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Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Ludwig Got His License

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Go congratulate me. ...NOW.

That title isn't just referring to my Town Development Permit from Animal Crossing: New Leaf. Nah, it's referring to my Driver's License. So I'm licensed... to drive. ...On the roads. And no thanks to Mario Kart Wii, which they actually had a copy of back in Driver's Ed. That Wii Wheel sucks.

So it took me four times. What's the life lesson there? That the Rule of Three sucks. And Shigeru Miyamoto should stop applying it to all his games. Do you know how formulaic (and as a result, inhibiting the awesomeness of) the boss fights were in The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess because you knew you could just do things three times and you win? Real life isn't like that. Real life is like Wario Land: Shake It! — The number of rounds to beat the boss is variable and up to your competence. Not necessarily three times. I actually thought the Rule of Three would kick in and I'd pass my road test the third time, but parallel parking disagreed with me.

Also, the RMV still sucks as usual. Public facilities are just not taken care of — The bathroom looked like something out of a prison. The public bathroom, anyway. No word on the TWO DIFFERENT SETS of private employee-only bathrooms. And the RMV office is a single-floor affair. We don't really have to deal with bureaucratic governments in videogames because all they do is retard the progress of the people who try to get things done (such as the player) and don't do anything themselves. So it's an unneeded aspect that isn't fun. Why don't we take those game lessons for real life? I actually have a state-issued ID Card, which you're not supposed to simultaneously have while having a license. I'm supposed to "surrender" it. ...Eh.

The RMV cop who administered my road test was pretty much a Jessie Go-like figure: He couldn't fit in the car seat, and asked multiple times if my car had air conditioning. And his speech was unintelligible. I didn't even have to finish parallel parking to pass it.

The cop wasn't eating anything in my car, thankfully.

Also, as of yesterday night, notorious freedom-hater Ed Markey is Massachusetts's new Senator-elect. Yippee.


Ludwig now has free time for the rest of the summer because he doesn't have to keep practicing for the road test or have any summer classes. That's a good thing for KoopaTV!


Ludwig uses his license for something... a big announcement!

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