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Monday, June 8, 2015

Excited for E3 2015?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Let's enjoy this awful trailer from the ESA!

As you should know, the Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3) is next week. Hosted by the Entertainment Software Association. KoopaTV will cover it extensively like we've done in years prior.

It's the most important gaming-related event of the year. (It might be the most important media event of the year but... the Republican presidential debates are also starting this year so who knows?) So let's see how the ESA is promoting it, courtesy of social media:
(Analysis to follow.)


So the big theme this E3, according to the ESA, is "evolution" and "new". Sounds... pretty generic.


E3 2015 conference event Experience the Evolution trailer video
"Experience the Evolution_" Apparently, underscores are the new periods.

However, there are no new consoles being announced this E3, with even the Nintendo NX off to E3 2016. (Or maybe they know something we don't.) So, if not the hardware, then what exactly is evolving? New Pokémon? Evolve the game already debuted at last E3. So, a sequel?


E3 2015 Only one place what's new next trailer video
"Only one place. What's new. What's next." Periods return as punctuation.

Actually, that's not true. The Nintendo Digital Event is where Nintendo will announce most of their news, and that's not at the same "place" as E3. Granted, Nintendo did announce things on the show floor, like Mario vs. Donkey Kong: Tipping Stars. It's just that no one knew that announcement even happened until 2015.

So what precious E3 moments does the ESA want to highlight as being particularly hype-inducing and evolutionary?


E3 2014 2015 Electronic Entertainment Expo Lego Batman 3
Three women taking selfies in front of the Lego Batman 3: Beyond Gotham booth at E3 2014.
E3 2014 Nintendo booth Mario Super Smash Bros. For Wii U 3DS
Well, Super Smash Bros. For Wii U was evolutionary...
E3 2014 Nintendo booth Splatoon photo promotional
Nintendo's booth, with Splatoon action. We live-reacted to some of it here.

But perhaps most evolutionary and new, according to the ESA?


E3 Electronic Entertainment Expo woman gamer girl button-mashing Nintendo GameCube controller
Let's dedicate an entire second to this moronic woman button-mashing a GameCube controller!

I assume that was footage from last year and the GameCube controller is a new one meant for Super Smash Bros. For Wii U, but... it's unclear when in the game you would ever have your only input be wildly mashing the A button. Pummeling an opponent when you grab them? But why would she basically let out a deterministic roar before doing that? Doesn't she know that gives time for the opponent to come free?


E3 woman promotional trailer video Electronic Entertainment Expo GameCube controller
I think Aisha Tyler would be proud.

Maybe the ESA just used file footage from 2002 or something. Maybe "what's new" and "what's next" will actually be GameCube games on the Wii U's Virtual Console. (So her button-mashing is trying to do Star Fox Adventures's Test of Strength?) Yup. Going back in time a whole decade for all your "new" and "next" things. Sort of like how for years the Republican Party claimed they were the "party of ideas" but were re-using the same ideas from decades ago. (Not that ideas are bad just because they're old, but if your whole marketing is talking about what's "new"...)

Of course, the ESA can't make a promotional video featuring E3 2015 stuff because E3 2015 hasn't happened yet. But could they at least be less obvious about the irony of having a trailer boasting "evolution", "what's new", and "what's next" and then showing footage of decades-old hardware and franchises? (They literally had a shot of Electronic Arts and their Madden booth, more on that lunacy here.)

Either way, just 'cause the trailer is a joke doesn't mean the entire event will be one. Well, I guarantee the event will have joke conferences (see: Ubisoft, going two-for-two on these), but somethin' new is bound to happen. The ESA just ain't doin' it justice.

#NoJusticeNoPeace


Ludwig and the rest of the KoopaTV gang will bring you all the awesome stuff on E3 all in a hard-to-read live-reaction format starting next week! Look forward to it and stay tuned to KoopaTV!


Ludwig doesn't sound too excited for E3 this year. He sounds afraid.

4 comments :

  1. It'a pretty clear Nintendo is going to announce a remake of Majora's Mask 3D for the New 3DS.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wait, what?
      A remake... of a game they just remade for the same console?

      Delete
    2. Then come amiibos, nintendo releases crappy merchandise about it, and then they make a billion dollars.

      Delete
    3. ...Sounds good.

      Making a billion dollars in *profit* off of amiibo sounds really, really hard though, if you think about how many amiibo they'd need to sell.

      Or even revenue.

      Delete

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