my own theme, of course, but I won't embed it in case you want it to be a surprise. I will, however, give you a track listing. They're all excellent songs, reflecting my own brilliance. You see, I composed them while I was waiting for Mario to show up:

Friday, December 9, 2016

Super Mario Run is Super-Mario-Tethered to Always-Online Connection

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I TOLD you it'll be a disaster.

I know I said I'm thoroughly uninterested in Super Mario Run as recently as last night's article, but I want everyone who reads KoopaTV to feel the same way.

Despite me saying “KoopaTV is...” instead of “I am...”, not everyone on KoopaTV is as against Super Mario Run as I am. That contrarian bird-brain RawkHawk2010 was telling me as recently as last night:
you're being too hard on run.”
And then proceeded to say that there is nothing gratifying about movement in the Super Mario Bros. series anyway, and he suggested “I say get rid of it all.” I asked if he meant the series altogether ('cause I'm fine with that), but he said manual movement.

It's true that moving around in the 2D Super Mario Bros. platformers isn't fun at all, unlike some of the fun acrobatic dashing feats you can do in games like Mega Man Zero. However, the solution to that isn't to take away movement. Rawk declared my desire to eliminate shoes to be very Miyamotian, but isn't his desire to eliminate manual movement also Miyamotian?

Games are all about control! You know what else is about control?

You'll always need to be connected to the Internet to play any mode of Super Mario Run, according to a Mashable interview with Shigeru Miyamoto.

Thursday, December 8, 2016

Jimmy Fallon Debuted the Nintendo Switch?!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - They made us think it'd just be a Super Mario Run promotion.

Last night, Nintendo of America president Reggie Fils-Aime appeared on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon. Nintendo makes appearances on Fallon's show somewhat frequently to show new stuff. I'm sure Rawk remembers to this day when they went to his show to showcase Donkey Kong Country Returns back in 2010!

They made it seem like the new stuff for Nintendo's appearance would be all about Super Mario Run, a mobile trash game that KoopaTV is thoroughly uninterested in. (Well, I've written four articles on it already, but they're all critical of it! ...And linked in the related articles section at the bottom of this one.) So... I didn't care to watch it and wasn't planning to.

Shigeru Miyamoto thumbs down Tonight Show Jimmy Fallon Super Mario Run Bill Trinen
Catch a look at Super Mario Run? No thanks.

But... it turns out that they spent only half of their time on Super Mario Run. The other half? An in-person (for Fallon, anyway) demo of the Nintendo Switch!

What?!? THAT wasn't announced at all, yet here it is:

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Shoes/Boots and Their Roles in Nintendo Games

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - An article on footwear.

Have you heard about the collaboration between Nintendo and shoes manufacturer Vans? Nintendo has licensed their 8-bit artwork and themes to Vans to inspire a new line of shoes, backpacks, and vomiting women.

Woman girl vomits barfs projectile into Mushroom Kingdom warp pipe wearing Vans Nintendo shoes sneakers
I hope the plumber goes into that warp pipe!

...Okay, I edited the vomit in. But I don't know why Vans had that original image at all. (It's not there anymore, but it WAS a placeholder. Notice she's wearing the shoes.)

These shoes are massively overpriced, by the way. They don't even look all that good. But many people seem to love them. They were selling quite a tad, and I hear all sorts of people talking about how they want them. Weird, right? Now even athletes are wearing Nintendo-themed cleats on the field.

So, why shoes? Well, it turns out that footwear has a long history with Nintendo, and shoes are actually integral to their games. I'll go over examples how, and then my thoughts about...shoes. Yup. At the end. 

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Hour of Code 2016, and Justin Trudeau's Bad Breakout

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Breakout... the game. Well, the balls are everywhere like they're zits, too.

While we're not fans of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau (both from a political standpoint, and because of geopolitical tension), we are fans of initiatives such as code.org's Hour of Code, which is an annual event being held this week. Code.org is primarily focused on the United States, but, hey, Canada can join in, too.

So when Canada's prime minister makes...a game... of some sort... to promote the Hour of Code, well, the world pays attention, and Gamasutra writes a short article about it. (But they're silent when the prince of Koopa Kingdom makes games...)

Justin Trudeau Hour of Code code.org hockey breakout twitter tweet
See the tweets for yourself here.

Coding is easy, eh? The kids taught him, eh? CHECK OUT THE GAME HE MADE, EH? EH? EHHHH? (...I put all of those “eh”s in there BEFORE I realised I was talking about a Canadian, just saying.) Fine. I will.

Monday, December 5, 2016

CAPCOM Shipping Apollo Justice to Apple; Not on Nintendo

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - ...Oh, and it'll be on Android this week, too.

Last week, on December 1st, CAPCOM released Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney on Apple iOS systems. I waited to see if it would show up on a Nintendo Virtual Console platform that week, but no, we only get Advance Wars: Dual Strike. Pft!

I got upset over two years ago when CAPCOM ported Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney — Dual Destinies to Apple, but I also realised the business conditions that Nintendo set out for its digital marketplace forced CAPCOM to make that decision.

But it wasn't just me being upset. I shared a lot of user reviews about how much people hated Dual Destinies on the iOS, and I painted that as a picture for just how bad the business conditions on Apple's digital storefront is. So bad, that they may even be worse than Nintendo's, which very recently finally fixed (indirectly, but good enough) the long-standing problem of not treating M-rated games on the Nintendo eShop the same way M-rated games are treated in brick-and-mortar retail stores.

Well, it's not like things have gotten any better with Apple between now and then, though Nintendo has blessed the Apple platform with their horrendous Super Mario Run. There's really nothing appealing with Apple and its close-minded platform, and Apple's ecosystem is filled with consumers who think the following way about the recent HIGH-DEFINITION remaster of Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney:

Friday, December 2, 2016

KoopaTV's Live Reactions to The Game Awards 2016!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Spoilers: It's terrible, and we're asleep at the end.

Every year in early December, that thug Geoff Keighley hosts some kind of award show for the videogame industry, and the major gaming companies always sponsor it. It's always awful. Yet, without fail, KoopaTV has been live reacting to it since our own inception. Why? WHY DO WE KEEP DOING THIS TO OURSELVES?

The Game Awards 2016 content warning offensive viewer discretion is advised
The following program DID contain content that some viewers found offensive.
Viewer discretion is highly recommended, and I wish we had some.

This year, the only two staffers masochistic enough to sit around for it were myself, in this live reaction log as Nintendork 13 13, and RawkHawk2010, in this live reaction log as RawkHawk2010. Well, here we go, I guess. Read our reactions below:

Thursday, December 1, 2016

KoopaTV's November 2016 Review Newsletter

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Inside: A new mini-contest where you can win a $10 Nintendo eShop code!

Eh, I dunno how it's December already. Weird.

Even if the month of November just disappeared, it was really important. So, first headline in our November review:

Hillary Clinton Lost, So KoopaTV Continues


The first headline in last month's review newsletter was that if Hillary Clinton became president, KoopaTV would end. Thanks to YOU, she failed in her ambitions. As long as this idiotic recount thing fronted by Jill Stein doesn't yield any election-overturning results, we're clear! Yay!

Top 5 Recommended Articles of November 2016


Every KoopaTV article is worth reading, and November was this interesting flurry of unplanned content that we had to cover. This put us into some very interesting situations, so here's our top five articles for you to read in chronological order:

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Capture the Confederate Flag Strategy Guide Part 3: Boss Rush!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - You thought returning the flags to every capital was the final step? You gotta defend them.

You have learned the basics of what it takes to succeed in KoopaTV's in-house flash game, Capture the Confederate Flag. You then learned the peculiar attributes of each unique state in the fully-explorable, interconnected world of the Southern United States.

You have evolved from a Lillipup to a Herdier to a Stoutland. However, Robert E. Stoutland's job is not over yet. You may have bested Hillary Clinton's devious scheme to keep the Confederate Flags locked away in the Washington D.C. museum, but one man has returned from the grave to undo all of your hard work, and subjugate the South forever.

Abraham Lincoln!

Abraham Lincoln summons his own Pokémon, his Braviary, to eliminate the threat of Southern pride once and for all. However, Robert E. Stoutland has his own Pokémon to ride: Metagross!

What follows is an epic battle taking place in every state in Capture the Confederate Flag, ultimately ending in some place that doesn't even seem to be on this Earth. Somewhere that's missed G-d's grace. We'll get to that at the end of this guide, but first, you must survive this boss rush! We'll tell you what new tricks Braviary learns in every state, and how to handle them. And, unlike the last guide, this part of the game is totally linear. That means the order of the states is scripted.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

The Vision for Nintendo at Universal Theme Parks

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Featuring creeper Mario.

The fact that Nintendo and Universal Parks & Resorts were teaming up has been known for a while, though it was not mentioned on KoopaTV. However, we now know a little bit more than just the fact. We have a new press release to analyse with some details, and an official video featuring Universal's Mark Woodbury and Nintendo's Shigeru Miyamoto for people too lazy to read things (so, for those people who think KoopaTV is about television):



If you happen to live near Universal Orlando, Universal Hollywood, or Universal Osaka — or have the means to go vacation near those places — looks like you're in for a great treat with a lot of loving care put into it. ...In the span of “over the next several years”, but that's to be expected, isn't it? The main highlight here is an all-ages (which should be great for even the youngest among us who want to get into Nintendo, right?), highly interactive Nintendo world, with plenty of square footage to explore! And, unlike another attempt to bring a Nintendo experience to life (that hasn't actually happened yet), you're welcome to take plenty of photographs AND share them, so you can cherish the memories forever!

Monday, November 28, 2016

Ludwig's Second Miiverse Ban

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - WHY THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN, and more!

One of the problems with being recognised as a criminal/terrorist outside of Koopa Kingdom is that everyone wants to get rid of you and shut you down. Of course, within Koopa Kingdom, I'm a freedom fighter or whatever, and taunting, kidnapping, and sometimes killing human scum is a great deed. Unfortunately for my Miiverse account at NNID PrinceOfKoopas, Nintendo is based way outside of Koopa Kingdom. Like, not even the same universe.

You have been banned from writing messages and community posts for two weeks due to a violation of the Miiverse Code of Conduct
YOU HAVE BEEN BANNED FROM MIIVERSE.
And obviously, that's referring to me.
 
So, I've been banned from Miiverse, again. I'll be back December 11. It's been a long time since I've gotten a violation, and a really, really long time since I've gotten banned. It took a year and a half, but the Miiverse console ban policy is finally kicking in for me — after I defended it. Not that I had other NNIDs, anyway.

So what did I do to set the admins off? First, let's review the Miiverse violations since my first ban, because those might've factored in as well:

Friday, November 25, 2016

Nintendo's Cyber Deals for Cyber Monday

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - They also extend past Monday, and the shipping is INSTANT.

It's always been in my mind that Nintendo and “Black Friday deal” don't go together, and I think regardless of the contents of this article, that's still largely true. It's just not the same as getting a new microwave (which we need and don't have — and burning things with fire breath doesn't count as microwaving, as we've quickly come to realise in the Koopa household).

...That said, Nintendo is offering these deals until December 5th, giving you plenty of time to figure out if you want up to 50% off on certain games. Games getting the full 50%-off treatment range from Mighty No. 9 (lol) to the excellent Zero's Escape: Virtue's Last Reward. There's also Mega Man Legacy Collection; which is one cent cheaper on the 3DS eShop that competing systems, AND for a longer period of time. Thanks, CAPCOM!


Mega Man Legacy Collection Cyber Monday sales prices Capcom Unity Nintendo 3DS eShop PlayStation Network
Source: Capcom Unity's Capcom Holiday Savings post.
Note the Mega Man Legacy Collection prices.

I don't plan to buy anything Nintendo-related this weekend, and I already have Pokémon Moon somewhere in the Paratroopa-ran postal service. I still haven't even played Zero Escape: Zero Time Dilemma (30% off, from $39.99 to $27.99)!

Thursday, November 24, 2016

Things to be Thankful for Thanksgiving 2016

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Things are going swell. Thanks!

Most of our audience today will be celebrating the Thanksgiving holiday. Well, thank G-d for the many blessings that have happened recently, and in 2016 as a whole.

Now, obviously I can't and won't speak for your individual lives, and I'm sure you don't need some royal dude over in another universe to get you to reflect on your own experiences. But since I have nothing better to write about (and no one's going to expect heavy-hitting commentary today anyway), I might as well speak from my own heart, however small and black it is.

I'm thankful for having great friends, family, and readers. (“I like attention.”) We've all gone through a lot together, from my family having to contend with the Zika virus and escaping Rio de Janeiro, to all of the behind-the-scenes faith-testing moments that you don't see and we don't want to tell you about. But they exist, and one JUST happened.

On that note, if you observe any broken YouTube embedded videos across the site, let us know. (More on that next week in the Review Newsletter.) Just saying. We'll be greatly thankful. We have a great bunch of readers, and we love when you move from the realm of reader to a participator and contributor, or as I wrote on the KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program page, a player. Just yesterday we published a guest article that had a perspective that none of our staff would be able to pull off!

...Okay, are the kids gone now? Let's just come out with it: I'm REALLY thankful that Donald J. Trump is now president-elect of the United States. Great job, America! As I wrote about before, this really validates everything we've been talking about on the site, and how we talk about it. We would've had to end this site (and most of my attention) otherwise.

There's rumours and misreporting (as usual) from the media about Donald Trump turning his back on  his supporters. Fortunately, I just published a guide on how to handle yourself in a sea of bad information put out there by organisations that exist not to give you the facts, but to brainwash you under a false guise of objectivity. Since Mr. Trump was KoopaTV's first-ever successful presidential endorsement, we feel like we will be partially to blame for whatever successes or failures he does with your country, the United States. I don't plan to run away from that, and in-between gaming commentary, we'll be honest with you and we'll be holding the Trump administration accountable. Based on what he actually does and doesn't do. Parsing words at this point doesn't do anyone any good.


Of course, KoopaTV will continue to parse words for its usual daily commentaries on gaming and whatever!


Ludwig is practising on how to be that figurative uncle who brings up politics at Thanksgiving dinner and causes fights. Fortunately, no one's going to be disagreeing with the point in the Koopa household. Still, you should be careful out there, and have a happy Thanksgiving!


KoopaTV published a staffer-driven what-we-are-thankful-for in 2014 for Thanksgiving.
Last year's Thanksgiving article was more substantive and about employees during Thanksgiving.
Donald Trump was inaugurated and is now the president!

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Nintendo Considers Itself a Family Friendly Company, But How About Catering to People Who Want to Start New Families?

By SHINYGIRAFARIG - THE BABY!

When it comes to the term “family-friendly” or the like, I think of things safe for children that parents won't really complain about, like watching movies from Disney. Nintendo tried to engage the family a bit more with the Wii, with games such as Wii Sports; and then attempted the same engagement with Nintendo Land for the Wii U so parents can play together with their children. However, Nintendo was losing customers quickly so at the end they really only catered more to individual buyers again like in the GameCube days and before. Despite that, these individuals are moving towards other video game companies and fast. Nintendo is really trying to retain those who grew up with Nintendo and who consider themselves hardcore Nintendo fans, but even they are starting to get tired of Nintendo's antics and leaving Nintendo behind. So what is Nintendo to do when their potential customers are dropping out?
 
Why not try the family friendly approach again, but this time have potential new fans be introduced from the cradle and maybe even before birth?
Bigger than Ridley maternity pregnancy shirt
I commissioned an artist for the shirt image and used Zazzle.com to use the image on a maternity shirt.
This is me at seven months pregnant.

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

How To Be A Good Consumer of Media

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - With all of the bad sources and articles out there, how do you know what to trust?

It has become a very prominent mainstream concern: How do I know what sources to look at? How do I know if I should trust this article or this author? I get asked this, and KoopaTV has dealt with the issue many times over when we write about bad media sources and particularly bad reporting.

For over two years now, we've maintained a list of good and bad media sources. It's not only for our own use in finding things to commentate on, but since we've made it public, it's for the benefit of our readers. It's one of the more popular pages on KoopaTV (and surely not for the affiliates part of it, considering how few of those we have). However, we simply can't make it exhaustive. Not every bad source is on there, and not every good source is on there.

Now we're at this point of mainstream controversy where certain sore people out there are blaming “fake news” sites shared on social media (not KoopaTV, given how anti-viral the social media ecosystem is towards us) for influencing the presidential election. Everyone is scared of being mislead.

Good! So you're hopefully reading this because you're wondering how to be skeptical. Well, just yesterday, KoopaTV published an article called Trump Transition Team Considering Reggie Fils-Aime?!. This article exists to serve as a test case. Oh, and it was REALLY fun to write. Well, using that, this article will serve as a guide on how to be a good consumer of media.

Monday, November 21, 2016

Trump Transition Team Considering Reggie Fils-Aime?!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Will Reggie leave Nintendo of America to make America — no matter one's console — great again?

Current Nintendo Executive Officer Reginald “Reggie” Fils-Aime, and the Donald Trump presidential transition team are discussing a role for Mr. Fils-Aime within the President-elect Donald John Trump administration, say sources with knowledge of the interactions. According to these sources, speaking exclusively with KoopaTV under the condition of anonymity, Mr. Fils-Aime is seeking a position within the White House or United States government for one of:
  • Federal Communications Commission
  • Inter-American Tropical Tuna Commission
  • National Science Foundation
  • Pacific Salmon Commission
Mr. Fils-Aime purports to have a wide variety of talents and passions, ranging from his current job's exposure to the unique intersection between the arts and the sciences, to fish.

President-elect Donald John Trump and Mr. Fils-Aime, according to sources, have some level of personal familiarity, having both been involved with Pizza Hut marketing around the same time — Mr. Trump in a commercial for stuffed-crust pizza, and Mr. Fils-Aime as Senior Director of National Marketing.

Friday, November 18, 2016

Pokémon Sun & Moon: The Release!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Generation 7 is upon the world! (Except Europe and Oceania.)

Surely you don't need the likes of me to tell you this: The long-awaited Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon versions are now released by Game Freak. We've been publishing articles on it very consistently for several months now, and it's the last major release for a Nintendo system for 2016.

Pokémon Sun Moon boxart official release November 18
The next big Pokémon adventure is now available for the Nintendo 3DS family of systems!
Image source: The official site for Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon. KoopaTV has covered every bit of content on that site, by the way.

Like Pokémon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire, players will not be able to post screenshots of their adventures on the games’ Miiverse community. Huge bummer and missed opportunity. However, given the opportunity to take in-game screenshots and photos, you can send them via the just-released Swapdoodle communication application.

In case you haven't followed our coverage at all, if you're wondering what version I'm getting (note the use of “getting” — as of publishing, I don't own the game, and I don't really know WHEN I plan to get it), it's Pokémon Moon. And I'm going to choose Rowlet as my starter. It seems like more people will get Pokémon Moon than Pokémon Sun, according to today's GameFAQs Poll of the Day and my small straw poll posted in my Pokémon Online channel, Fullmoon Island.

(I'm running something called Fullmoon Island, so you should expect that I'm getting Pokémon Moon.)

If you have any comments as to your experience with the game so far, or you want to keep this article nice and active with comments throughout your play experience, I'm fine with that. Don't expect much more Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon articles on KoopaTV after this.

I don't know if I'll cover my experience on a Planet Koopa thread like I've done for all my other playthroughs of Pokémon RPGs for the past several years since SoulSilver, or if I'll do it on Miiverse. No screenshots either way, but in terms of archival purposes Planet Koopa seems better. Miiverse might go and disappear once the Nintendo Switch is released, anyway!


This will not be the last notable game released this year. Don't forget: KoopaTV still has not released its 2016 videogame, and since it's called the 2016 videogame, that means KoopaTV has until tonight to December 31st to do so! Stay tuned! (KoopaTV is aiming for before December 31st, if you're wondering. Don't want to repeat last year.)


Super Mario Run does not count as a major release for a Nintendo system, and it's garbage anyway.
KoopaTV's 2016 game, which is heavily based on Pokémon's Super Contest system, was released on December 23rd!